Chapter One
My parents dropped me off outside of King's Cross, knowing I'd make it on the train safely.
"Say hello to Remus for us."
"You got it. Love ya!"
"We love you, too. Goodbye."
I waved at my younger brother and put Janner's cage on top of my cart. It was rather busy; muggles who were late to work rushed back and forth, trying to catch a train. Janner made a cooing sound and shuffled his feathers. I confidently pushed my cart up to the brick wall between platforms nine and ten. I thought I should wait; it was a bit early. I let Janner nibble on my fingers for a few minutes.
"Aggh!" I jumped as some lady screamed.
"Sorry, ma'am!" I heard a deep voice callout. I heard wheels squeaking faster, approaching me. I'd bet twenty galleons that the wheels belonged to carts that belonged to-
"James, I'm catching up!"
"Not a chance, Sirius!"
I smiled to myself, stepping out of the way as they zoomed past me.
"Oi, that's Christal!" I waved at them as they rounded back towards me. Janner started shuffling his feet nervously. Their carts screeched to a stop, James's owl, Tink, almost falling over.
"Hey, guys."
We hugged quickly and lined up to reach platform nine and three quarters. I walked briskly, my eyes wide open as I melted into the brick. Steam poured from the Hogwarts Express and a ton of first years were already getting on the train.
"Nerds." Sirius muttered. I hit him.
"They're cute! And so little…" I said.
"Not as cute as Moony, eh?" James nudged me. Remus and I weren't dating or anything, but everyone knew how complicated it was. I tried not to bring it up. I rolled my eyes at him. There was a sniffle and a cough behind me. I turned around. It was Peter, short, squatty, blond, and insecure. Just as I had remembered him.
"Hey, Pettigrew."
"Uh, hey, guys. Good to see you."
"You, too."
Our conversation came to a lull. Peter's parents had just gotten a divorce.
"Hey, I'm gonna go ahead and change," I said.
"Already?" James pouted. "Alright."
"Mind if I watch?" Sirius teased. I smacked him on the arm and went to drop my trunks off. As I made my way to the back of the train, I wondered if Remus had arrived yet. My robes fit me a bit too snugly; I pinned on my prefect badge, all shiny and crimson. I confidently walked back out into the train aisle, nearly running into Lily.
"Oh! Hello."
"Uh, hey Lily. How's your holiday?'
"Fine. My sister got married."
"Oh, congratulations," I stuttered. She nodded politely and went to sit down with one of her friends. Things had been tense ever since James and Severus…
"Oi!" I turned around.
"Remus!" His skin had darkened and he had a new scar on his neck. His jawline had gotten stronger over the few months. He really was very attractive, and was quickly becoming a man. We hugged lightly and found the prefect car. Lockhart was sitting by the window, a CHarms book open. He looked up at us, flashing a winning smile.
"Hey, you lot."
"Hello, Gilderoy..."
"Are you ready for our sixth year? It's going to be fantastic-I hear the first Quidditch game is between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor-hope you can't play, Christal. We'll win this year for sure."
"Ha. Thanks, Gilderoy." Remus already had the door open, ready for us to flee.
"I think I'm gonna go check on the other Gryffindor student. Christal, why don't you come with me?"
I nodded, waving at Lockhart before he started his big mouth again. We slid the door closed and hurried away. We walked down the aisle of seats.
"How'd your summer go, Remus?" I clasped my hands in front of me awkwardly, unsure of where to put them.
"It was alright, I suppose. We moved again-near Liverpool this time. It's nice there, small town, small population. Quaint. You would've liked the church. It was old. I mostly spent my time studying and reading this year's course material. I'm a bore."
"Oh, that's not true."
"You went to America this summer! Compared to you…"
"Oh, come on, Remus." I put my arm around his shoulder and leaned into his ear. "You're a werewolf. What's more exciting than that?"
The opening banquet seemed even more extravagant than usual; my plate was filled with the whole spread plus four crescent rolls, and I was already eyeing the dessert. Arthur Weasley kicked me from across and under the table, nodding his head in the direction of Lucius Malfoy, who was swiftly making his way towards us, glaring at James and Sirius.
"What'd you do now?" Remus groaned.
"Nuffin'." Sirius said through his mouthful of food. I turned my attention to James.
"I set his trunk on fire." James snickered.
"James Potter!" I exclaimed.
"It's not like the replacements dented his bank account." Remus shook his head as Lucius loomed over James's slouching figure.
"You little twat! You ruined my new robes." Malfoy sneered.
"Lucius, I am so sorry that you are such a wanker."
