I'll tear away and destroy into shreds
Everything you thought you knew,
If you want me to save you, I'll be right here,
When you fall to your knees!
Petra Ral thought she was the luckiest girl in the world. Like many teenagers her age, she was a die-hard fan of the rock band No Name, whose popularity had quickly spread across the country. The best thing about the band was that they were shrouded in mystery; nobody knew their names, as they simply introduced themselves as H., M., and L., and the highlight of their suits were the white bandage strips wrapped around their eyes so not even the most observant fan could see their full faces.
This was their biggest concert of the year, and to excite the fans even more they'd made a competition out of it. Anybody who bought an advance copy of the new album they were releasing with the concert was illegible for being picked from the names of all the others who had bought them. The one person whose name was picked would not only receive a V.I.P. backstage tour, but would be the only person beside's the band's manager Erwin Smith to see what the three really looked like under their bandage masks.
Petra had bought the album with slim hopes of winning, and at the end of the concert could hardly believe it when L. smoothly plucked a slip of paper from his jacket and called her name.
"Once again, our winner here today is Miss Petra Ral!" L. strode across the stage and flashed a broad smile over the crowd. "Come on, I know you're in there!"
Still stunned, Petra raised her hand and jumped up. "Me! I'm Petra Ral!" she yelled, forgetting her nervousness. The crowd erupted into cheers as she walked up to the stage. The girl could hardly believe she was standing there, surrounded by the band members she had on her wall. The few questions she was asked went by in a blur, and before she knew it H. was holding her hand and leading her offstage, the other two following behind.
"So, Petra…" The three stood before her, all the questions she'd wanted to ask answered and selfies taken. "Time for the moment of truth. Keep this secret, alright?" H. asked good-naturedly. Petra nodded quickly, and the three looked at each other briefly before reaching up to the knots behind their heads keeping the bandage strips in place.
"One…two…three." The bandages fluttered to the floor, and three pairs of eyes, one brown, one green, and one grey, met hers.
Petra beamed excitedly as she asked them more questions, jotting down the answers to post on her blog, but she couldn't shake off the feeling that she'd seen L. before. He seemed so familiar.
A week passed, and after several days of her classmates at college fawning over her and trying to get her to reveal what the members of No Name looked like, things had settled down to normal. Like she did three times a week, Petra got up an hour early and changed into a light pink T-shirt and grey track pants, then jogged to the nearby gym for her workout.
As she finished her warm-ups and started going through her workout regime, she noticed another person in a track suit enter the gym and get to work on the weights, and she nearly dropped her skip-rope.
Slim but muscular build. Black bangs over a neat undercut. Narrow grey eyes.
Trying to stay casual, Petra walked over with a friendly smile. "Hi, I'm Petra. Nice to meet you…again."
His eyes flickered in recognition as he turned his attention back to the weights. "You train here?"
"Yeah, several times a week. Gotta stay in shape and all that," the girl replied with a giggle. "I've gotta say though, I didn't expect to see you here, L."
"I do martial arts, so I thought I should probably join a gym to train more, and this is the one closest to where I live." He smiled faintly and added, "I don't go by L. off-stage, though. I'm Levi – Levi Ackerman."
"Alright, Levi." Petra picked up her skip-rope again and kept count of her jumps as she remarked, "You know, you're a lot shorter than you were last time we met."
He glanced back at her with a scowl. "That's because I wear platform shoes. You can't wear those at the gym."
Deciding it would be better not to make a comment on that, Petra went back to her workout. She tried to engage him in a conversation a few times, but he appeared disinterested. L…no, Levi, was pretty different from how he acted on stage. The L. she was more than familiar with was flashy, talkative and almost always smiling, whereas Levi was sober, quiet and not the most talkative sort of guy. It made her wonder for a moment if L. and Levi weren't two different people.
"Will you keep coming here?" Petra asked as she finished her cool down and prepared to leave. Levi looked a bit surprised at the question, but then he nodded.
True to his word, he was there the next time she went to the gym, and the next time as well. As time passed the two found themselves talking more, and started getting to know each other.
"Say, do you play other instruments too, or do you just sing?" Petra asked as she stretched her back.
Levi lowered his fists from the punching bag dangling from the ceiling and brushed back his damp bangs from his face. "I play piano and acoustic guitar," he replied, "But neither of those fit rock so I just play them at home."
