Ch. 1
This evening marks the end of their second week in the White House and it has been an extremely busy one. Olivia doesn't think she and Mellie have gone without direct contact for more than an hour since they've been back. In the past, that much contact would have been the cause of an uncomfortable tension at best but now things were different. Now they moved like a well oiled machine, feeding off of each other's energy and productivity creating a buzz that kept them going long after they should have fainted from exhaustion. Olivia was only now starting to feel the effects of working at a breakneck pace and a growl from her stomach made it clear that it was time to put the breaks on. How busy they've been really hits home when she realizes how late it is and not once has Mellie reminded her to eat. She usually manages to do that at least once, even if it's through a text sent in the middle of a meeting.
Just as she begins to contemplate this revelation her phone rings and lights up with "POTUS 45" across the screen. She smirks at the moniker and silences the ringer before continuing her journey to the Oval Office. Walking past Kimberly, the secretary, and into the oval's open door, Olivia stops and sees Mellie sitting on the sofa. There is a small platter of cheese, crackers and fruit on the table before her and of course there is a bottle of wine and two glasses beside it. Mellie is too busy frowning at her phone, fingers poised to redial her number, to notice Olivia's presence.
"You called?" Olivia asks, disturbing her focus and causing her to jerk in surprise.
Mellie turns to greet her with a bright smile, her eyes still sparkling and perfectly complimented by the blue suit jacket she's wearing . The only visible sign of exhaustion is the way her eyes take a little longer to open after blinking. The fact that Olivia notices such a small detail is a reminder of how much time they spend together and how close they've become.
"There you are!" Mellie exclaims. "If you hadn't picked up a second time I might have gone looking. Are you hungry? You have to be. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten and figured it had to be twice as long for you so I got us something to put on our stomachs."
"Thanks Mel," Olivia doesn't miss the way her smile grows at the use of the nickname and tells herself that her reaction is in no way related to its use. It's normal to shorten the name of someone you spend so much time with, right? Plus, Mellie's been doing it almost since they've met, "but I was going to head home and get something on the way; give you a little time to yourself. You have to be exhausted."
"I'll have all day to myself tomorrow," Mellie says, not sounding as pleased about it as Olivia thought she would. She knows she misses her children but Karen is away at school and Teddy is with his father getting acclimated to his new home before being returned to his mother on Monday. "And yes, I'm beyond tired, but I'm too wired up to sleep now. Neither of us have eaten and I don't want to go to bed only to lay there wondering if you filled your belly with anything other than popcorn. I'm sure you don't want that either."
All Olivia can do is roll her eyes. She doesn't miss the smirk on Mellie's face either. The woman is many things but she isn't wrong about Olivia not wanting a repeat of 'that' night.
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When Olivia is awakened by the sound of her ringer it is 3:37am. She knows this because of the flashing red numbers on the hotel's standard alarm clock. When she looks at her phone and sees that it's Mellie calling she immediately sits up and answers, anticipating some sort of small crisis.
"Hello."
"Hi, Liv! Were you asleep?" Her voice is way too chipper for this time of night and Olivia already knows that she's going to regret answering the phone.
"How may I help you, Senator?" Olivia asks. She can tell by the slight pause on the other end of the line that Mellie has caught on to the warning in the use of her formal title but as long as she has known Mellie she knows better than to think that will stop her.
"I'd noticed earlier, that you'd only gotten to take a bite of your lunch before you were called away. I don't know if you've had any time to eat since then. Have you? Are you hungry?" Mellie inquires casually as if they're preparing for a mid day meeting.
Olivia pulls the phone away from her ear and stares at if as if it will help her make sense of what's happening. She faintly hears Mellie's hesitant 'hello' and puts the phone back to her ear.
"Mellie, please tell me that this is not why you're calling? Is this why you're waking me up at four in the morning when I've only just gone to sleep; to ask if I'm hungry? You can not be serious!" She waits in silence hoping that Mellie was simply leading up to the more important issue but when there is no response she knows that this is it. "I'll take your silence as a yes. If I said yes were you planning to whip something up for me or were you just curious?"
"I don't have much but I can bring you some fru-" she starts before Olivia cuts her off, all of her frustrations with Mellie during this campaign process bubbling just beneath the surface.
