Hello, this is Shannon.

One of my favorite authors has been Lemony Snicket right from the 'Bad Beginning'. I was reading his book Horseradish last night when it occurred to me that it would be very fun to do a oneshotfor every bitter truth in said book, all 137 of them!

So here it is: Horseradish: TDI Edition!

IMPORTANT NOTE: The oneshots are basedon ideas I had while reading the little quotes, they might not always have anything to do with the quotes at all!

The difference between a house and a home

Is like the difference between a man and a women--

It might be embarrassing to explain,

But it would be very unusual to get them confused.

"Mommy," Said the raven-haired youth. "Why do you always Daddy's house is a house, and your house is a home?" She looked up with innocent onyx eyes into eyes of the same color, but frosted with sorrows rather than painted with rainbows.

"Well, Amber," Her mother began, setting the five year old on her lap while she rocked back and forth in her rocking chair by the window. "Daddy's house is empty; there's no love. No family. Here there's family, glad memories, and beds that were used for actual sleeping."

"Daddy's house has love!" She argued, the little freckles on her nose showing boldly in the dim light. "Daddy loves me, so there's love. And Daddy has Mandy, she's family."

"Mandy doesn't count." The mother snapped. She repeated once more in a softer tone, then continued. "Mandy is Daddy's lady friend, but that doesn't mean he loves her."

"He does, Mommy. I can tell. He gives her heart eyes!"

The mocha-haired mother chuckled. "And what, might I ask, are heart eyes?"

"The look that you and Step-Daddy give each other."

The mother stopped her soft chuckles, ceasing all movement. She thought about the sweet little glances she gave her husband, and tried to picture himgiving the same glances to his brainy red-head lover. It made her sick just thinking about him or his perfect little Mandy. The Mandy he'd left her for that day.

I was home arranging flowers in a small vase that was to be the centerpiece for the lovely table I'd set. Tonight was our anniversary, and I'd made a special dinner, complete with blood red wine.

He'd come bursting in the door with a gumpy grin on his face. I'd smiled as brightly as I could and pulled him into a loving embrace.

Imagine my surprise when he pushed me away.

"Sweetheart," He began. "I think we need to see other people."

"But we're married. Married people don't date other people!" I'm pretty sure the water-proof eyeliner I'd bought wasn't doing it's job, because I wiped away a fat tear from my freckled cheeks and black was smudged against my hand.

"They do when they want a divorce."

I felt my heart drop to the floor. I was so numb. It was like I'd become just a hazy mist and my still-solid heart was sickeningly dropping through the haze.

I lost it.

"Get out!" I grabbed the first thing i could get my hands on, I think it was a book, and I threw it at his head. He got the message and fled before whatever else I had in my hands hit him.

After that, I ate the entire lobster I'd spent the whole day cooking, drank the whole bottle of wine, and devoured the cheesecake.

Amber came along six months later, and I knew I had to find someone to support me.

The thing that killed me was that He had offered me a home, and money. He and his little Mandy.

I had declined and instead lived very simply in my old home, just barely keeping up on my bills.

Then Justin came along...

"Mommy?" Amber tugged at her mother's long mocha locks.

The mother opened her eyes and realized she's drifted off. She glanced at the clock. "9:00, time for bed."

"Aw, but-"

"No but's, you've got to go see... go see..." She sighed. "Go see Daddy tomorrow."

"Courtney," Said another voice, velvety as true love is pure. "Duncan called, he wants to talk to you."

"Can I talk to him, please, Mommy?" Amber begged, tugging now on her mother's flowered nightdress.

"Not this time, Sweetie." she turned to her husband. "Can you please put her to bed, Justin?"

He nodded and scooped the child in his arms. Courtney watched them retreat to Amber's room, flick on the lights, and check for monsters before she finally answered the phone.

"Hello, Duncan."

"Hey, Courtney, I've got big news!"

She sighed once more. "What?"

"I proposed to Mandy."

It took a moment for her mind to register.

"You proposed?!"

"Yea!" The excitement in his voice was so obvious, Courtney couldn't bear to crush it with one of her rude remarks against Mandy, so instead she said...

"Tell her to make that house a home, okay? Best wishes."