Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
A/N: This pretty much came out of nowhere. I was incredibly bored yesterday, and was getting sick of having to trawl through pages upon pages of Mary-Sues just to find one decent fic; thus, this random poem was born. Mary-Sue bashing a-plenty. If you don't like, don't read.
Thick luscious hair,
Limpid green eyes.
What is it that all authors despise?
Full pouty lips,
A cute button nose.
Skin so rosy it practically glows.
A past full of angst,
Disaster, and strife.
An uncanny ability to come back to life.
Amber Rose Sparrow,
Lauren Turner the Third,
Yet another Mary-Sue has come to join the herd.
She's sent into the past,
And in love with Jack.
Is it too late to send her back?
Enthralled by the sea,
And thus Davy Jones.
Ignoring the fact that he's Calypso's alone.
A sister to Elizabeth,
Beloved by all,
Of course it's poor Will who takes the fall.
Some people flame,
While others review.
Personally, though, I am simply amused.
They target the "hotties,"
Will, Jack, and James.
Could it be any more evident why they always get flames?
With the aforementioned,
It's always love at first sight.
They constantly get along, they never fight.
Some are from the future,
Sent back in time.
Their appearance, of course, is always sublime.
The bad guys, it appears,
Are believed to be good.
The usual excuse is that they're misunderstood.
Barbossa, Davy Jones,
And Beckett, too.
Have all been targets of our "friend" Mary-Sue.
Most are but teenagers,
Some naught but fourteen,
Yet they're still well-proportioned, gorgeous, and lean.
The sick part of it,
Is that in PotC,
Every major character is over twenty-three.
Except for Will and Elizabeth,
That much is true.
But they're already in love, so what's it to you?
With everyone else,
It's sick and wrong,
To think –insert random character here- and a teenager are getting it on.
To the author it's wonderful,
To some readers it's okay.
The rest of us, though, just try to stay away.
Murderers of canon,
With magical powers.
And why the hell are they all named after flowers?!
And just when you thought,
It couldn't get any worse,
They show up with a friend from their universe.
But the saddest thing is,
The author hasn't a clue,
That their beloved character is a Mary-Sue.
Well, that turned out longer than expected.
Drop a review and let me know what you thought, though please keep in mind this was just written in fun.