Ask Ash's Pikachu
Interviewed live by DJ Mary at Goldenrod Radio (Takes place after Ash beats Whitney)
Translated by Meowth the talking Pokémon criminal (We had him do community service)
Q. Pikachu! It's your buddy, Squirtle! YO!-Squirtle
A. Uh…? That's not a question. Let's get down to business. Give me questions, or this whole thing is a waste of valuable time.
Q. Oh sorry. What do you think of my awesome sunglasses?-Squirtle
A. Okay. Correction. I'll only answer serious questions. (Too bad you twerps ain't serious folks, huh?)
Q. Why you gotta be so tight, man? You need to relax and hang with the Squirtle Squad!-Squirtle
A. Go away, Squirtle. (See? What I tell ya? You guys just don't-hey what are you doing? You're not about to Thunderbolt me are ya? Stop that. I mean it. NO! STOP! Okay, okay! You win I'll stop. Yeesh.)
Q. Um…you remember me right? Pichu? We had an episode together with my brother where you got lost and we had a time limit to get back but then we started to get attacked and….well, anyway, my brother. I'm a bit worried about him. He's been all depressed lately. Started chugging them rare candies. I-I think he needs help. Wha-What should I DO?-Pichu
A. Of course I remember you Pichu! How could I forget you two? Sorry to hear your bro is under the weather. Well, looking at what you gave me, I would suggest trying to find out why your brother is so sad. Seeing as he's doing rare candies, it makes me think that it's because he wants to be stronger. If that's the case, tell him this: Rare Candies are NOT the answer. Training is. Training gets you stronger. Back in Kanto, when I was fighting I had a similar choice. Previously, I had gotten trounced by Lt. Surge's Raichu. This led Ash to question if he should evolve me or not. Thunderstones, right? I chose NO. Instead I trained. And I beat Raichu next time we fought. Rare Candies won't do that for you. They make you weaker in the end. Please tell your brother that. I hope your situation gets better.
Q. What a whole bunch of sappy-wappy. Could you be any less senile? - Squirtle
A. SHUT UP, SQUIRTLE!
Q. Hey Pikachu. This is so cool. I finally get to talk to you! But pal, I've always wanted to know- what do you think of me?-Ash (Hey it's the twerp….I-I mean the trainer. Please don't do that Pikachu. PLEASE!)
A. Hey, you're the boss. Without you, I'd be nowhere, buddy. Thanks. Course' there are a few things I'd do differently…I'd let me fight more for one…
Q. Geodude. Why doesn't Brock use me so much, dude? - Geodude
A. I really don't know. Ask Brock. If I had to say, I think it's because Onix is better than you.
Q. Dude! That, like, hits me right here, dude. Why'd you have ta say that, dude? - Sad Rock dude
A. You asked. I'm just calling em' as I see em'
Q. HEY! I heard what you said about me, you unevolved runt. You got lucky, punk. You better watch your back, cause' next time I won't go so easy, you got that?! –Angry Raichu
A. Ha! You?! Bring it on! How you goin' to beat me? You're slow as a Slowbro!
Q. Hey, it's Brock! 2 things. One: How do you like my cooking? 2: How do I get Whitney to kiss me?-Sadeyes (Did you really just call yourself Sadeyes?)
A. Well, your cooking is great. Don't worry about that. As for Whitney, (or all girls for that matter) I find that being adorable often helps. Oh and fluffy. Got to work on that fluffiness daily. (HA! That do-gooder will never get a girl!)
Q. Psst. Hey. It's us. Yessss. Ussss. Uh...yeah. We just wanted to uh, um, to uh, ssssay sssorry. Yes! Yes. Sorry. You know. For trying to uh, you know; convince you to join us…again. It'sssss not ssssomething we dessssire. Yeah, our uh, masters. They tell us what to do. We do it. You, um, understand, right? Pleassssse forgive ussss. Uh, yeah. You really are getting stronger by the way. Uh, stay strong. Sssseee you ssssoon - Poisonous rockets. (Rockets? I work for Team Rocket. Nah. This can't be anyone I know.)
A. Aw, its okay. I should be the one saying sorry. I have to uh…initiate your launch sequence almost every time we meet. You know, you should really consider making your, uh, own branch, you know? Fly your own rockets. Know what I mean? You guys take care of yourself. (…Rockets..? Nah. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.)
Q. Um...hello. It's uh…no one. I mean it's someone. Just…no one you know… I uh…I uh…I have a sort of…thing…for him…Ash, I mean. But um, I don't think he sees me the same way. Do you know how I could get him…to notice me more? As in romantically? I…want him with me. His sleek black hair, his steely eyes, his great smile…what I wouldn't give to wrap my vines around him. HANDS! I mean hands! You're um, closer to him than I am. Not that you know me or anything because you don't. Okay, so maybe you do. But I'm not telling who I am! I'm actually a bit, well, how should I say this…? I guess there's no other word…I'm a bit jealous of you…I wish I could be as close to him as you were. I'd do so much more than just be his top Pokémon. I mean…I'm not his Pokémon or anything! But could you just tell me how? Tell me how you got to be so close to him? How I can get closer to him? –Lost and Lonely Chick. (What da-the twerp has a..?)
