Hello my lovelies thank you so much for clicking on my fanfic, this is my first ever one so I hope you like it. Oh and sadly I don't own the vampire diaries or any of the characters.

Basically this is set the day after 3x22 and Elena agreed to become a vampire, this is strictly a delena fanfic nothing else. Oh and it's in Elena's point of view.

Today has been the quickest, yet slowest day of my life. As everyone expected I am now a bloodthirsty vampire and all I can think about is how John died for nothing. It all happened so fast that that I didn't know what to do, so I made my decision. I would save Matt.

So many people have died to keep me alive and for once I had the power to change that. So in my last moments of being a human I told Stefan to save Matt from the drowning truck before me. At first I didn't expect Stefan to save Matt, I mean I am his 'undying' love and he is mine so why did I expect him to save my ex-boyfriend before me? Yet he did, I should of been happy that he respected my decision but he hardly hesitated and there was a nippy little voice at the back of my head saying 'Damon wouldn't have gave two shits about Matt, he would have saved you and everything would be back to normal; you would be human.'

Damon. My Damon. Just thinking about my last phone call to him made me want to rewind the whole situation. I broke his heart and I broke my own. What if in my last minutes I had chosen Damon? Well for sure I would be alive and breathing and hopefully in Damon's arms (or bed...knowing Damon) and my heart ached for it.

Damon was my dark pleasure, I loved the attention he gave me, sometimes I lived for it. Being with him was oh so wrong but oh so right. He loves, or loved, me so much and I hate being the one who splinters his already fragile heart. I feel like his heart is literally in the palm of my hands and I don't know what to do about it. Before I drowned my feelings for the Salvatore brothers were all over the place, I am surprised myself that I actually came to a decision in the end. Yet, I nearly changed my mind when I heard Damon's voice break over the phone when I told him I chose Stefan. I wanted to tell him I was lying that I did chose him and our dark love would break all the rules I set in place. Why did I put them there in the first place?

No. I had to stop thinking about Damon. I picked Stefan for a reason; he was safe and made me 'glad' I was alive. I rolled my eyes just thinking about what I said to Matt that night in my bedroom, little did I know that would be the last time there as a human. How ironic. Stefan still doesn't know I picked him over Damon, only Damon and Matt know all that happened last night. A part of me doesn't want to tell Stefan I chose him, but I shake away that thought and plan to tell him as soon as he's back from the hospital getting some more blood bags to revamp the supply. I wonder how he'd react, an idle smile? A peck on the lips? His reaction would be weak and that's not what I want from the man that supposedly loves me but hey I guess I have to live with it for all eternity now.

And as I lie on the massive bed in the Salvatore's one of many spare rooms I just imagine what Damon's reaction would be if I told him I had chosen him last night. Just thinking about it brought a grin to my face. And just on queue I heard the old staircase creak and then the man himself was leaning against my doorframe. His raven hair was ruffled from the weather outside and he was wearing one of his tight black t-shirts. His usual smirk was replaced by a solemn smile as he watched me stare into space. Why was he smiling? Surely he hates me after all I've put him through? But that's the beauty of Damon, he's selfless and a few people actually realise that. I am proud to say I am one of those people, I can see the pure beauty hidden inside him.

''What are you thinking? And as you have that silly grin on your face I'm guessing it's about me?'' Damon's usual smirk etched its way onto his face, but his eyes lacked that usual sparkle, I tried my best not to smile at Damon being Damon. I leant my head back against the headboard, closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

''Damon..'' I sighed.

I didn't even need to open my eyes to know he was now lying beside me. I felt the shift of weight on the large bed and I could smell his intoxicating cologne. it smelt so...Damon. I turned my head to the side and slowly opened my eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I met Damon's striking blue eyes staring into my own. We just lay there for a couple of seconds staring into each other's eyes until I spoke the question I needed to ask him.

''Do you hate me Damon?'' I whispered so quietly that it was even hard for a vampire to pick up. Before he would answer I prayed that he wouldn't, what would I do if Damon hated me? I just couldn't imagine it.

After what felt like forever Damon raised his left hand and slowly swiped a stray hair from my face and put it behind my ear. He then brought his hand down to cup my cheek and I naturally felt myself lean into his hand, he studied my anxious expression and started to brush his thumb against my cheek.

''I could never hate you Elena, sometimes I wish I could, like right now for example but I can't I just..'' he adverted his eyes to the other side of the room for a couple of seconds then turned back to look at me as he said ''I just love you too much and.. and it just hurts too much to stop it. I'm sorry Elena for being such a burden, for loving you when you obviously only care for my brother."

I went to object but he put his finger over my mouth to silence me as he continued ''That's why I'm leaving tonight, you and Stefan can have your happy ever after without me dragging you both down. It's you who should hate me not the other way around, I deserve everything I get. I'm so sorry Elena, I hope you know that.''

