Disclaimer: NO CardCaptor does not belong to me... it and it's amazing characters belongs to the wonderful women of CLAMP and Hunter is copyrighted to Dido. Don't sue me, I've got very little money and that goes to anime!
Author's Note: Hunter by Dido has a haunting melody and it's very inspiring. I downloaded it from Napster last night (11/18/00) and while I was listening to it in utter darkness I felt something from the depths of my soul sink into this song and pull my mind with it. As my mind got wrapped up in this song an image of Yukito came to me. He had huge dark wings and thus this story came forth. Please send all comments and criticisms to silverwolf_55444@yahoo.com and read the note at the end of this story as well.
To Let Go
(to fly again)
written by SilverWolf k' Leshya
~Yuki stepped into the dark house. Outside it was snowing and cold, yet somehow he longed to be out there, to be able to rise up on that pliable darkness and fly through the night. As he puts down the groceries in his arms and smiles a little sadly at the light he knew would be on. I knew you'd be up, I know that look you will give me so well. You know that something's wrong and it almost breaks my heart to know that you don't except me to come back sometimes. You're my lover, my friend, but I need something else . . . yet if you were a king up there on your throne would you be wise enough to let me go. One day you'll have to let me go . . . but I don't know what to say to you . . . I don't know what to be for you. Let me be, Touya, let me be.
~Touya looks up not really expecting Yukito, the snow bunny he'd caught years ago.
I can see that you're not all here sometimes dear one. Am I that tyrannous, Yuki . . .that you seek release. I loved you then and I still love you now, but I know, somehow I *know* that you are not comfortable, that this is not you.
~@~ The tension in the room was almost visible as Yuki stepped into the room, the relief that Touya showed was achingly desperate as he reached up to pull the snow-haired man to him. ~@~
~Yuki relaxed a bit in his lover's arms, yet in his mind he could feel the wings of his freedom hurt. As I lay in his arms I feel happy, but not content . . . I feel as if I should be out there, to see things alone again . . . to take a chance on life again.
~Touya senses a shift in mood, and his heart tightens as watches the man he was in love with stare longingly out of their window. You want to be out in the world again, don't you. A painful look crosses his face.
~@~ Yuki leans into Touya and kisses him gently on the lips. As Touya shifts so Yuki is under him, Yuki senses that this time it's going to be different . . . The moon outside shines off the glowing snow and reflects a world of lonely drifting flakes.
~I know, he is not mine to rule over. This will be the last time he will be mine, then I guess I'll have to be wise enough to let go.~
~@~ As Touya slides in and out, a single sparkling tear traces a path down his cheek and lands onto Yuki's lips. None others follow it.
~ I feel the drop hit me and I taste the saline. As I reach up to trace the path of the tear drop, I know I love this man and yet I want to be a hunter again. I need to FLY!
~@~ As they explode simultaneously, Touya smiles a bit sadly at Yuki, who tries to be brave and happy.
~I know you need to be what you are inside, and this is not it.
~@~ Touya stands and in the light of a cold moon he is shadowed with inner anguish.
"Yukito, my Yuki-chan . . . go . . . I may not be brilliant but I *know* you. GO!"
~I'm confused, go... GO! He releases me from our mutual promise! I can go can see the world alone again! I can be the hunter I have to be!
~@~ Ecstatic joy races across Yuki's face, then in a cautious voice he said, "One day, when the love you ask from me isn't a heavy crown upon my head . . . I will return. But, To-ya . . . I want to be a hunter again. I want to be the me I was then."
Touya smiled and held out his hand, in it was a gold ring. Engraved in it were two wings and it said 'for my love will free your soul forever more'.
Yuki placed it on his wedding finger and leapt out of the bedroom window. As Touya rushed to the window he saw Yukito rise into the air on wings of night-black and disappear from view.
As he collapses in tears on the bed, he knows that Yuki will be back.
~@~ The snow has begun to fall again and as the moon is shrouded in a cloak of clouds, an infinitely sad voice whispers, "Go . . . I've let you go to be the hunter you are inside. Return to me, when you want to be the snow bunny as you used to be . . . for me."
END NOTE: This story is different from many of the Yuki/Touya stories I've read, and I wasn't sure if this would be acceptable, but thanks to the support of a friend (Kel), I did put the story up. As I proof-read this story, I'm surprised at the emotions behind it and I'd like to say to those of you who might not understand the anguish of wanting love but valuing freedom: Learn to let go. I don't mean of your significant others, I mean of the worry, the wanting, the stress that plagues everyday life and rise above it on wings of freedom. Do something that makes YOU feel good sometimes.