A. …Yeaaaaaa-no. Look Chikorita. You're a Pokémon. That's not going to work. Not now, not ever. You don't want to go there. "There" is bad. Leave it alone. (…Wait WHAT?! The twerp's secret admirer is…his CHIKORITA?! WHAT. NO THAT'S NASTY! EWW!)
Q: B-but why? Why can't it work? There's a first time for everything right? Ash doesn't seem interested in Misty, or ANY human girl. He pays more attention to us Pokémon! It can work!-Lost and Lonely Chick (I think I'm going to be sick...)
A: Come on. Get off whatever you're on. It won't work. Newsflash- you're about 2 feet tall. You weigh less than twenty pounds. How in the world could that possibly work? Think about it. You try to go through with this, and you'll just end up hurt-and I don't just mean emotionally. Lose the penname too. We all know who you are. (…Oh for the love of Mew…I just thought about it…)
Q: Size doesn't matter! I can evolve! As a Bayleef, I'll be just the right height! Come on Pikachu, open your mind! Say it can happen. Believe! –Future Mrs. Ketchum (Future WHAT?! Uh-UGH! *vomits*)
A: No. Not a chance. And don't call yourself that either. I got Meowth barf on my tail. (..O-Oh. W-Why….)
Q: Fine. But what you say doesn't matter. No matter what you think, I WILL be the Pokémon that marries Ash. Mark my words. I WILL be that Pokémon! Wrong. I will. …What? That wasn't me. Who was that? It is I. Latias. Lati-wha? Who are you? Latias. …Never heard of you before. Of course not you little leaf head. I'm from the future. What?! The future?! Yes. And I will be the Pokémon that marries Ash Ketchum. Wha-WHAT?! NO YOU WON'T! THAT SPOT IS MINE! Hahaha. Pathetic weakling. I'm from the future. I know how things will turn out. Oh, you'll try. But all your licks and snuggles won't be taken as affection. To him, all it will merely be is the bond between Pokémon and trainer. Because that's all you'll ever be to him. Another Pokémon. N-no…no. I can't b-be. I-I m-must mean more. You're not. That's all you are. Another Pokémon. One of his many, many Pokémon that he'll send to rot with that clueless Professor Oak. B-b-but…. I…..I… BUT I on the other hand, I'll be his wife. I'll make history as the first Pokémon to ever marry a human. Do you wish for me to tell you how it will happen, mortal? …..
Easy. It'll happen soon. He'll get sick of the Johto life and move to Hoenn, leaving you and the rest of your pathetic Johto comrades in that stupid Oak's care. He'll visit my hometown of Alto Mare. I'll befriend him. He won't be able to resist me. A legendary. He'll be captivated by me. Incidentally, did you know I could change into human form? Makes things a bit easier down the road, don't you think? Hm? Answer! …I…I uh…. Never mind. It doesn't matter what you insignificant leaf has to think. Anyway, during that day, a terrible coincidence happens. An evil organization that you may be familiar with named Team Rocket will strike, attempting to capture us to obtain a very useful artifact known as the Teardrop. Hehehe. Pitiful fools. However, they do a sufficient job and manage to snare my poor brother Latios. Being the helpless little sister I am, I turn toward Ash for help and we manage to stop Rocket before it's too late and return the Teardrop. Tragically, however, my dear brother destroys himself to stop them. Necessary sacrifices. All for the purpose of true love right? Ash wishes to continue his journey from there and there is nothing I can do to change his mind. So before he leaves I kiss him. On the mouth. O-O-On the mouth?! SHUT UP! Yes, there. And I do so in my human form. Ingenious, wouldn't you say? A few years will go by, maybe 10, maybe 20. But Ash will tire of his journeys. Then his curiosity will surface. He will wonder if all those years back in Alto Mare, did a human kiss him? Or was it me? He will return. And when he does, I'll be there to greet him. Tear-stricken and joyous. I will declare my undying love for him right then and there, and he will accept. We will live happily while you and your company rot away in Oak's deserted research lab.
…I….I…NOOO! CHIKA! CHIKAAA! (Meowth, what's going on?! I don't know! I can't translate! She's gone berserk!)
HAHAHA! Hapless fool. Farewell.
CHIKAAAAAAAA! -?
A: …I…uh…What just happened? I…I think I'll call this a wrap. I got to go to Chikorita. Try and calm her down. Gotta be there for her. Uh…See ya guys… (MEOWTH! I'm leaving too. This stuff was NOT in the job description!) Yeah…I guess this ends the interview…bye.
Q: YO! You've got some pretty messed up things on this show bro! - Squirtle