Commercials
Have you ever wondered what the commercials advertise in Konoha?
Disclaimer: None of the things mentioned on the commercials actually exist, and I'm not trying to make any money from it. Oh, and I don't own Naruto.
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A couple sat down in front of the TV. After a long day's work, they were ready to relax and mindlessly watch whatever came on the television. As they settled down, the first thing that popped up was a commercial.
"Aren't you tired of washing out bloodstains in your clothes? Well, just come on down to ANBU Launderers, where we'll wash out those bloodstains for no extra charge! Our special soap beats those old, pitiful other soaps hands down! For only $19.99, we'll wash all your old clothes with those nasty bloodstains! Satisfaction Guaranteed! (We are not responsible for fading of colors, tears in clothing, or other problems…)"
The couple, bored with this, went to another channel… to another commercial!
"Tired of back pains after fighting off evil enemies all day long?! With our new and improved Ache-Less, you'll be feeling like a new Genin!" A new person came on, a happy-looking woman.
"I used to suffer from horrible back problems after training and missions! Now I can fight like the Jounin I am! Hi-yah!" The woman was depicted fighting off three enemy shinobi and being victorious.
"One pill a day, or as recommended by your doctor, will help you too! Pick up a prescription today! (Side effects may include headaches, chakra depletion, muscle loss, and because of that, possible decapitation by enemy shinobi! However, you won't have any more back pain! So please pick up a prescription today!)"
By this time, the couple was thinking, 'What's up with all the shinobi commercials? They don't even watch TV!' However, as they prepared to go to another channel, they saw a commercial that had nothing to do with shinobi… well, kinda…
"Greetings, everyone! I am Hiroshi from the Kill All Evil religion. Please join me at our first meeting…. Our goals are to eradicate all evil beings from the planet! We have almost completed our goal in Konoha, however… you know which being we must kill! Bwah ha ha! Join me in our fight against… demons…. Heh heh heh…"
The innocent couple was weirded out by this commercial and flipped quickly to the food channel, thinking that it would be safe…
"Shinobi! Tired of bringing the same old food on missions? Well, we've got a solution! Order our new line of 'Ninja Takeout'! It's specially prepared so that all you have to do is put it over a fire to prepare! Nothing could be simpler! The food comes in many varieties, suck as meatloaf, spaghetti, vegetarian hamburgers and more! Order now for thirty meals for only $29.99! But wait! If you order within the next ten minutes (or if we like you) you'll get an additional ten meals free! That's right! Order now to receive this special offer! (We are not responsible for any food allergies, and there is no refund if the food won't cook… unless we like you.)"
"What the hell?!" The couple turned off the TV, and the man threw a shoe at it. "Why aren't there any normal commercials?!?! Shinobi don't even watch TV! What about us, huh? What about us?!" They broke down and sobbed.
Meanwhile, a silver-haired shinobi with his Konoha headband was watching TV avidly. "Hmm, I might have to check out that laundromat sometime…"
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