"That's so cool! I just sing, honestly, and I really enjoy it." Petra smiled as she stepped up to one of the other punching bags and slammed her fists into it.
"You're doing it wrong." Petra stiffened up at the touch of Levi's hands on hers as he stepped next to her. He casually slipped her thumb over her closed fingers and added as he tightened her fist, "If you punch like that you'll break your hand. Put the most force into your knuckles – that's your strongest point." Realizing he was touching her, he cleared his throat awkwardly and strode back to his own bag.
Petra tried punching the new way, and her blows really were stronger than before. "I've always wanted to play piano," she said wistfully, and then looked up at Levi on impulse. "Could you teach me?"
"Me?" The man questioned, taken aback. Petra nodded earnestly, and after a minute's hesitation, he finally answered, "Alright. Four in the afternoon, and don't be late."
At precisely four that afternoon, Petra arrived at the address Levi had given her. It was a large house, painted in pearly white and matt black. Those seemed to be his favorite colors, the girl mused as she knocked. He opened the door a moment later and invited her inside.
Petra had been so used to seeing him in his black or dark green track suits that she was mildly surprised to see him wearing black jeans and a loose white shirt.
"Have you done any piano lessons in the past?" he asked as they entered a huge living room, which was sparsely decorated with a few potted plants and a large mural on the wall of overlapping blue and white wings with the text Wings of Freedom. The centerpiece of the room was the sleek black grand piano, which Levi sat down at and motioned for Petra to sit next to him.
"No," the girl replied with a little laugh. "I could probably label the keys at best, but that's about it."
"In that case, we'll start at the beginning." Levi spent the next hour explaining the fundamentals of piano playing, and Petra couldn't help but watch in admiration as he spoke, growing more animated as he got deeper into the subject. It didn't take a deep thinker to see how much music meant to him; it was more than just a career…it was his life.
"You said you sing, right?" the man asked, eying her curiously.
"Yeah...but I'm not super good at it," Petra confessed.
Levi snorted. "I'll be the judge of that. What's your favorite song?"
Petra had a lot of favorite songs, most of which were by No Name, but there was another one that she held close to her heart, that she'd found especially comforting when her mother died of cancer several years back. "Do you know 'The Light Behind Your Eyes', by My Chemical Romance?" she finally replied.
He nodded, and Petra softly began to sing.
If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take the light behind your eyes,
Levi reached down to the piano and began to play, his hands dancing over the keys as his alto joined Petra's soprano.
One day I'll lose this fight,
As we fade in the dark,
Just remember you will always burn as bright.
Petra looked up at Levi with a smile as he ended the song, and felt a warm feeling flow through her as he smiled back.
"Why do you wear those bandages all the time?" Petra asked as she watched Levi iron the white strips. "Don't you want people to recognize you as a celebrity?"
"To be honest, no," the man replied as he set them aside. "I wanted to start a band, maybe even become famous, ever since college. Me and H. were friends back then, and it was her idea to start the band along with M., who was a friend of hers. But at the same time, I didn't want to have to be constantly in the media eye, like most celebrities. I just wanted to have…well, my own life at the same time, you know?" Petra nodded understandingly. "So we came up with the bandage thing – that way we could be famous but live regular lives at the same time. We also have a special protocol code, which we arranged to set into action if our identities are threatened, or for some reason we can't continue the band. At that moment, we'll ditch the bandages at our final performance, and we'll start leading our own lives."
Levi smiled faintly as he gazed at the girl. "But that won't be for a while yet, so don't worry." He didn't know why she kept visiting and hanging around him, but he secretly enjoyed her company. Nobody ever paid attention to him off-stage, and it felt so good to have a friend who knew his identity, his work, but also treated him like a normal person. A lock of light brown hair hung over Petra's face as she leaned down to rub a bit of dirt off her shoe, and he reached out hesitantly, unsure how she would react as he smoothed back her hair out of her eyes. He felt his face flush red, and he quickly dropped his hand and turned away.
After a few awkward minutes had passed, he peeked over his shoulder to see Petra still sitting there; she hadn't slapped him or stomped off or anything. Slowly she touched her hair, a blush growing on her cheeks. Then she smiled, and a wave of relief washed over Levi.
"W-will you come again?" he stammered, still embarrassed.
The girl's eyes lit up as she beamed at him. "I'd love to," she replied.
