Do Not Read
Summery: Missing Pages of Journal Entry's for various characters
Disclaimer: I do not own HP or make money from writing this
Time: Late at night
Where: Sitting within the dorm, listening to others sleep
Weather: Overcast, but very, very hot
Well it's late at night, getting tired but not quite there yet, staring at the parchment. I am trying to think, but having no luck tonight.
I decided to put a few bits and pieces together, to clear my thoughts and perhaps give an insight into my head, to tell you what it is like to be me. To write down my thoughts and feelings, what I have not told anyone. And perhaps, just a small bit, to give answers to you about what I truly have trouble with.
I'm not as I show to be, truthfully, I'm not a person I truly think anyone could like. I can't attach myself to people, I get bored with them and the thought of others dying doesn't bother me. I don't love… I can't. I've tried, but all that goes through my head is, how? How can I know what love is? It truly bothers me, and makes me think I am rotten inside; but at the same time, I truly think I'm lucky, I won't attach myself to others and initially won't get hurt by them. It's horrifying I know.
I have thoughts of hurting others at times, my fingers wrapping around someone's throat and squeezing, letting them turn blue and feeling the life under my hands fade away, the body going limp and the soul fading into the other realm, where we all initially go in the end. To feel the blood run across my palms, the crimson life painting my skin a beautiful red, a symbol of all that makes us human.
Another thing I have trouble with is this…so-called-thing people call a relationship. What is the point? It never lasts; people hurt one another and destroy one another bit by bit. Until there is nothing left of the original person that was first there. Nothing but a meek thing that listens and goes back to the one that hurt them, quoting that they 'love' that person and want to give it another chance…
It sickens me, why give chances? Why let yourself be hurt? For WHAT? I mean it's not like you'll be able to find any other happiness elsewhere! SO WHY WHY WHY!
You know, it may look like it above, but I don't hate. I can't. I cannot emotionally feel hate, love, desire or lust. I have tried, but I cannot. I do not feel the longing to be with another, I do not feel love for my own parents, only a faint feeling of protectiveness of them being Mine, I do not feel desire towards anyone, only a faint feeling of being lost.
I latch onto people and they toss me aside and I've had it with them. If they decide they do not want me then so be it. I will not contact them again. I will just stay away from them, and if they contact me, I will tell them as such.
Heh, I feel such a rush from this, just the thought of someone dying because of me puts such an immense power into my body, my face is shaped in a smile, and my fingers are shaking. I feel so powerful…
Hehe
That's all…
Perhaps I will write something nicer next time.
Good bye.
Well this will be a mini series I will be doing, something on the side for when I get stuck.
It's up to you who the character is, it's your decision.