Hey Guys-

This is a fic that I felt like writing… it doesn't have anything to do with the storyline of 'Blank Reflection,' but it has a lot to do with my normal life right now. It's a songfic having to do with a lot of heartbreak- In setting up the scene, Mena has left Merian and he's sad and he feels empty… in other words, he wants her back- Have fun…

Credit is given to Boyz II Men for writing the song and giving me the inspiration. Merian, my muse… thanks a lot. The song being used is Boyz II Men- Four Seasons of Loneliness. On with the show.

**

"Why are you acting like this?" Merian screamed. He looked Mena in the eye, hoping for an answer. "Why?" He tried to hold her hand, but she didn't do anything but shove it away.

"Ask yourself the same question!" She responded. With a cold glare in her eyes, she pushed him away. Tears sliding down her cheeks, she looked away from him. "I don't want to see you again."

He looked at her, stupefied, appalled.

"You don't need me? Fine!" Acting on impulse, he looked at her one last time, picked up his jacket, and walked out the door.


Running down the stairs, he felt those stinging tears sliding down his cheeks.

// She doesn't need me… //

He opened the main door and stormed out upon the sidewalk. The cold fall wind slammed into him, sending him into shock as he ran down the street, dodging people as he went. He ran as far as he could, but he wasn't thinking- his feet took him where he was running. Soon after he realized what was happening, he was at his friend's doorstep. Looking at his watch, it was 1:00 AM.

// Damnit //

He rung the doorbell a few times, and five minutes later, a groggy form came to the door.

"Merian?" Her eyes squinted, she tried to see who the person at her door was.

"Jen?"

"Hi." He said, his eyes red and puffy. She was wearing pajama pants and a tee shirt. She was cold, by the looks of it.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her eyes now open with suspicion.

"Everything."

"You look like you're cold… come in." She stepped aside to make way for him as they sat down in the apartment and began to talk.

**

Sitting on a bench in the park with his eyes to the stars, he realized it. That was a year ago.

// A year ago… //

Everything since then had been empty, been so unfulfilling. So, Merian graduated from the Hyral Academy- One of the best military schools out there. He became trained to be a Votal pilot, as had Mena. Seeing her had been only brought back old memories and reopening old wounds. Walking around at night wasn't a routine thing for Merian- He lay facing the stars in the park. It was mid-November- When the temperatures had begun to drop, the leaves began to drop from the trees, and snow would rarely even fall.

I long for

The warmth of

Days gone by

When you were mine,

But now those days are memories in time…

He sat there, a figure alone in the dark. Looking up into the stars, he couldn't stop thinking.

// I miss her… //

He shook his head. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. The bench was cold. Everything else was cold, ever since she left him.

// Why? Am I in some state of denial? Even now, I still care… //

Life's empty

Without you,

By my side

My heart belongs to you, no matter what I try…

**

He took off his jacket, and she looked at him. He had disheveled hair, and his eyes were all red. She sat him down on the couch as she gave him a blanket to wrap around himself and she poured a cup of coffee for him.
"Tell me, what's wrong?"

"We're over- I don't know what to do…" He closed his eyes and he tried to rub his head. Jen came behind him and began rubbing his back.
"Please calm down. It's the least I can say but it's gonna do you some good," She said, as she tried her best to relax him.

Jen was his best friend- they'd been friends since they met at a Tae Kwon Do tournament. She had so many feelings for him- She did care, but now she realized that she thought more about caring for him- she loved him. But now that the one she loved was hurt, should she take advantage of him?

She wrapped her arms around him, and she felt his hands.

"You're cold," She said, and she kept at rubbing his back.
"I didn't know- I'd been running through the city since… since I ran out her door." She sat across from him, and she looked him in the eye.

"You're gonna be okay… Please don't worry." She opened her arms for a hug and he leaned forward and embraced her.

She did have feelings for him, she did love him. This was her chance to let him know she did really care, and that he didn't need that girl, that Mena…

"I'm sorry, I really am," she whispered, and he leaned back onto the couch.