Wait...what? I was dumbfounded for a couple of seconds just staring at Damon with a wrinkle in my brow. It's not the first time that Damon's told me he loved me, far from it, but hearing those words come out of his lips just sends a shiver down my spine and made my heart beat faster. It still hadn't sunk in that this god like man actually loved me: A messed up eighteen year old from Mystic Falls.

Damon did that half smile thing he does when he's sad and then I could feel him pulling has hand away from my face. Quickly I grabbed his hand before he pulled it away and clasped it in a vice like grip between my hands. How dare he! How dare he accuse himself of being a burden to me. How can he even think for a minute that I could hate him. For everything Damon's done sometimes he has made me pretty mad and angry and yes maybe I did hate him for a little while, but I forgave him because everything he has done he has done for me and I see that now.

''Don't you dare Damon, don't you dare think that I should hate you.''

''I'm not going to argue with you Elena, as much fun as it is. I don't want you to remember me in that way.''

''What are you talking about?'' my brows wrinkled in confusion. Then suddenly I remember he said he was leaving tonight, I gasped at the thought and my heart started to ache. I can't lose Damon, I came close to it when he was dying from Tyler's bite and the pain was unimaginable.

He started to release his hand from my strong grip and he avoided my strong gaze as he explained ''Me and Stefan made a pact before the night you ermm... died that the one of us you rejected had to leave town. I guess the reason was so you could be happy without a sad brother looming in the corner.''

Before I could react he continued ''I always knew it was going to be me that you rejected. You know that night in Denver for a couple of seconds I thought I actually had a chance, maybe for once someone would pick me other my saintly brother. But now I know it is always going to be Stefan and I don't want to hurt anymore Elena. I can't take anymore of this.''

He started to get out of the bed and with my newly adopted vampire speed I pinned him beneath me on the mattress so fast that for a human it would of been a blur. He was too stunned to react as I slapped him with an ounce of my vampire strength. His lips parted and he put his hand on his red cheek.

''What was that for?'' he asked shocked and a little hurt.

With tears in my eyes I put my hands on either side of his face and started to kiss him with as much need as I could muster and before I knew it he was kissing me back. As he was the older stronger vampire he flipped us over so he was now pinning me on the mattress our tongues battling for dominance and my nails started to dig into his shoulders. Then suddenly with a whoosh of air Damon was clinging onto the wall at the other side of the room taking big angry breaths.

''Don't do this to me Elena, you made your choice. You picked Stefan.''

I zapped over to the other side of the room to pin myself against him on the wall, I bent my head forward so our foreheads were touching and we were sharing the same breath.

''Please don't leave me.'' I whispered as a silent tear ran down my cheek. Damon lifted his hand and wiped the tear away.

''It's reasons like this I have to leave Elena, you tell me you pick Stefan then the next day suddenly your kissing me as if I'm your long lost love.'' I could hear the venom dripping in his voice "Why Elena? Why do you do this to me!" he shouted at then roughly shoved me off him as he started striding toward the door with some serious attitude.

No way was he leaving me. My eyes were blinded with rage as I quickly grabbed the nearest thing to me; an antique vase. I don't really know what I'm doing but I threw the vase at the back of Damon's head and shards of ceramic flew all over the room. Damon froze just outside the door. I watched terrified as his shoulders raised then dropped as he tried to calm himself. Then slowly he turned around to face me square on and his blue eyes were hard as glass.

''I'm so sorry Damon'' I gushed ''I just..I just..''

''You just what Elena?'' He spat out.

''I just don't want you to leave me here alone Damon! You promised me, you promised that you would never leave me again!'' I started screaming at him "There is no chance in hell that you are leaving me here all alone!"

I didn't even realise that I had started sobbing ''Please don't leave me Damon...please'' I had to stop to catch my breath and I felt my tears leak into my mouth ''please please please.''

I felt like I was on the edge of a mental breakdown as I felt my knees buckle beneath me, the trauma was physically destroying my body. Is this part of my heightened emotions that everyone goes on about? I fell into Damon's arms and I started to weakly bash my fists against his chest trying to make him feel my pain but failing immensly. He started to run his fingers through my frazzled hair trying to sooth me as my breathing became laboured.

''Please don't break your promise, do it for me Damon. If you love me you'll stay.'' Yes I know it was a low blow but at this point I would do anything to get him to stay by my side. I was desperate. I could feel his hands make fists in my hair and with my advanced vampire hearing I heard him clench his teeth.

''Why do you do this to me...you picked my brother Elena! My brother! I don't see why you care so much that I'm leaving to let you two drive off into the sunset eating bunnies together!''

''Because I care about you Damon!'' The words came out forced, I knew it's not what I wanted to say.

''Oh of course! Elena cares about me how could I forget?'' I could hear the sarcasm oozing out his mouth and his grip on my hair loosened.

''Damon please, what can I do? What can I do to make you stay?'' I think at any point now I would get down on my knees and start begging.

''There's nothing you would do Elena.'' he gave a sad smile, it's like all the anger rushed out of his body at once and his eyes softened. ''There's nothing for me here anymore. Even I know it's best for me to leave Mystic Falls for good.''