Time passed, and apart from their meetings at the gym Petra kept visiting Levi, and he visited her sometimes. At first they just talked and stayed in the comfort of their homes; then one day Levi invited her to his favorite restaurant, and after that they started going out more. Whether it was to a restaurant or to Petra's favorite art museum or to concerts, it didn't matter.
She thought the day she made him laugh for the first time was the best day of her life, and it was shortly afterwards that they realized they were in love.
As the months went by they grew closer. Petra introduced Levi to her father and all her friends, who thought she was extremely lucky to have such a good-looking boyfriend. (Some even said he could pass quite well as L. from No Name, but the two would simply smile and say nothing.) Levi had no parents, but he often took her to band practice to see the new songs he was working on and to meet H. and M., whom he introduced as Hanji and Mike. Petra found she and Hanji had a lot in common actually, and they loved talking in between rehearsals.
Nearly six months after the two had started dating, there was a huge event in their city following the presidential elections, and No Name was booked for a concert.
"You nervous?" Petra asked as she looked over his black suit approvingly.
Levi shook his head. "I've done this for three years now – of course I'm not nervous." He cleared his throat as he took a quick glance in the mirror and fixed some more hair spray over his bangs. "There's room in the car for one more. Would you like to come?"
She grinned. "I've got to run an errand for my dad first, so go on without me. But once I'm done you can bet your new broom I'll be there."
"Promise?"
Their eyes met and Petra reached up to adjust his tie. "Promise."
The two walked outside as a sleek black limo with the No Name logo on the side pulled up in front of the house. Erwin was driving, and Hanji waved eagerly from the back seat. Levi gave Petra a quick peck on the cheek and climbed in next to the other two. "I love you," he called, rolling down the window.
"I love you too." That wonderful smile Levi loved so much flashed across her face. "Good luck." The limo slowly picked up speed and drove off. He looked back and could see Petra waving from the sidewalk, and he waved back until the limo went around a corner and she was out of sight.
The next hour flew by in a rush of cameramen and instructions from Erwin and last-minute instrument checks. Finally everything was ready, and the three tied their bandage strips around their eyes and prepared to go on stage.
Where's Petra? She should have been here by now. Levi anxiously scanned the crowd on the cameras in their prep room, but he couldn't see her anywhere. He didn't want to start without her.
"Levi, stop watching the cameras!" Erwin yelled, poking his head in the room. "You're on in five!"
"Tch…" Levi sighed reluctantly and knelt to tighten his leather platform shoes. "I'll be right there, no need to make such a fuss." He glanced at his reflection in the mirror one last time, smoothed back the strips covering his eyes, and left to join Hanji and Mike, who were waiting for their cue to step on stage.
The smoking lights rose into a thick fog covering the stage, and just like always, the three sprinted noiselessly onto stage. Hanji flipped her electric guitar into her hands, Mike settled behind the drums, and Levi twirled the microphone stand effortlessly as the fog died down, giving way to a deafening roar from the crowd.
It was show time.
Levi smiled and waved at the cheering fans, but he was growing nervous as he scanned the huge crowd. Petra still hadn't arrived.
There wasn't time to worry about that, though. Hanji and Mike were watching him, waiting for him to kick off the concert. He took a deep breath, and launched into the first song.
The minutes turned into an hour. Six songs came and went, and still there was no sign of Petra. Levi kept up his confident appearance, and as his audience burst into laughter at a joke he made, the doors to the concert hall burst open.
It wasn't Petra, but rather a friend of hers that Levi knew as well. "Levi!" she called, searching through the crowd desperately. "Is Levi Ackerman here?"
Levi couldn't shake off the feeling that something was horribly wrong and on impulse he dashed off stage. Ignoring Erwin's protests, he ripped the bandages off his eyes and quickly caught up with Petra's friend. "Claire, what happened?" he demanded, gripping her shoulders. "Where's Petra?"
He quickly led Claire outside, where they could talk away from the crowd. As he was about to repeat his question, she began to cry softly.
"She…she had an accident…" the girl sobbed, burying her head in her hands. Levi paled in shock, trying to register what had happened. No. It's not true. It can't be. "We were coming to the concert…there was a drunk driver and he…he hit Petra. She told me… she told me to call you, and then I called 911 and they took her to the hospital, and I've been looking all over for you." Claire hugged Levi tightly, sobbing into his shirt. "I'm so scared, Levi!"
