Hello there! Thank you very much for clicking. This will be, hopefully, one of my first long fanfictions in my short history of writing such things. And hopefully, it'll be a good laugh for anyone who reads. All of R2's dialogue will be in italics and normal speech will be in quotations.

And yes, I know I promised people this would be out earlier in October, but what can I say, real life is evil. So as they say, on with the show.

Disclaimer: I own a few things, but unfortunately, not Star Wars.

Saving the Galaxy

Being the account of one astromech droid, Artoo-Detoo as recorded for posterity by the Whills, the keepers of history, on the events of the Clone Wars, the rise of the Empire and its fall. It is hoped that by getting a first-hand account of the adventures of the famed heroes, namely the Skywalker and Solo families, history will forever remember these events in a proper, more detailed light.

-Begin Record-

Start? Now? Geez you need to give a droid like me a little more warning. I'm not as young and spry as I used to be you know…

The Clone Wars? The Skywalkers? Well make up your mind buddy…you want the whole story or the sweet edited version they tell the younglings and mimic in the holovids?

The whole story huh? You are a brave bunch I must say.

Fine. But only because Threepio already sold his version—and I wouldn't be doing the galaxy justice to leave that poor mangled tale out there as truth. Jibbering goldenrod.

The beginning. The very beginning.

All right, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Part One

1

Of Gungans and the First Rescue

First off, let's get a few things straight.

One, I have never had a mind wipe. Threepio has. You do the math.

Second, I don't know what they tell you, but even without sensory placements, I can assuredly tell you that Gungans are offensive.

Third, after this encounter, you'll see how the so-called "heroes" couldn't have survived without me.

And that is not conceit that is the truth.

I suppose I don't have to tell you about the Trade Federation blockading the small planet of Naboo, bringing oppression to all the people that lived there. And you probably already know that the Queen, Amidala, escaped from that blockade with the help of two Jedi Knights.

But you probably didn't know that this was exactly when I came into the picture.

And the first thing I remember training my optical sensors on?

A Gungan named Jar Jar Binks.

The name is infamous now of course, but back then, it was just plain annoying.

I was serviced to wait in a small hold of the Queen's ship, waiting with about six other astromech service droids to be called on to fix the ship as needed. Typical duty, but it was my first big assignment and I was a little excited.

Then Jar Jar stumbled in and roused us from our shutdown with some sort of greeting.

My sensors flared to alertness and about two point five seconds later, the service light began to beep and flash.

Immediately realizing that we were needed to work repairing the ship on the outer hull, we dutifully rolled over to the service lift. I was fairly buzzing with anticipation but forced myself to calm down. A calm head was needed to tackle these problems.

Outta my way! I snarled at Jar Jar, who had somehow ended up right in front of me, blithering around in this chaotic mess.

"How wude," he muttered after me. I would have stuck out my tongue at him if I had one and time. As it was, I simply continued my way up to the top of the ship, the great suction of the lift tube hurling me out into space with great force.

Here goes nothing. I whistled to no one in particular as I made my way over to the broken part of the ship hull, rolling confidently through the maze of laser fire past my counterparts.

How ya doin' Sparky? I asked one of the more notable ones, as I tried to assess the situation.

Artoo, there's no way we can fix this in time! He communicated in a panicked voice. Just look at these wires…

Whoa, Sparky, calm down. Let's just take a moment and concentrate, okay? I said, realizing as Sporty got casually blown away to the right of us, that I would have to take control of the situation.

Okay. Sparky straightened himself up, extended his arm to help me bypass the main system…

And got totally blown away into space.

Criminy! I exclaimed, annoyed as I worked on my own to maneuver the complex mechanics on the hull of the ship. I gave the mechanical equivalent of a sigh and, slowly maneuvering the power controls, got the shields on the ship working again.

Single-handedly got the ship working again. Just thought I might highlight that little detail in case you missed it the first time.

I was sad for my droid brethren of course, but as I coolly rolled back into the interior of the ship, I couldn't help but think some recognition was deserved for keeping a cool head in such a tight spot.

And for once, I got it.

The Queen commended me, little Artoo-Detoo, in front of her entire entourage on the ship. Then she ordered her handmaiden Padme, to clean me up.

But really, who did they think they were fooling with this handmaiden stuff? Padme was obviously the Queen in disguise, something I figured out as she was carefully cleaning me and singing my praises.

"Oh Artoo, I'm so worried for Naboo," she confided in me as she wiped away some oil.

Don't worry, we'll come out okay. As long as we don't run into any trouble with the hyperdr—

"Now we're going to have to crash land on Tatooine because the hyperdrive is low. I need to get to Coruscant." She sighed as she got a fresh rag.

Aw, cripes. I sympathized. Inwardly, I cursed myself for not being able to fix the hyperdrive as well as get the shields up. But then, there's only so much one droid can do.

She smiled. She opened her mouth to say something further…

And then, who stumbled in to ruin the wonderful moment?

You got it. Jar Jar.

"Hidoe! Whosa are yousa?"

She's the freakin' Queen you moron, why don't you leave us alone and let her adulate me properly huh? I shot back angrily, as Padme's gaze shifted from me to the hideous aberration.

"I'm Padme."

What a kind human, I thought to myself. She would even give this low amphibian the time of day while cleaning an obvious hero like me. They call that integrity, kids.

"Mesa gettin' berry skeered!" Jar Jar admitted, after some long extrapolation that only someone as annoying as Threepio could pick up.

Not half as scared as you're gonna be when I'm through with you. I threatened menacingly.

But alas, all Padme and Jar Jar did was share a heartwarming laugh, as those poor organics can't appreciate the full complexity of processed language.

And so my role as a hero began.

Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.