An aura of calm spread over the room as we stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours but what was probably only a couple of seconds. Suddenly Damon used his vampire speed to unexpectedly leave the room and I closed my eyes to hear where he went. His bedroom.

As fast as I could I rushed across the hallway after him and halted at his doorframe as I watched the horrific scene play out in front of me. He was callously ripping shirts of the coat hangers in his wardrobe and throwing them into an open suitcase lying on his bed that already contained a couple of necessity toiletries. He didn't even stop what he was doing as he spoke to me.

''Just leave me alone Elena it will be easier for both of us.''

I walked over to his bed picked up his suitcase and before he could stop me I chucked it across the room where it hit the wall and Damon's clothes littered the floor. The fire was starting to reappear in his eyes after my desperate act.

''What are you trying to prove Elena!?'' he hissed ''Delaying me isn't going to stop me from leaving, just quit it for your own good.''

Think of something Elena, c'mon think! I had to be bold, it's the only way I can get Damon to stay.

''So what can I do to stop you from leaving hmmm? How about this?''

I pulled my pyjama tank top over my head and threw it over my shoulder revealing a black lacy push up bra. I silently congratulated myself for picking that out this morning. Black is Damon's favourite colour after all. I evilly smirked as I watched his mouth hang open as he openly stared at my chest, point one to Elena. I strutted towards him and ran my finger down his shirt, his eyes still not leaving my chest. I picked up both of his hands and he willingly let me place each of them on my breasts and his face contoured into shock at my uncharacterised movements. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.

''If you leave me Damon you will never have me, I can never be yours'' I said my voice becoming husky.

I could see Damon mentally shake himself as he raised his head to look at me yet he left his hands on my breasts, obviously enjoying himself.

''I can't believe I'm saying this but Elena I can never have you anyway even if I did stay. How many times do I have to say this: you love my brother not me. You picked Stefan. I can't have you like this when you belong to someone else. I do a lot of bad things but I wouldn't do that, I want us to be real.''

His voice broke in the middle of that short speech and I could feel myself welling up again, I must look terrible right now thank god I wasn't wearing any make up. Why do I always make Damon hurt so much? I hate myself for it and I always think it's for the right reasons when most of the time it's not.

He gave one last squeeze then removed his hands from me. Instantly I missed the warmth of his hands, it was like my breasts were perfectly moulded for him. We fitted together perfectly.

He nodded toward his luggage lying scattered all over the floor ''I'll just leave it, clean it up when I'm gone if you want, I'll get stuff on the road. Anything to get me out of here asap.''

I stood there and watched as he walked towards his nightstand and took out a small chest that he put in the inside pocket of his leather jacket.

''What's that?'' I asked, mostly curious but a part of me was still trying to delay him.

''Nothing you need to worry about nosey. Just something I always take with me." He stopped in the middle of the room and took a look around "I'll miss this room. Do you know how long it took me to get this perfect? The bed was handmade for me too. Egyptian cotton.''

I found myself staring at his bed alongside him. We just stood there in silence waiting for something to happen. But nothing did. Then it started to hit me: Damon is actually leaving me. It hit me square in the chest and I was starting to find it difficult to breath, wait? Did vampires even need to breath?

''Damon?'' I waited for an answer but I didn't get one. I whipped my head around I noticed I was the only person here. That sneaky bastard.

Using my vampire speed I zoomed around the house looking for him. My cries got more frantic as the seconds ticked by and it was clear he wasn't in the boarding house.

''Damon! Damon please!'' I was sobbing again and it was hard to scream because my throat was so dry. ''DAAAAMOOONN!''

I halted at the doorframe of the boarding house that was wide open and it wasn't until a cold breeze sent shivers down my spine that I remembered I only had my bra on and a pair of skimpy pyjama shorts. My knees started to buckle but nobody was there to catch me. I was a sobbing mess as I fell to my knees just staring out into the dark night. Damon was gone. I don't really know what went through me, I don't even remember thinking the next words that came out my mouth. But they were so natural and beautiful; true.

I whispered out into the dry air looking out into the forest surrounding the boarding house. The tears were still leaking down my face.

''I love you...''

My eyes widened in realisation. Me Elena Gilbert was in love with Damon Salvatore. A strangled cry left my lips knowing that Damon would never hear me say those words, he'll never know I love him so much it's physically hurting me right now.

I screamed out pleading into the silence ''DAMON PLEASE I LOVE YOU!''

I put my head in my knees and wrapped my arms around myself going into the fatal position, and whispered out one last time

''I'm in love with you Damon and it hurts so much, please please..''

I heard something crash behind me and my undead heart stopped. I looked at my arms and I was splattered with blood, human blood. I slowly turned my head round to face the floor and several burst blood bags were scattered out in front of me forming scarlet puddles on the floor. It was then I raised my head to come face to face with an astounded Damon.

''You love me?''

Thank you so much for reading and no this isn't the end I am writing more chapters now as we speak, so please please please write a review it will only take a couple of seconds and it will inspire me to write more!

Thank you x