"I don't want- I ate Mellie. Quinn brought me a salad and I ate it this evening! Thanks for your concern. Now, is there anything else that I can do for you?"
There is a prolonged silence then, "No. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." Mellie ends the call.
Her voice, void of all emotion, is like a cold drink to the face and Olivia feels her anger dissolve almost immediately upon hearing it, leaving only guilt to fill up the empty space. The voice she heard, It wasn't the voice of rage that only remained contained by years of practice; the sort of anger that left fire dancing in her eyes and heat radiating off of her in waves. Nor was it the voice of complete control; the one that chilled you to your bones as the carefully aimed words she spoke pierced your most vulnerable areas like icicles. No, this was one she rarely heard and it had never before been directed at her. It doesn't take an Ivy League educated crisis manager to understand that Mellie's feelings have been hurt and she's thrown up the wall that Olivia is just barely managing to get through.
Olivia falls back on the bed and throws her arm over her eyes still clutching her cell. Why did Mellie have to call her now, after such a long day and once everything has finally calm down? Why did she react so poorly? She should have bottle her anger saved it for one of those times Mellie really deserves it. It really is ironic because during those times Olivia seems to have the patience of a saint. Waking someone up in the middle of the night wasn't the most considerate thing to do but to snap the way she had was out of character as well as uncalled for considering the fact that Mellie only seemed to be concerned. She was probably across the hall unable to sleep due to excitement about tomorrow's rally and her standing in the election. Before they had even gotten the day started Marcus reported a slight drop in the polls that left Mellie buzzing with nervous energy the entire day. She followed behind Olivia popping in on staff members to see if their work was up to standard. Olivia was well aware of her antics and three weeks prior she would have easily been able to brush them off, but the micromanaging combined with a new inexplicable tension between them nearly made her snap. If Marcus hadn't stepped between them just as she rounded on Mellie she more than likely would have lost her cool in front of her staff. When it came to Mellie Marcus wasalway ready to intervene. It probably shouldn't needle her the way it does seeing that she practically assigned him to her but his presence was swiftly becoming another point of tension between them.
When their worlds revolved around the same man, Fitz, the source of tension was unmistakable and it was sort of tempered by familiarity and shared goals. They mostly handled it with avoidance. Things could get heated when they were forced to be in each other's presence but at the end of the day they knew what place they held and who they were to one another. The source of the tension that is growing between them now is as obscure as the former was obvious. Even though they are represented on paper as advisor/client, the relationship between them now seems to be less defined than when they were in the White House. There are still a few times when the hurt of the past descends on them like a rain shower on an otherwise sunny day and there are times when everything feels fresh and new, but mostly they exist somewhere in the middle. The biggest difference being how they deal with the tension. Instead of avoiding each other they are drawn together as if constantly butting heads was the only way to figure it out. The disagreements would start with minor issues like whether or not they should arrive at their destination five minutes before the scheduled time (Olivia thought they should), or what color Mellie should wear ( she wants to wear black). Normally, Olivia would let her have her way on small things like this, it usually helped to calm her nerves, but now there was defiance in Mellie's eyes when she made her unchallenged declarations. Instead of simply letting her have her way, Olivia pushed back and the look of surprise and irritation on her client's face was enough to make it a habit. When they were late due to a last minute wardrobe change after spilled water left visible marks on Mellie's red suit, Olivia couldn't help but point out that it wouldn't have been an issue if they left a little earlier. And Mellie had no problem telling her that if she'd been wearing black, like she had wanted, there wouldn't be a need to change.
They needled each other from the time they said good morning until they parted ways, only stopping long enough for Mellie to bring Olivia the food she had ordered for her or for Olivia to remind Mellie that she was planning to return Karen's call the minute they had a break. During that time it was like nothing had transpired between them until work resumed.
Mellie's nervous energy, the tension between them, and this afternoons disagreement left Olivia frustrated and exhausted but unable to sleep. Then, when she finally manages to doze off Mellie calls. Argh! As unprofessional as it would have been to fight in front of their staff, Olivia almost wishes that Marcus hadn't intervened. It's been a long time since either of them has raised their voice at the other. Maybe that's what they needed, to blow off some steam. Maybe then they both could have slept peacefully.