The man instinctively wrapped his arms around her, still in a state of shock. Slowly he took her hand and began walking towards the limo, then he broke into a run. A beep from his phone indicated Erwin was calling him, probably to demand an explanation for his actions, but Levi threw the phone in the back seat. "She'll be alright," he said out loud, more to himself than to Claire. "She'll live. She's got to."
Due to traffic it took them nearly half an hour to reach the hospital. As soon as they arrived the two dashed inside, where Levi and Claire soon found Petra's father waiting outside the operating room where doctors were working feverishly to save the girl's life. He looked as scared as Levi felt, maybe more so.
Levi sank into a chair and ran a hand through his bangs. Part of his mind was still dazed by what happened, still hardly believing this had happened, and the other part was racing a mile a minute, going back over the events of the day and trying to figure out how he could have avoided this. There was only one conclusion.
It was his fault.
If he hadn't left Petra to run her errands by herself, he could have saved her. She could have been happily sitting next to him right now, if it wasn't for his carelessness. Levi hadn't felt this helpless in years; the last time he'd felt this way seemed forever ago, when his two best friends had been killed in a car accident, of which he was the sole survivor. The fact that this was all happening again scared him more than anything.
I'm sorry, Petra. Levi felt tears burning in his eyes as he gazed at the operating room, wishing more than anything that he knew what was happening behind the steel door. I'm so sorry.
Time seemed to stretch to a halt as the door slowly opened and a doctor trudged out. His downcast eyes and the slump of his shoulders said it all. "You…you were able to save her, right?" her father pleaded, tears trickling down his cheeks. "Please tell me she's alive…please!"
The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ral. We did all we could, but the damage was too great."
Levi slammed his chair back and gripped the doctor's collar, shoving him against the wall. "You're lying!" he screamed. "You people always lie! She's alive!" The older man shook his head sadly, and in that moment Levi knew it was pointless to argue any further.
She was gone.
Everything seemed to fade into the distance, as if his very world was collapsing around him. He could faintly hear Claire touch his shoulder and ask if he was alright, but he roughly shook her hand off and broke into a run, trying to get away, get away from the reality that his love was dead…
He burst out of the hospital, and seeing the limo still parked there, he locked himself in, shaking as tears spilled down his face. I love you, Petra…please don't leave me, please…please…Levi punched the dashboard of the car with all his might, punching again and again until it was wrecked to bits and blood dripped down his knuckles. Physical pain was nothing compared to this. His hands fell limply to his side and he buried his head in the car seat, unable to hold it back any longer as he cried his heart out.
Hanji and Mike found Levi back at his house hours later, sitting alone in the darkened living room. He was loosely holding a photograph of Petra and gazing off into the distance, and didn't notice the two walk in until they were right next to him.
"I apologize for walking out on you," he said quietly, not looking at them.
Hanji shrugged, hiding the fact that she'd also been devastated at the news. "It's alright. We managed to finish up the show and sign all the autographs for you. Erwin was furious, but Mike was able to pacify him too." She placed her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "I would have reacted the same way, to be honest."
Levi finally looked up at her, dark shadows under his reddened eyes. "It was all my fault…" he muttered faintly. "I should have taken her with me."
The two taller adults glanced at each other, and Mike nodded curtly. "Levi," Hanji began, "Mike and I have been talking about it, and well…if you want to take a break after all this, or even stop…we just want you to know we'll support you. We will activate the protocol."
He gazed at her unbelievingly. "Really?"
"Yes. Erwin doesn't even have to know. We'll do one last concert and then disappear."
Levi hesitated as his eyes returned to the photograph he was holding. To just stop being someone he was not and begin living a normal life…before, when Petra was alive, he would have jumped at the chance. Now, there wasn't any point in doing it. Without the band to get his mind off his loss, there was no reason to live. "No…" he finally answered, and Hanji and Mike gazed at him, surprised. "If it wasn't for the band, I would have never met Petra. I want to continue it…for her. Make the songs she loved hearing." He placed the photograph on the small table next to the sofa he was sitting on, and continued, "But we'll take it a different direction. I…I don't want to hide anymore. We'll let the world know who we are."
The two nodded in agreement. "Alright," Hanji replied, reaching out to squeeze his hand. She hesitated a moment. "I spoke with Mr. Ral before coming here. He requested that we sing at her funeral tomorrow. What was her favorite song?"
