Diary of a Weasel
Dear Diary,
My name is Itachi Uchiha. I am the coolest, smexiest, hottest, strongest, overall bestest ninja ever. I am so cool. I am like, the coolest guy ever. I don't even need to splurge over my smexiness, because if you're cool, you gotta be smexy too. It's like, a rule. So, when I say i am the coolest guy ever, I'm also saying I'm the smexiest guy ever. Got me? Yeah, you do, cause you're the bestest diary ever. you're purple, with red hearts all over you. You're so awesome, In fact, I'm gonna call you, um, I'm gonna call you, um, ooooh, Sassy! You could be the little brother I never had! Of course, I know I have a real brother, but he sucks, cause he doesn't like the color pink, so, you're so much better! yes!
Sincerely,
Itachi Uchiha
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Dear Sassy-chan,
Isn't Sassy-chan just the cutest name ever? Yes it is! I know you agree with me, because you're cool like that. You're almost as cool as I am. But I'm cooler. Cause I'm me. yeah. I think you're name is awesome. Did you know that my brother's name is Sasuke? He would be Sassy-chan, but he hates that name. He's so mean! and not cool! but the last part of his name is uke, so you'd think that he would be cool and you'd think he'd love the name Sassy-chan, but noooooooooooooooo he's not cool enough. He's just stupid and emo-ish. I mean, he's so gay, always whining about me killing my family. I mean, I had a good reason, and he won't listen. I should've killed him a long time ago. I mean, he's the one that started it. One day he started laughing at my name, Itachi, which means weasel, and then the rest of my clan started laughing at me too. It went on for a week, and then I couldn't stand it so I killed everyone. I should be the one all depressed, not him!
Sincerely,
Itachi Uchiha
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Dear Sassy-chan,
I found THE shirt ever today. It was fishnet and it was so so so so so so cute. So I just had to buy it. They had my size and everything. Kisame didn't get why I was so excitied over the shirt. He's just not cool enough. Anyway, I decided to throw a pajama party for the aktsutaki. Everyone is gonna be there. Or I'll kill them. Isn't that just so much fun Sassy-chan? yes, it is! You are just the best person to talk to ever. yes you are! You're almost as cool as I am. But I am the coolest of cool. I have the coolest clothes, the coolest styles, and the coolest scars. I mean, don't you think my nose scars are so awesome. Who doesn't think my nose scars are cool? WHOEVER THINKS SO MUST DIE. That's another reason why my family liked to laugh at me. Evil family. They deserved to die.
Sincerely,
Itachi Uchiha.
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