Zoe Rivas
This story is about Zoe's self-harm story line during season 2 of Degrassi: Next Class. It will be based off of some things they showed and other parts I am making up, like her continuing to self-harm also in S3.
POV: Zoe
The first time I hurt myself was the summer after I kissed Grace. I had feelings for a girl and this had never happened before. I had to punish myself for still liking Grace, so I burned myself. She didn't text me for the rest of the summer so I hooked up with Miles. I was supposed to want to have sex with guys, so that's what I did. It got hard to pretend when I was dating Winston because I wasn't attracted to him but I was supposed to like him. At first it was an accident with my curling iron, and then I kissed Esme and then everything felt complicated. That makes 2 girls I had crushed on. Miles saw the burn on my wrist and told me that I should be honest about who I am. So next I put my wrist over a candle and posted a picture of it on Hasty Gram. The next day Tristan told me he saw the post and that I was lying to myself about being gay. But no one understood me, and feeling physical pain was something I could do to punish myself for liking girls. Winston broke up with me so I cut smiley faces into my thigh and Grace saw me taking a picture of it.
"Zoe, are you hurting yourself? Show me your leg!" "Grace its not a big deal lots of people do it" I answered. She told me she was there for me and that I should talk to our school counselor about it.
Now it's senior year and my mom doesn't accept me. I am alone except for Grace, who let me move in with her. When I told her I'm upset my mom kicked me out, she was worried about me hurting myself again. The past few months I've continued to cope this way. Ive been wearing long sleeves to hide the cuts on my wrists. Luckily its getting colder so no one really suspects anything. Yesterday I was changing in the locker room for gym class. Our uniforms are shorts and t-shirts so usually I cover up my scars with makeup. Perks of being an actress on a tv show, the makeup artists gave me tips on how to apply makeup for full coverage. That was back when I popped pills to cope. I like cutting better, and most of the time its fine but Frankie and I have gym together and she saw the scars on my leg while I was changing and when she asked if I was okay I mumbled something about tripping and scratching myself on accident. We were playing volleyball and Lola and Frankie were my partners. Some of the makeup I was wearing sweat off and they both saw my wrist when I passed the volleyball. I saw them glance at each other before I ran to the bathroom.
I got out the blade I keep in my back pack and made a cut on my right thigh. I rinsed it off and put a band aid on it. They both came in a couple seconds later and Frankie asked if I was okay. I said "yeah I just had to pee" and then Lola said "then why do you have blood on your hand?" Shit I guess I was trying to clean up so fast that I wasn't careful enough. "oh I was changing my tampon I guess I'm just messy haha" I tried to come up with a good excuse. Lola reached out and touched my arm. "Zo, we saw your cuts. You don't deserve that." I couldn't break down here, in the middle of the school day, in front of them. we weren't even good friends. I had convinced people I stopped hurting myself. I don't post pictures much on Hasty Gram because I've been depressed and all of my old friends don't like me anymore. That reminds me, I miss Tristan. Even Miles and Winston.
I asked Frankie "does Miles hate me?"
She shook her head and looked at me sadly. "not at all, and I think he's worried about you. the other day he asked if I had noticed anything different about you"
"but why would he even care about me"
"Maybe because you used to date?"
"Lots of people care about you." Lola said. I started to protest "Who?"
"Us" they said at the same time.
"Miles, Tristan, Winston, Grace, probably even Hunter." Frankie listed. "And we're here for you." They each took one of my hands and squeezed it. I smiled back at them.
For the first time in months I felt like things would be better.