Olivia sighs. She knows that she has to apologize tonight if there is to be anything resembling peace between them. The shock from Olivia's attitude has most likely worn off and Mellie is probably stewing in anger or plotting her revenge. Either way, Olivia knows her well enough to know that she isn't asleep. Without hesitating further Olivia picks up her phone and dials the last number. It rings and rings before going to voicemail. She's tempted to leave it at that but she knew Mellie would be stubborn. Instead, she decides to pay her a visit.
It takes a while for Mellie to open the door, long enough for a tiny bit of panic to rise and Olivia to decide to use the spare key. When Mellie finally opens it she catches Olivia holding the key mid air. She stares at the key, at Olivia, then turns around and walks into the room without a word.
Olivia takes her silence and the open door as an invitation. She follows Mellie inside and shuts the door behind her. Mellie is perched on the foot of the rooms bed and it's only after she realizes that she's trying ignore the bare strip of Mellie's left thigh that she realizes that all she's wearing is a robe. The tension and irritability returns immediately.
"Why didn't you answers my call?" She blurts, forgetting that she's here to fix things. That's all it takes for Mellie's mask of nonchalance to falter. Her head snaps up and the fire returns to her voice.
"You can't be serious! You know where I am and what I'm doing twenty four/ seven. You choose what I wear, what I eat and interrupt my showers but God forbid I care enough to make sure you don't starve! And now after making it very clear that you didn't appreciate my call, you think you can yell at me for missing yours?" She practically growls and the look in her eyes is deadly.
Instead of a chill down her spine, Mellie's words send a warm flush from her head to her toes. Its a combination of embarrassment from being called out on her behavior and something unnamed that surrounds her when she notices the obvious damp of Mellie's hair and the water marks on her pink, silk robe. She would have realized Mellie had been in the shower if she hadn't been so distracted by her thi-
Before she can continue that train of thought she remembers why she's even standing here in Mellie's room. She came here to apologize and already she's made things worse. Without over thinking it, Olivia walks over to Mellie and sits next to her on the bed. She doesn't miss the way Mellie crosses her arms as if to ward off any thing Olivia might say. She doesn't like that Mellie feels the need to protect herself from her and that thought helps her to find her voice.
"Look, Mellie I'm sorry for being so short with you. I know that it's not an excuse for the way I've spoken to you tonight but things are becoming more tense the closer we get to the election. Once we're back home in our own territory things will settle down for a bit. I really didn't mean to snap the way I did. I let work get the best of me and I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology?" Olivia almost pleads while resting a hand on Mellie's shoulder.
Mellie places her hand atop Olivia's and squeezes just a bit before jumping up to pace. That's another thing that Olivia has taken notice of. Mellie accepts physical contact from her and even initiates it herself but sometimes it like she can get away fast enough. Physical affection doesn't come naturally to either of them but it has become a bit of a habit between the two. They use touch to communicate the true meaning of their sometimes seemingly hard words. Lately, Mellie's tolerance has decreased but Olivia tries not to take it personal. She snaps out of her musings when Mellie speaks.
"I'll accept your apology if you'll accept mine. I know that I haven't been easy to work with. I'm sorry for being unnecessarily difficult, going behind your back and making it seem as if I don't trust you because I do. I've never trus...I trust you!" She finally stops pacing to make eye contact with Olivia. "And please forgive me for not considering the time when I called."
"I- I forgive you." Once again Olivia is surprised by Mellie's growth. Not only is she trying to make better decisions, but now she apologizes for her mistakes. And she trusts her. There is a fluttering in her stomach that she ignores. Marcus tried to tell her this before but she dismissed him for being foolish enough to think he had Mellie all figure out. Knowing that he was right burns a little but she feels better knowing that he couldn't possibly know how right he is. Mellie had stopped herself from confessing but the vulnerability in her eyes gave her away. Mellie has never trusted anyone as much as she trust Olivia! The idea is both reassuring and overwhelming. She's always felt a sense of responsibility for Mellie. At first it was because of the role she played in the desolation of her marriage then it was because it was up to her to get Mellie elected. Now, words that hadn't even been spoken have added a new layer of responsibility, one that could possibly compromise her sense of self preservation. She wonders if she and her father have been worried about the wrong Grant. That last thought causes her to break eye contact. Mellie clears her throat and the silence grows uncomfortable so she takes this moment to rise.
