AN: So, it's been a long while since I've posted anything. I'm really not sure how I feel about this piece if I'm being honest. I don't think it's my best and it certainly was impromptu. I was out driving the other day and heard this song. For whatever reason, the scenario of Jim and Bones getting pulled over in this fashion came into my mind. It was amusing and my mind wouldn't drop it so I decided to sit down and write it out. I'm not sure the final product turned out as funny as the original idea was in my head but since it is written I figured I might as well post it.
The song is All Over the Road and is by country artist Easton Corbin. I've put the lyrics in throughout the fic. Also, not edited by anyone but me and I am not the best at going through my own work. Oh, right, one more warning: this is a story where Jim and Bones are a couple. Don't like, don't read. Thanks.
"Jim…damn it…" Leonard muttered as he slowed and pulled the car to the side of the road. Red and blue flashing lights had started going off in his rear view just moments ago and he knew exactly why. With a huff he turned to glare at the blonde currently residing in the passenger's seat. That was a mistake, Jim was all bright eyes, huge pupils and flushed cheeks. Damn the kid for having such an effect on him just by looking that way.
"Relax Bones. No one is going to give us a ticket." Jim gives him an easy going grin, which serves to soften the doctors disposition a little. Maybe, if Jim didn't run his mouth, they could get away without a ticket. He knew why they'd been pulled over. The car had swerved into the wrong side of the road more than once in the last mile. Leonard had been too distracted to notice the highway patrol man that was behind them. "I promise to make it up to you Bones…" Jim adds making Leonard want to roll his eyes until Jim leans in and whispers in his ear things that might make others blush. Yeah, Leonard was officially screwed…
The officer approaches and Leonard rolls down his window. Jim is currently going through the glove compartment to find the cars registration. Well, he thinks, at least the kid can be responsible sometimes. Leonard has already pulled his identification information up on his padd. Now, if only Leonard knew what to say. It was kind of difficult to explain why he'd been driving so poorly without completely embarrassing himself. This highway patrol man was probably going to walk away with a good story about pulling over Star Fleet's finest. Once again, he found himself cursing Jim, but this time in his head.
No sir I ain't been drinking
I ain't even had one beer
This sweet thing's got me buzzing
From whispering in my ear
Just take a peek up in here
At this little hot mess
Mister, you'll understand
I'm doing my best
The officer walks up, shining his flashlight into the car, causing Leonard to blink and squint. In a moment the light is down, out of his face. "Sir, have you been drinking tonight?" the man asks. He can't be any older than Leonard and, from his fresh face, that is a generous estimate.
"No Sir. I ain't even had one beer." He cringes internally at having used the word ain't and how it makes him sound like a hick. He couldn't help but revert to his roots. He and Jim were in Georgia visiting with the McCoy family after all and he'd just spent the evening surrounded by the southern drawls of the many McCoy cousins.
He'd been driving home from a BBQ at his mama's place when they'd been pulled over. Of course, he and Jim could have stayed there in the spare bedroom but they had chosen to stay at one of his cousin's places. Said cousin was out of town and the privacy that afforded was highly valued. When he'd seen Jim start to drink, he knew he'd be the one responsible for getting them home and had opted not to drink that night, at least not until they got to their place. Jim, to his credit, was only very lightly buzzed. Enough to put an easygoing smile on his face but not to really affect his functioning.
The officer doesn't seem entirely convinced but offers a small nod and smile to McCoy in the friendly southern fashion as he looks over the identification information. "Leonard McCoy…." He mummers, reading over the information. "Dr. Leonard McCoy…" he says again as though he is trying to recall where he's heard the name before. He takes a closer look at Leonard in the driver's seat and then over to Jim, who has been quiet up to this point. Leonard can tell exactly when the realization of who they are hits as it's written across the man's face.
Jim flashes his best smile at the officer. "I'm sorry sir. It's probably more my fault than his that we weren't staying in our lane." Leonard wants to smack the kid right about now. The officer looks between the two of them and seems to get the picture. He's also clearly star struck and taken with Jim. Who didn't adore the kid with his big blue eyes and bright smile? It was more than that though, Leonard knew. Jim radiated his good nature and good will. It was difficult not to be endeared to the infant.
And I know I'm all over the road
I can't help but go
A little bit of left, a little bit of right
It's hard to drive with her hand over here on my knee
When she's all over me, I'm all outta control
All over the road
Leonard can't help but think that if the kid had any kind of self control that they'd be home right about now and they'd both be doing what Jim, and he, really wanted. But, no, Jim just couldn't keep his hands to himself. It was something Leonard loved but was also cursing at the moment.
