You say you are saved and that I am not… can I save myself?
I walk over the snow that has a crème brule coating of ice on the top. My short stature leaves the powder to come to my knees and I have to lift my leg completely above my waist to tread across the field to the drop off. If I don't step high enough the ice cuts my legs through my jeans. I was cleaning off my car to travel to school the next morning but something prompted me to take a walk just like my dad always did. My mother yelled at me to come back in the house because the snowflakes started to come down as freezing rain but I refused and said I would come back soon. The lights from the houses started to fade and I was heading toward the darkness. The darkness attracted me. It was a sight where I could look foreword and I didn't know what was in front of me. Many people are scared of the darkness because they do not know what is hidden inside of it but what if your answers are hidden in the darkness?
Some of my friends are like me and like to dance within the darkness and some of my friends don't. What makes me different though from all of my friends though is that I didn't have a choice to live in darkness or light; darkness has followed me around for sometime. A couple of months ago my father died and many think my darkness comes from that but I know it was long before that. A year ago my first boyfriend broke up with me and many people think that is the source of my darkness but I know that he isn't a source of darkness; he is a source of light that I had once found but have since then lost. I have made a lot of friends in my last stretch of school in my hometown and for some reason; the more friends I make, the more darkness likes to follow me.
Many of my friends are of the Christian faith and believe that you can only be saved from the darkness if you declare and believe Jesus Christ to be your only savior. Something about that does not click with me though. I have extreme admiration for my friends that believe this but my heart tells me to follow a different path. I'm not saying that they are wrong, but I like to do things for myself.
I do have a very diverse group of friends though who are not all devoutly Christian. Some of my friends are very superficial and talk about nothing but boys. Some of them have extremely amazing talent especially for music. Some of them have pushed the limits of their lives and been on adventures that can be both exciting but daring at the same time. Some of them feel like very close family to me when I don't feel family at home. Some of them have always listened to me and always been there to support me. Some of them have been a reflection of myself and show me how to improve how I live my life. Some of them have always had faith in me and only want me to feel nothing but happiness. Some of them have acted as amazing role models and have set a path for me that I would love to follow. Some of them have always been there to have a fun time with me and to share good times. Some of them have gone on journeys with me no matter what the consequences. Some of them look up to me and give me pride in how I have lived my life so far. Some of them have been nothing but incredibly kind and make me feel included as a friend. Some of them have joined my life at a later time and shown me how beautiful life is.
Even though all of them contribute different elements to my life, they all balance my heart when I need it. Sometimes we need to walk though the darkness because the answers we are looking for could be hiding there but you need friends there to give you power to and walk with you. My friends are my power.