"Well, we have to be awake in less than two hours so, Goodnight," she says abruptly.
"Goodnight Olivia", Mellie said as she watches Olivia start towards the door. She's basically in the hall before Mellie stops her. "Liv, wait! Take these just in case." Olivia can't do anything but smile when she turns and sees the orange and the banana that Mellie is holding out to her. Why should she have expected anything else? "Just trying to be nice."
"You? Nice?" Olivia smirks.
"I can be nice." Mellie protests unconvincingly.
"Sure, but I think Jake would disagree."
"Why should he? Whenever he's around I am perfectly polite." Even now her smile morphs into the one she wears for people she's only pretending to like.
"Exactly!" Olivia can only shake her head in amusement. Jakes presence at O.P.A can be a bit of a distraction. Mellie zeros in on him like a hawk and even though she's pretty good at faking it you'll never have her full attention until he leaves. On top of that she makes little digs and feigns innocence when the rest of the gang are amused. She'll say things like, ' It's incredible how you find the time to direct the NSA and still work part time as an associate'. She made it a point to ask about his wife, wanting to know how she's doing as if they are old friends who haven't had time to catch up and 'Of course it must be hard for her having to spend so much time away from her husband'. "Exactly! You're version of perfectly polite is anything but nice."
"Is it a problem? Do you want me to be nicer to your friend?" Her tone is still playful but the question is sincere. She moves closer and tilts her head the way she does when she's really listening.
It's a simple question and yes, it really would make things run more smoothly if they would get along but she knows that the question goes deeper than the surface. Her gut tells her that the answer to this question will go a long way toward determining the future dynamic of their relationship. Now that the distance between them has dramatically decreased Olivia has to incline her head to maintain eye contact. It's like her hand has a mind of its own when it reaches out and rest on the exposed portion of Mellie's freckled chest. "No. I don't want you to think I'm telling what to do."
Olivia pulls back her hand and reaches for the offered fruit. "Thanks, Mel!" She says casually as if her hand is not still burning with the heat of Mellie's bare skin. A flush runs from Mellie's chest to her face. She offers a shy smile and Olivia's stomach flutters once again. She hurries out the door without looking back already knowing that she won't be getting anymore sleep tonight.
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In the time that followed it was almost as if nothing had happened between them. Neither of them even hinted at what transpired in the hotel room unsure if it had actually gone the way they remembered. The constant butting of heads stopped. Mellie's anxiety has receded or she's gotten better control over it and as a result Olivia's patience is restored. Everything is about the same except there are times when Olivia is sure that Mellie purposely stands just out of her reach. Not only does it annoy her and cause her to wonder if she's done something wrong. It makes her realize just how often she touches Mellie, how often she reaches for her. Then there are the times when Olivia feels like no room is big enough for the both of them. It feels as if Mellie is right beside her when she's really all the way across the room. But, instead of letting it distract her, causing her to lash out, she disappears to take a break. When she returns Mellie seems to be the only one who noticed her absence and there is always a look of confusion, concern, and a little suspicion on her face but like Olivia she never asks. It's nice it is to have someone in her corner who gets it, someone who knows when to just let her be.
She contemplates this as she gazes into imploring eyes. She doesn't want to reverse the progress they've made and that is why she gives in to Mellie's request for her to stay.
"I guess I can stay for a while."
Mellie's whole face lights up delighted that she won't have to beg. She was considering it. She scoots over on the sofa allowing Olivia to have the corner seat. Olivia sits and waits as Mellie loads a plate for her. It's more than she thinks she needs at this time of night but she knows that to satisfy Mellie she'll have to eat all of it. Once Mellie's own plate is prepared she dives right in, filling Olivia in on what's happening with the children. She's talking in between bites of food not concerned with Olivia knowing just how hungry she is. Olivia watches her calculating all the years that they've been acquainted and understanding that it's only since the campaign that's she's really begun to know her.
After Mellie is done regaling her with tales of Karen's excitement for graduation and her first year of college and how it almost makes her wish she could stop Teddy from entering the first grade, she continues eating in silence. Olivia knows that she's waiting to here about how she's been getting alone but she also knows that she won't push. Olivia isn't the only one who's been paying attention because knowing that an otherwise stubborn Mellie would sit here in silence is enough to make her want to share and something tells her that she knows it.