The apartment smelled of something beautiful, something like lavender. He sat up and he looked at her. She still had that childish, innocent look. He loved her- he told her so many other things that he couldn't have told Mena- those things that would change your view of the person who told you- but she didn't change her view. He wondered in his mind-

// She does care… //

"Do you mind if I stay here for a bit?" He asked.
"No, not really- It's not a problem-" Merian opened his eyes, and their eyes were both level. Her eyes were looking for something in his, but there was nothing but a blank reflection and emptiness. She leaned forward, and their lips touched. As quickly as they met, they both came away.
"I'm.. I'm sor-"

"No. Don't be." He interrupted her. Merian looked at the floor and he wondered to himself-

// Is this something? Something she wants from me? Or was this meant to be…? //

**

Every time I get the courage up to love somebody new

It always falls apart 'cause they just can't compare to you

Your love won't release me

I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love

As I watch four seasons change

It had been a year, yes- He'd been living with Jen for the past year. So it'd probably been a coincidence that he began thinking about Mena again. But thinking about the past year has been weird, and it felt useless- Sure, he had slept with Jen a few times- that kiss was the first of many. He did love her, but it wasn't in the way he had loved Mena. That love he felt for Jen was love, yes. But it had been a weird feeling, a useless feeling.

**

They both sat there, looking into each other's eyes. Slowly, yet again, she leaned in and their lips met. The kiss resumed as they both slowly eased into it. Eventually, her tongue came into his mouth, and they both seemed to enjoy it. But again, they broke the kiss off.

// Why am I doing this? //

He wondered to himself, and he looked back into her eyes. She seemed to come up with a message in her mind and she got up.

"You can sleep in my room." She said, and she took his hand and led him up the stairs. "Just call me if you need anything, alright?"

"Yeah, thanks. I owe you one." She shut the door and all he heard was the sound of her steps going back down the stairs. He slowly pulled off his pants and slid into her bed. The sweet smell of flowers came to his nose, as well as the smell of lavender. He curled up, cold. Eventually, the feeling disappeared and he drifted into sleep.

A noise awoke him, and his eyes slowly opened. Suddenly, the bed rocked and a cold form slid next to him.
"I was cold downstairs." He smirked.

"Oh. Do you want me to go down?"
"No."

"Oh." She moved closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around her, she doing the same. All of a sudden, he felt her lips brush across his cheeks as he looked at her in the dark. He returned the kiss, and they started to fool around.

**

// Does it mean anything to me? I don't know- I haven't been with anyone besides Jen after I broke up with Mena. I don't know… //

In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When springtime makes it's way here lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds it's leaves the trees are bare when you're not here

It doesn't feel the same…

He didn't know why he slept with Jen, why he fell in love with her right after the pain Mena caused him. Why he did it, the thoughts escaped him- He loved her, but it seemed to come up at the same time- he did want to rid his mind of her, and it seemed to happen so conveniently. But why did those feelings come again? Why did her memory, those memories re-appear?

// Why all of this? Why did I walk away, only to turn back and watch? I still have feelings for her, I know I do… or am I in denial? Am I just incapable of accepting that we're over? What do I have left to realize? I guess I'm a little bit happier that I have Jen by my side… but why am I being haunted? //

A shooting star flashed by, and he slowly followed it's path. He smiled, but it quickly turned to a frown as he also remembered those nights where he stayed out with Mena and watched the stars for hours, how she would fall asleep in his arms…

Remember the nights when

We closed our eyes

And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time…

… Reminiscing our love, as I watch four seasons change…

He tried to hold them back as the tears slowly came from his eyes. Wiping his face, he looked at the ground.

Merian still held her in his heart, he still cared. Was it for just in case? Or was it because he wanted someone he could wrap his arms around, someone he could say 'I love you' to? He loved Jen so much more than he used to- she was always willing to listen, and even now, she was even willing to have him, to love him. He was happy, yet, still empty…

**Owari, for now**

Thanks For Reading- Please R/R…