They'd just made the turn off of the long drive that curved back to the McCoy home and onto the highway when Leonard felt Jim's hand on his knee. The simple way he was running his fingers up his thigh sent shivers up his spine. Soon though Jim was moving away from innocent touches and Leonard could feel himself starting to get worked up.
Don't wanna get no ticket
Don't wanna cause no wreck
It's hard to concentrate with her pretty little lips on my neck
I say "girl take it easy"
She laughs, says "it'll be fine"
How am I supposed to keep it between the lines
It was getting harder and harder to concentrate as Jim moved from running his fingers along his leg to placing kisses on his neck. The kid had unbuckled himself so he could lean over, running his fingers through Leonard's hair and doing his damn best to leave a very dark bruise on his neck. "Sugar….take it easy…." He mummers, knowing the southern pet name would serve to get Jim worked up too. Not that the kid needed working up at the moment. He was doing a fine job of that all by himself. For some reason it really turned Jim on when Leonard let his southern drawl out and used certain pet names. The only response he gets is a chuckle and a sharp nip at his already sensitive skin. It causes his hand to jerk and the car swerves to the left, then to the right as he over corrects.
Yeah I know I'm all over the road
I can't help but go
A little bit of left, a little bit of right
It's hard to drive with her hand over here on my knee
When she's all over me, I'm all outta control
And all over the road
The officer glances between them, clearly trying to gather himself and attempting to put on a stern face. "Distracted driving can be just as dangerous as drunk driving. I'm sure I don't need to tell you gentlemen that." Jim puts on his most serious and sincere expression. The one that he usually saves for Star Fleet Command. The kid was good, Leonard had to admit. If he didn't know the difference he'd have to wonder if he wasn't being played all the time too. Jim got away with a hell of a lot with Leonard, but mostly because the doctor allowed it and because the other man knew when to be serious with the doctor.
"I understand, sir." Jim flashes an embarrassed smile. Leonard knows the kid isn't embarrassed at all. "We just get so little leave time. I guess I'm just a bit excitable is all." He reaches over, resting his hand on Leonard's knee. "He's probably glad you stopped us just so I'd stop rambling on about how beautiful it is out here in the country and how great his mamma's sweet tea is. I didn't exactly grow up with all this."
And there it was, the bait was taken and the hook sunk in. Who didn't know the story of Jim Kirk, the Kelvin baby and savior of Star Fleet and preventer of war? A little charm, talking about the beauty of the area, and the officer was a gonner. Leonard has to fight not to roll his eyes or otherwise give away just how much BS Jim is pulling right now. Honestly, it is kind of funny and Leonard finds he needs to hold back a laugh. How did Jim always manage to get them into the most ridiculous situations?
Fine, Leonard can play along with this. He looks over at Jim, giving him a loving look that isn't at all faked. "Sugar, you know that part wasn't what distracted me." The look on the officers face is priceless and he has to look away from Jim in order to stop himself from cracking up right then and there. He uses his most serious tone as he addresses the young officer again. "Our turn off is in less than half a mile. I'm sorry about this and I can assure you it won't happen again. Isn't that right?" He asks, looking over at Jim, who nods.
Something 'bout these wheels rolling
Radio playing gets her going
I'm trying to get her home as fast as I can go
And I know I'm all over the road
I can't help but go
A little bit of left, a little bit of right
It's hard to drive with her hand over here on my knee
Have a little mercy on me
Sir I'm sorry I know
I'm all over the road
All over the road
All over the road
As the officer pulls away and Leonard puts his own car into drive to pull out onto the highway, Jim burst into uncontrolled laughter. "Bones, I didn't think you had it in you." He manages to say just as Leonard aims a punch at his arm.
"Kid, you really do know how to get into some sort of trouble no matter where you go, don't you? Can't even drive down some back country road without finding the one way to cause issues." He's not seriously upset though. He could think of much less pleasant ways Jim could have gotten them into trouble.
It seems that Jim is reading his mind because there is a hand on his thigh again as he turns the car into the drive. Good thing they were almost home. "You didn't seem to be complaining." He can practically hear the smirk in the other man's tone even if he had to keep his eyes on the road.
"I plan on making you make this up to me Jim, just like you promised." There is a chuckle from the passenger's seat that peters off as Leonard's own wandering hand runs along a thigh. Leonard has just put the car in park and there's nothing left to concentrate on now but the crazy but much loved man beside him.
AN: Well, that's it. I hope it at least got a smile. I know country isn't really the normal style for this couple but it just seemed to fit in my mind for this case. Reviews are welcome, constructive criticism and all.