"Abby seems to be keeping things at O. P. A. running smoothly. And I'm glad to know it..."
"But..." Mellie supplies.
" but... sometimes I think I want something to go wrong and they'll need me to fix it. I know they sometimes call asking for advice but it's not the same as needing me there with them." She confesses.
"Do you want to be there?" Mellie asks, preparing herself for the answer. She fidgets with the napkin in her lap. "I mean is that where you'd rather be? I can't say I won't be disappointed. You won't be easy to replace but I'll respe-"
"No!" Olivia raises her voice a little. Hearing Mellie speak of replacing her caused an unexpected tightening in her chest. "It was hard work getting us here. This is what I want. It's where I want to be and I've never been more proud of making a president. I only fear the damage to my ego, the thing that no one talks about when the student surpasses the teacher. I know that it's a little childish but it's how I feel."
"Well, how do you think Cyrus feels?"
Olivia turns to meet her eye and is unsurprised to see laughter there.
"But seriously, you are Olivia Pope. No one is better than you. You are irreplaceable. Even when your team is successful it's because of what you taught them. No one can do what you do." Mellie holds her gaze letting her know how much she means every word and it's almost too much for Olivia. Her stomach clenches and she becomes restless but once again Mellie, this time unknowingly, has mercy on her.
"I mean look. You got ME here!" Mellie beams like she just told the greatest joke ever.
Olivia smiles back disarmed by Mellie's rare playfulness. "Piece of cake," she says as she squeezes Mellie's hand. She barely registers the flush of her cheeks and way she fidgets with her fingers before Mellie is up on her feet. "Thank you for everything, Olivia! I know I said it before but...and thanks for keeping me company this evening."
Olivia is knocked a little off balance when Mellie takes her plate from her. It was a little rude and unlike how Mellie normally treated guests, even the ones she could barely tolerate. "I'm sure you're looking forward to a small break, as am I. I'll see you back here early Monday morning, right?"
"Right..." Olivia answers. Too flustered to protest she follows Mellie to the door.
"Good. See you then. Goodnight, Liv!" She says holding Olivia's shoulders in a brief yet awkward embrace.
Olivia is so confused that she doesn't even register the door closing behind her and it takes her a moment to get her legs to move. She walks the halls of the White House trying to understand what has just transpired. Why was Mellie so anxious to get rid of her after practically pleading with her to stay? Were they falling back into old habits. Though it didn't seem like Mellie was upset with her. Maybe she just needs a little time alone. Olivia can't blame her. She never really considered the fact that Mellie, like herself, might sometimes feel like a room isn't big enough to hold all that they were and have become to one another. Maybe all those times she thought Mellie was avoiding her she actually had been afraid that she might lash out or...?
Or.
Olivia comes to a complete stop in the middle of the hall. She's finally allowing her mind to examine its contents and every question she's been avoiding. Why is it that long, uninterrupted periods around Mellie make her feel the need to call a time out? Why is she always filled with nervous energy when near her? Why does Mellie's touch make her want to both lean in and pull away? Why can't she forget the hotel and that exposed thigh and the way her hand burned from touching her flesh? Why does Mellie's praise of her mean more to her than it has from anyone else? Why does Marcus' obvious crush and interference between them bug her so much? And what about Mellie? She had changed. When did she begin to care about Olivia's well being? Why does she make it her job to make sure she eats? Why does she become irritable when Olivia has to divide her attention and is pulled away from her and even more so if the person on the receiving end is Jake? Why was she always so happy to see her even after having come very close to a shouting match not even ten minutes prior? Why does Olivia's touch make her fidget? Why is she really avoiding her?
After Mellie practically shoving her away Olivia finally realizes how blind she's been. Finally she understands what's been happening. And of course Mellie would push her away. She's afraid. Given their history, both individual and shared, she can't blame her. Olivia is afraid too. Although everything seems so obvious she knows that she could be wrong, but allows hope to take root in the possibility of being right. Now she's become the idiotic, optimistic fool. Smiling to herself she continues her stride already knowing her what she needs to do.