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Birthday Bang
Chapter 1
I pulled myself halfway out of the bed before I fell back in it. Not worth it. The floor looked cold today. Of course, it looked cold everyday. It was beyond me how carpet could be cold, but this floor somehow managed to do it. Just blew my mind away. Speaking of blowing stuff away, where was Tobi? He would normally be here by now to irritate me. So where was the little pain in the butt?
"Maybe he's finally curled up and died." I smirked as I said it, praying it was a possibility. Of course, I would've liked the honor of killing him, but as long as he was dead and it had been painful I could rest peacefully. I closed my eyes and adjusted myself in the bed. Please give me dreams of Konan in a bunny suit and Tobi being blown up. Those were the best kind of dreams, and it was my b-day, after all. Just as sleep was finally managing to curl around me again, I was woken up in the worst way imaginable. Someone big sat firmly on top of me. As I squirmed to escape, another person grabbed my legs.
"Happy Birthday Sempai! Guess what! The whole Akatsuki is here to celebrate!" Tobi's lollipop mask sank too closely down to my face and I screamed.
"Please let this be a nightmare, please let this be a nightmare, please let this be a nightmare." I chanted over and over again. Suddenly, the worst sensation ever crawled through my arm. I screamed in pain and disgust and lurched free. My left hand's mouth was covered in cake crumbs. Someone had fed it! I screamed again and tried to pull the cake out of it, prying desperately at its mouth. The cake couldn't go into my arm, who knows what would happen? It wasnt connected to my digestive system! I shook my arm in a panicked attempt to get it to spit up the cake, but, per usual, it refused to go along with what I wanted. After a while of panicked struggle, the mouth opened up and spat something out. A battered bit of cake fell to the floor, shaped into a bird. I ignored the groans of disgust throughout the room, instead shuddering in trauma. Konan was on the floor in an instant. She picked up the slobbery chunk of cake with a paper towel and sprayed the carpet with some cleaning product. I turned to the group of S rank criminals, hatred in my eyes as I rubbed my arm.
"Who's idea was it to feed my arm cake?!" I spat at them, my panic quickly turning to fury.
"Mine, Sempai. I thought it would be funny." Tobi whimpered from the other side of the room. In that moment I lost it.
"DIE TOBI! THAT WOULD BE THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT YOU COULD GIVE ME! JUST HOLD STILL AND DIE!" I chased him around the room, my hands itching to wrap around his throat.I heard dry laughter from the other side of the room. It was Hidan's.
'Wow! This is f***ing hilarious! We need to shove more food down that skinny b*****'s weird- $$ hand-mouth!" He said, elbowing the person closest to him. That person happened to be Itachi, who simply glared back in return, completely unamused.
"Time is money and we're wasting time here." Kakuzu mumbled. His impatience reminded me of Sasori, whom I missed deeply as I chased my soon-to-be-dead partner around the room.