Kylo Ren

I told Luke I would destroy her. I made it a promise.

But I can't.

I knew she had feelings for me. The way she stared up at me from that pod when she so stupidly decided to turn herself in to the First Order. I was angry she did it. I wanted to scream at her. My only choice was to take her to Snoke. Too many witnesses, and Snoke would've sensed her. And I knew what he would do to her would break me. And it did.

She had at least begun to understand me. But any ground I had covered with Rey during those moments we spent in each others' minds from across the galaxy was lost.

The way she gazed at me one last time before closing the ramp to the Falcon wasn't as before. Before, her stare burned into me. The monster. I am a monster. She truly hated me. Wanted to kill me. Maybe I deserved it, though I never thought I did. I had my reasons for doing what I did.

Seeing her on that ramp, her gaze was one of disappointment. Maybe even a touch of betrayal and anger, and she pitied me. Maybe she still cared, maybe she didn't. She thought she could bring me back from the Darkness, from the one thing I truly wanted. Power. She was wrong. I had worked so hard to get what I wanted. The power was mine. I was now Supreme Leader, one that was to be feared unlike the decrepit heap of flesh that laid rotting in the wrecked throne room as the Supremacy burned. When I saw that he was dead, all I could see was what I deserved to have and took my rightful place as ruler of the First Order, and soon it would be the entire galaxy as well with no one to stand in my way. I had everything I ever wanted.

Except her.

I should've been able to convince her. After all I had learned about her, her horrible past, all the people who had abandoned her in her life or pushed her aside like common garbage, I thought it would be easy to persuade her, to give her the power she deserves. But instead, I lost her. She meant so much to me, but all I did was drive her away, told her she was nothing. I hurt her.

I couldn't find my words as I knelt there, only stare. I hoped she could see that I wasn't that monster anymore. The Darkness in me...I couldn't control it. But, she didn't see it like that. Instead, she closed the ramp to the Falcon and did something else. She blocked me out of her mind. I could feel it as my father's lucky dice disappeared from my hand. I wanted to scream as my heart shattered and I could feel the Darkness pull me deeper. I knelt there for a moment and allowed myself to cave into the pain. It took every last bit of my willpower to get up so Hux or the stormtroopers didn't see me sit there and crumble.

She had done something to me when we had those visions of each other. What that was I wasn't entirely sure. But, she saw me. Even if it was just for that brief instance in the hut, when we had reassured each other that we weren't alone because we had each other and she reached her hand out to me, and I reached out to her and, for the first time, we were skin-to-skin and we were beginning to understand each other. And I had seen more than I had told her. It wasn't just her parents I saw, and I didn't tell her everything when I told her she would turn and stand with me. Her turning to the Dark Side to rule with me was what I wanted.

No, I had seen something else. I wasn't ready to believe it, or tell her the truth.

Rey

I almost thought I could forgive him for what he had done. Almost.

I don't know what we had together, Ben and I. I don't know why I had cared so much. Maybe I still cared. I think in that moment I saw him kneeling before me I felt as conflicted as he felt constantly.

When I saw him there, I didn't see that monster. Those eyes were sad, full of guilt. Ashamed. Pleading with me. Say something, anything, they said. Even if it wasn't something he liked. I wanted to yell at him, berate him and tell him what he truly was in a way that hurt him the most, just like he had told me I was nothing to everyone else except him. Was I really, Ben? Did I really mean something to you, or was it my power?

Stay out of my head. That's what I was screaming in my mind. I didn't know how this connection worked, but I wanted him to hear that. I had hoped at the very least, when Snoke died, the connection he said he created would die. But, there he was.

He appeared to me as if he were kneeling at the end of the ramp in the Crait salt, begging, pleading for me to let him back in. It startled me at first. I thought he was really there until I recognized that familiar pulse of heat through my body, spreading out to my arms and fingers, prickling my skin and raising the tiny hairs on my arms, and I knew immediately it was the connection. My heart thundered in my ears as the connection grew stronger. I felt as if I wasn't standing on top of the ramp of the Falcon, but I was right there with him, wherever he was, and if I wanted to, I could go to him, offer my hand and we could connect with each other, understand each other. But I didn't want to. I couldn't let him back in.

I opened my mouth to scream at him, but shut it immediately. What was there to say? He knew. He knew he hurt me. He hurt everyone who loved him. I thought he could change. But I was wrong. Yet, in a way, I couldn't let go. I stared at him one last time, and he silently stared back. Each moment I lingered, my anger rose inside of me as I thought about those final moments we had together in the throne room. I couldn't do this now. There was a heaviness behind my eyes and I knew I had to do something so I wouldn't have to explain my tears to Finn, Poe, and Leia. They couldn't know about the bond. Not yet.

