"Charlie, you can't be in here…"
"I can't NOT be in here," Charlie argued.
"It's not an option Charlie, I don't want you in this resus," Connie said forcefully. "Out. Now."
Unable to take his eyes off the woman on the bed infront of him, he backed off – holding his hands as a surrender to show he gave up. Pushing his way through the doors, he stood to the side infront of the window looking in.
This was all his fault.
"You're going to make me have this conversation, aren't you?" Duffy said, looking across the table at Charlie.
They'd found themselves in a greasy spoon cafe, not far from the hospital, having a strong cup of tea and a sandwich to help them both process their busy shift at work.
Charlie, shrugged, trying to play it down, "If you want to have it," he said.
Duffy thought carefully. The man infront of her was by far and away her closest and best friend in the entire world. She and him had been through so much together, supported one another through everything life had thrown at them. But why was she reluctant this time to talk to him? Why was it so hard this time?
"I don't really know where to begin," she admitted.
Charlie, sensing her unease, leaned across the table and took her hand gently.
"Why are you here, Duffy? Why Holby?"
She smiled, "Other than you, you mean?"
He smiled slightly – humour, the best way to try and distract him from the conversation she didn't want to have. "I'm flattered but, yes, other than me."
She sat back in her chair, taking her hand away from his and suddenly feeling very cold. Closing her eyes and she took a deep breath in trying to summon the courage to speak, to tell Charlie everything.
A man walked past, looking briefly at the pair of them, and back at Charlie. A look of recognition in his eye before placing his order and sitting on the other side of the cafe.
"I messed up," she began. "Well, we messed up. Me and Ryan. We drifted and drifted further and further apart. And he just didn't need me anymore, I felt like a spare part in his life, there to just cook his dinner and do the household chores. The boys are older and have their own lives, own girlfriends, own jobs. They aren't at home anymore, they don't need me. So I came back to Holby…"
"I'm glad you did…" Charlie added.
Duffy smiled, " It wasn't quite what I had in mind, seeing you lying in resus. But, it made me feel like the old me again. I was wanted, I could help some of the less experienced nurses. It was like putting on an old pair of comfy shoes."
She paused, thinking carefully on her next words.
"I cheated on Ryan," she said quickly.
"Duffy…" Charlie said, half in shock, but half out of sympathy for her situation.
"No, no. Don't say it like that. Let me finish. I cheated on Ryan. And so I cheated on my family."
"That isn't…" Charlie began.
"Charlie, please," she begged, leaning closer in to the table, looking straight into his eyes. "You never approved of me and Max, and rightfully so. This was no different, I cheated, Charlie."
Charlie wanted to tell her that Ryan deserved no different anyway, that as far as Duffy was concerned she had every right – Charlie had never trusted him and never wanted him anywhere near her. But Charlie could read Duffy's expression and knew his comments wouldn't be welcomed.
Duffy sighed, her eyes beginning to glisten. "Jake found out first. He walked in on me and… The hurt Charlie. His face. You see, it doesn't matter what was going on with me and Ryan, however I try and justify it, I can't. I thought it was harmless, and even if Ryan found out it might bring him to his senses, or teach him a lesson. How could I be so foolish? So naïve to think it wouldn't affect the boys? When Jake saw us, and when I saw the look on his face. Oh, Charlie. In that moment my whole world blew apart. I went after him, I begged him to forgive me like a wife would beg her husband. He wasn't having any of it. He told me that if this is what I thought of our family then why should he, because it was all gone now. That it wouldn't ever be the same – how could I have done it to all of them. Charlie, you see, Ryan is their dad now - whatever you think of him. He's who they look upto, and he's always been so attentive to them – he's been a really good father. They love him. More than they do me at the moment."
Duffy paused to catch her breath, feeling overwhelmed by finally speaking it all out loud. She tucked a loose hair behind her ear and Charlie could see her hands shaking. He took them.
"What happened next, Duffy."
She looked down at their hands entwined, and then up into Charlie's eyes, that were fixed on hers, full of compassion and empathy. She felt safe.
"Jake said I had to tell Ryan, and of course I agreed – how could I let him carry around that secret? I told Ryan straight away, that night, I couldn't let Jake keep it from him, him and Ryan are so close. They all are. Ryan flipped and stormed out, understandably. But in comparison to the boys, I barely cared. Then Peter came home, he said Jake had told him everything and I just couldn't bare to see it anymore. The pain on all their faces. You see, I might have cheated on Ryan, but my boys don't see it like that Charlie. They see it as I cheated on them. And I did," her voice began to shake, she looked down at the table. "I did, because me and Ryan are supposed to be their parents and I'm supposed to be their mum, and I chose some fling and a bit of fun over being their parent. They hate me, Charlie," her voice broke, tears beginning to spill down her face.
A man, across the cafe from them looked up from his phone, staring in their direction. Charlie ignored him.
"Duffy, look at me," Charlie said gently, lifting her chin so that she was forced to look at him. "They are adults. They will understand if you talk to them, they'll see. You just have to give it time."
Duffy shook her head. "Jake and Paul, they aren't interested in me now. They say I've chosen what I want to do by coming here. That I've run away from them… And they're right Charlie," she sobbed. "I've run away from it all and I'm so ashamed…"
Her body shaking from her emotion and tears now fell uninterrupted down her face she collapsed her head into her hands, breaking her connection with Charlie, where he had held on to her so strongly throughout her story.
Immediately feeling the lack of her touch, he got up from his chair, fully aware that the two of them were now being watched by other customers in the cafe, and bending down beside her chair, put his arm around her allowing their heads to touch briefly.
"Come on," he whispered quietly. "Let's get out of here."
Feeling her nod, he gave her shoulders a squeeze and gathered his jacket and her bag before heading towards the door, and home, out of the sight of the rest of the world.