Levi's mind flashed back to a day months before, when she had visited his house for the first time and he'd tried to teach her to play piano. "It was…The Light Behind Your Eyes. My Chemical Romance."
"Thanks. We'll do it, Levi – I promise." The two smiled encouragingly as they left, to practice for the rest of the night. As the door closed behind them the man slowly walked over to the piano and sat down. He remembered the day he'd composed a piece for Petra, and how happy she'd been when he played it on her birthday.
Shoving back down the tears threatening to fill his eyes, Levi took a deep breath and began to play.
Levi stood next to Petra's father as together they watched the casket lower into its resting place. He had seen Petra before the casket had been sealed. She looked beautiful, even in the clutches of death.
There were many people gathered there; mostly friends of Petra, but also a TV crew that had gotten word No Name would be performing at the funeral, and some fans which Levi sent Mike to get rid of.
Finally it was time. He ducked behind a stereo and tied the bandage strips around his eyes for the last time, then stepped out on the platform along with Hanji and Mike.
"Not many of you know this," he began, "But Petra was my girlfriend. You knew me as Levi Ackerman, and that's true, but I never told anybody apart from her that I was also L. I guess it was selfish on my part; I wanted to be able to live a regular life with the person I loved, without getting mobbed by people who knew me on stage. And for that I'm sorry.
"Petra was the first person to like me for just being me, not because I am a celebrity. I didn't have any other friends, and that was why I loved her. It felt good to know there was somebody who cared about me. I tried to protect her in return, and I confess I completely blame myself for what happened." He swallowed hard as he gazed over the crowd. "This band was the reason we met. And it is in her honor I will continue it. But from now on, I'll be me. I'm not going to hide anymore." With that, he untied the bandages from his eyes and let them fall to the ground as a collective gasp rose from the crowd. Hanji and Mike followed suit.
"A long time ago, Petra told me this song had sentimental value to her, and was her favorite. So I thought this would be the best way to send her off." At this cue Hanji began strumming on her electric guitar, Mike brought out the beats and Levi picked up the microphone. The two played the intro perfectly in sync, as if they'd known this song for years. Slowly he raised the microphone and with a deep breath, began to sing.
So long to all my friends,
Every one of them met tragic ends
With every passing day,
I'd be lying if I didn't say
That I miss them all tonight.
And if they only knew what I would say
If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take the light behind your eyes,
One day I'll lose this fight
As we fade in the dark,
Just remember you will always burn as bright.
Hanji's eyes were brimming with tears as she played, and Levi could feel a lump growing in his throat. He forced it down angrily, willing himself to keep it together.
Be strong and hold my hand
Time, it comes for us, you'll understand
We'll say goodbye today,
And I'm sorry how it ends this way
If you promise not to cry…
Tears burned his eyes as he sang, and with every line he couldn't get Petra's memory out of his head. With a new surge of energy, he threw everything he had into the song. Every part of his soul flowed into the music.
Then I'll tell you just what I would say
If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take the light behind your eyes,
I'll fail and lose this fight
Never fade in the dark,
Just remember you will always burn as bright.
The light behind your eyes…
Hanji watched almost in awe as Levi thrust out every line of the song. She'd never heard him sing like this before. It was as if the heartbreak had unlocked something in his voice, something amazing.
The light behind your,
Sometimes we must grow stronger and
You can be stronger when I'm gone,
When I'm here no longer,
You must be stronger and
If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
Never let them take the light behind your eyes,
Tears streamed freely down Levi's face, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes, every part of his grief going into the song, his voice ringing out strong and steady over the crowd.
I failed and lost this fight,
Never fade in the dark,
Just remember you will always burn as bright.
The light behind your eyes,
The light behind your eyes,
The light behind your eyes…
He felt his voice breaking as the song drew to a close, both Hanji and Mike throwing their all into the music.
The light behind your eyes.
The crowd stood up in an ovation, many of them crying as well. Levi let the microphone drop to the floor as Hanji and Mike came to stand next to him. As the three held hands on the podium, a blue bird fluttered over the crowd and took to the sky, and Levi couldn't help but smile.
The band would go on. And he hoped that somewhere…somewhere in a place he couldn't see, Petra was watching him.
And she would be smiling.
Thanks for reading! Please review!