I pushed the panel to close the ramp and I made sure to do so with an exaggerated force so he knew I was hurting, just like he was. I tore at the bond with my mind. I wanted to make sure he couldn't get back in. Maybe it worked, maybe it didn't. I had noticed the last couple times we spoke through our connection that we were starting to be able to control the bond. Maybe I could block him until I was ready to speak to him again, if that day ever came. I held his stare until the ramp blocked him from view, then with a flash, he was gone.

There was a strange sensation that lingered there for just a moment before the hum of the Falcon's engines came to life and the chatter of what was left of the Resistance as they got settled in.

Later, after I spoke with Leia for a moment, I retired to a private quarters for some rest. I needed to think ahead, to the future. One that was possibly without Ben.

I laid on the cot for a while, staring at the ceiling. My mind was still chaotic and I was desperate to clear it. There was something else as well. I winced as a strange sensation ran its claws down the block in my mind. It prickled, but it was gentle, as if something was trying to pierce the shield I had up. I pushed back, willing whatever strength I had to keep it out. I had been focusing on it so hard I didn't hear the door open.

"You okay?"

I expected it to be Finn, but Finn was out there tending to Rose. I had to smile when I saw them, and I briefly thought about Ben.

Instead, Poe stood over me, the bright lights of the corridor shone like a halo onto his dark hair.

All at once, the strange claws stopped, and I finally met Poe's gaze, "yeah. I'm fine." I gave him a small smile.

Poe smiled back. We stared at each other for a moment. I didn't know what to say. Poe and I had just met. I had seen him on the Resistance base on D'Qar, but today had been the first time we had spoken.

Poe moved to sit at the edge of the cot and I sat up to meet his gaze, those eyes, that smile. I felt like I knew this person, but I also felt like I had known Ben, too. Look how that turned out.

Poe stared at me for a moment, studied me. There was a slight nervousness about him. Those times I saw him around the Resistance base, he had the confidence of a leader who had a quip or two right there lingering on his tongue, ready to use at a moment's notice. Now, it was like he didn't know exactly what to say. "Umm, look. I know you've been through a lot. Finn and BB-8 told me everything. I know..." he paused for a moment, as if a painful memory passed behind those eyes, "I know what he can do to people. He made me hurt, too, and that's something I would never wish on anybody." I knew who Poe was talking about. Ben. But, Poe, most likely, only knew him as Kylo Ren. I knew Poe was close with Leia, but I wondered if he had ever known Ben before Ben wasn't Ben anymore.

I swallowed, "if I ever need anything, I'll be sure to ask. But, I'm fine."

He gave me a quick smile before standing up. The bed shifted and I silently wished he would stay, but at the same time, I needed to be alone. I gazed down at where he had sat.

Poe was about to leave before he turned back to me, "Rey," I looked up at him, craving, needing someone to fill the void in my heart. He hesitated for a moment, his lips trembling, trying to find the right words. "Don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong, or that you don't matter because of where you came from. Because there are a lot of people here that find you remarkable, magical powers or no. You're something to all of us. I wanted you to know that."

All I could do is stare at him, my heart fluttering. No words. He gave me one last smile before he turned to leave, shuttling the door behind him and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"You come from nothing. You're nothing."

I believed those words. Because for a long time, they were true. I was nobody. Ben made sure my past hurt me all over again. And it was true. I, for the longest time, was a discarded piece of garbage no one cared about. I was nothing to everyone.

"But not to me."

I brushed away a single tear, but it wasn't from sadness. It was happiness, not because of Ben, but because of Poe, and I smiled knowing I, for the first time in my life, had a family.

Those claws caressed my mind again. Ben? Or something else? I didn't want to think of what else lurked in the galaxy, wanting to kill me.

I shot one thought down the bond, or at least I assumed I did.

'You were wrong. I am loved and cared about. If you can't see that, if you have to bring me down to make yourself feel better, then I only have one thing to say to you.'

The claws paused at the top of my mind, almost trembling. I took a deep breath before I continued the thought. I hoped he heard it. And I hoped it hurt.

'Goodbye, Ben.'

The claws released.

Author's Note: Hello all! Hope everyone got to see The Last Jedi! I was on the fence as to whether I was going to write a post-TLJ fic since I haven't even finished my post-TFA Reylo fic. But, after viewing the film a second time, I just had to get this first chapter out. I am going to develop this further before I continue, maybe even see the film again, but I also will be focusing on finishing my post-TFA fic, Whispers from the Other Side, so it may be a while before I get that next chapter. Right now, I'm rating this as a T, but I'm not sure if I'll do what I did for Whispers and make it a Mature rating, we shall see. Thanks for reading and I look forward to fangirling with everyone for the next two years!