"James, watch your language," Peter muttered. James shot daggers at him.
"Oh, bugger…" I sighed.
"You take that back, Potter."
"No."
"Gentlemen!" McGonagall stood with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Lucius, go back to your table. Remus, Christal, please keep those two in check…"
"Yes, ma'am, " Remus and I replied in unison. As she walked away, I looked pointedly at James.
"Oh, save your lecture for another day, wouldja? I've got some stew to eat."
I rolled my eyes and rested them on Remus to my right. His new scar curved almost gracefully, parallel to his jaw. It was a faint pink. He looked up, feeling my gaze.
"What?" He asked, smiling slightly. My heart skipped a few beats. I reached out and traced the scar carefully. He exhaled quietly.
"That's a new one." I said softly.
"Yeah."
I wanted him, I really did, but he didn't want me. He thought he would hurt me. My hand fell into my lap, and he held my gaze.
"Ahem." I glanced at the source of sound. Lily.
"Um, there's a heads and prefects meeting by the staircase, if you're done eating."
"Oh. Yes! Thank you, Lily."
She walked away gracefully. I stood up and straightened my prefect badge, bringing myself out of stupor. Sirius nodded at me, swallowing.
"See you later, princess." I threw him a quick smile as Remus followed me out. The group was solemn. Even Lockhart was quiet. Louisa, a shy Hufflepuff, shuffled her feet. McGonagall swept into the room.
"Ladies and gentleman, you all know of the rising tensions in the wizarding world. I have faith that you lot will protect those in your houses. Death eaters are everywhere. Do not go outside without the accompaniment of an adult, yes?"
"Professor," I spoke up. "What happened to Bellatrix?"
"Bellatrix Lestrange," McGonagall started, "Is currently unaccounted for."
There was stark silence. Sirius had told us earlier she had run off with death eaters. A claim that had now been confirmed.
"Anyhow. Please remind students to be safe. The first Quidditch game is on Friday. Lights out at ten." She silently moved back into the Great Hall. We all stared at each other, trying to collectively calm nerves. Remus touched my shoulder and motioned with his head toward the Great Hall.
The Common Room was as cosy as ever. Alice and Frank were cuddled in a love seat, Rose was sitting and reading at a desk, Lily and Molly were charming the fire, and the Marauders, Frank, and I sat on the carpet. Arthur had already gone to bed. Lily made the fire turn grey and dark, and a lanky seventh year glared at her.
"I hear that Lockhart's really lost his touch."
"So has Celeste."
James and Sirius were starting to place their bets on who would win the first Quidditch game.
"I'd rather we win, mate, but Ravenclaw's not bad."
"As long as we beat Slytherin, does it really matter?" I chimed in.
Sirius turned on me rather loudly. "We've got to beat everyone, that's what matters!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Someone's been drinking too much," Rose muttered.
"No, no, this is Sirius when he's sober." Remus said.
"Speaking of drinking, James, you got any Firewhiskey? Let's get our party started."
James pulled out a couple of flasks and took a swig from one. He handed it to Remus, who blushed. I shoved him a little.
"Oh, come on, Lupin…"
He met my eyes and winked, drinking longer than James.
"Yeah! We're gonna have fun tonight, huh?"
An hour passed, and two flasks were already gone. Nearly everyone had gone to bed, which left me, Remus, James, and Lily. Sirius had disappeared with some girl and Lily was hunched over, studying. Remus flipped through a defense book, not really reading it.
"Lily," started James. "What's there to study for?"
"Classes start tomorrow, and I want us to get house points."
James rolled his eyes, then rolled onto his back. Remus and I had migrated to the warmth of the couch a while ago, and we were already feeling cold again.
"Damn Scottish weather is what it is." Remus muttered. I grabbed a throw and draped it over us.
"Lily," James muttered again.
"What do you want, Potter?" she closed her book and turned around.
James sighed. "I want you, Lily Evans."
There was silence until Lily gathered her things and retreated to her dorm. James closed his eyes and lay still. I could feel Remus take a deep and steady breath. My chin pinched, and I scooted closer to Remus.
"James," Remus started.
"I really can't right now, Remus." James pushed himself up, and ruffled his hair, retreating to his dorm. Remus's chest sank as he exhaled.
"They all seem so untouchable. But he's so hurt." I said quietly.
"I think that means he can't be without her. She hurts him so much, and she hurts too. That's what makes it real."
The firewhiskey coursed through me. I leaned against him. "I'm hurting, too, Remus." I whispered. He met me with silence, and I prayed it was pained.