'1,327…1,328…1,329…1,330…'
The Bulbasaur sighed and stopped her tally. She was counting the straw that made up her bed. The straw. She was counting straw. Was that really how bad things had gotten? Was this going to be how she spent her nights now? Counting straw? What next? Stars? Breaths? The teeth of Sharpedo Bluff?
She would have to sleep eventually. Even if she stayed up every night for a week. Not only would it affect her exploration duties, but her partner would undoubtedly notice. Squirtle knew her very well. And she wasn't that good at hiding her thoughts from anyone.
Nor her fears.
But what could she do? Sleep? No. No, that wasn't going to happen. No matter how tired she might become. Sleep was not going to come to her. Not without a price. Not without a nightmare.
The nightmare…
/"The world of darkness will be wonderful, Risika."/
Risika shuddered. She had fought insane deities before. She had chased and defeated the cruelest outlaws and come out on top. She had seen a frozen future and stopped it from ever happening at all. She had been non-existent for a while, and had nearly died numerous times.
But she had never heard a sentence that scared her as much at that one had.
What was worse was that it was real. Well, it had felt real.
A nightmare about a nightmare. Oh, the irony. Only after Darkrai was defeated did the worst nightmare come to her. She couldn't even blame this one on him. This nightmare was all her own mind's doing. Throwing in her face the one thing she couldn't fight off.
Maybe she should go back to counting straw.
She sighed again. Counting straw and staying awake wasn't going to solve the problem. It would only sap her strength and weaken her mind. She couldn't hide from her nightmares. They were messages from her mind. Things she had to face. But…
/"The world of darkness will be wonderful, Risika."/
She couldn't. She was scared. Scared of that ever happening. Scared of waking up and being back there, in the Dark Crater with her partner turning his back on everything they had ever fought for…She was scared of finding out that that was reality, and that this was the dream.
If she didn't fall asleep, she couldn't wake up.
But it wasn't only that. She was scared…she was scared of talking about it with Squirtle. Squirtle was her partner. She should know him better than anyone, and maybe she did. But…she had…believed… Believed that he could have truly joined Darkrai. There had been disbelief, but there had still been that hopelessness inside of her that said 'He's gone. He's the enemy now. To save the world, you have to defeat your best friend. Or join him…'
She shouldn't have thought that. She should have known. She should have known that it was all just a trick. But…she hadn't… And now, she was scared…Scared that if she brought it back up…he would remember that she had believed…and he would be disappointed…
She rolled onto her side. What was taking the sun so long? It should be morning by now. Her nights were taking on a pattern nowadays. She and Squirtle would go to bed together, and fall asleep. Then the nightmare would come. And she would wake up. And she would stay awake until morning came. She could handle that; the sleep she got was enough to get her through the day. But this time morning wasn't coming to bring a day full of exploring to save her. She was stuck. Waiting for the rest of the world to wake up. Alone.
Counting straw.
A few times she had gone out and visited Spinda's Café. Spinda, Wynaught, and Wobbafet were always there; along with some of the more regular customers. It had been nice. But it only took a few visits before they started asking if everything was alright. They knew she worked hard during the day. They saw the Pokémon who brought her team challenges, and job requests. So when they saw her awake far too late (or far too early) they worried. What was she supposed to say? Explain why she woke up every night? No. Best to just stay in bed.
And…count straw…
Fun.
No. Not fun at all. In all honesty, she was bored out of her mind. Boredom doesn't keep her awake. Boredom made her sleepy.
Sleep was not an option.
She had lost count of how many pieces of straw were on the left side of her bed. Or was it the right? Had she already counted that pile? Oh, where was the sun?
She closed her eyes. Enough. Being impatient won't bring the dawn any faster. Just relax. Listen to the sea. Count the waves. Breathe. Focus.
But don't fall asleep.
'1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…'
/"We can't possibly defeat him."/
/"He won't want just me. He'll get rid of me."/
/"The world of darkness will be wonderful, Risika."/
Her eyes snapped open again. Hadn't she just told herself not to go to sleep? Oh, she knew if she so much as closed her eyes she would fall asleep. She was that tired. But she had had a fleeting hope that maybe, just maybe, this time, the nightmare wouldn't come.
Waste of hope. It came. Just like before. Just like it always did.
She wasn't normally this downhearted. But a few weeks with little to no sleep and constant nightmares had drained her good-humour. Hard to be cheerful when one of the worst moments of your life replayed in your head every night.
She was surprised that Squirtle hadn't noticed her change in behavior. Maybe he was just too excited about their daily jobs. Or maybe…Maybe he knew. And…what? Wasn't asking her about it because he thought she could handle it? Or because he wanted her to tell him herself? Or maybe he knew more than she thought.
Maybe he was disappointed…
Squirtle…
She hadn't meant to let him down. Well, no one means to do that. But, what could she do? She could have done a whole lot back then, but what was she supposed to do now?
Face it.
Face the nightmare? Accept it? Accept that she had frozen, and had almost had to make a terrible choice? Or keep herself up every night to hide from it? To…count straw?
She knew which was the 'correct' decision, but…she couldn't. If he remembered her hesitation, her belief, he would hate her for it. He would leave her. She would lose the best friend she could ever remember having.
Will you lose faith in him again, Risika?
The more reasonable part of her, the part that told her to talk to Squirtle so she could put this mess behind her, sounded like Grovyle. For all that she could only remember knowing him for a few days; his common sense had stayed with her. He had made an impression on her, and on Squirtle. Grovyle had been a hero.
But he was wrong this time.
She wasn't losing faith in Squirtle! She was losing faith in herself. She had made a horrible judgment on a situation, and had almost made a terrible decision. That was her fault.
So you don't trust him to understand?
It wasn't that. There was no understanding. She had lost faith in him. She had believed that he could've turned and joined Darkrai. How could she have done that? Even if it was just for an instant, she had been prepared to make a choice. To either join him, in order to save him, or to stop the world of darkness.
Even if it meant stopping Squirtle, too.
He would hate her for losing faith like that. He had to.
Do you really think you're the only one with nightmares?
The…only one?
Of course. Squirtle. He had probably had his share of nightmares about that awful mission. But he hadn't been faced with an illusion of her. He hadn't almost fought his partner because he couldn't tell the difference between the real and the fake. He knew her better than she knew him.
She was not worthy of being his friend…
Do you think you're the only one with nightmares?
No. She didn't. But she was the only one with nightmares she couldn't fight. The Bulbasaur shook her head to clear it. This night had been a waste of time. She felt more tired thinking about why she was tired! She had been better off counting straw. She may have lost count twice tonight, but she still had plenty of time to start over. It wasn't as though the sun was in any hurry to rise.
'1…2…3…4…5…6…'
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
Here be the first part of my two-shot. What, did you really think she'd just count straw for the rest of the night? Or did you think that the main character could just brush off having their best friend (seemingly) turn evil? I don't know about the rest of you guys, but for me, that whole Darkrai scene was freaking creepy. The next part shall be up in a few weeks/months depending on if I have a major case of writers block again. But in the meantime, enjoy! =^-^=