Author Notes: So here I am, writing another one-shot thing – or rather a two part thing – rather than working on my main stuff. Well, it's just one of those things where you get inspiration, and just have to write it down! In fact, this was inspired by the Evangelion fanfic I'm currently writing, and the response I got to Chapter 6 – the most recently posted.
So, please enjoy.
P.S. To clarify: "Mutter" is the German word for "Mother". So effectively, the title of this story is "Mother Mother".
She sat alone, in a single steel fold-out chair; her head hung low and eyes looking blankly at the ground patterned purple with blood red blobs around it; a strange sort of ground marker. Everywhere else was black, the only light shining from above, directly down on her. Her short, brown hair with an undertone of red protected her face and her light blue eyes, her plain white hospital gown her only clothing, going down to her knees. In the bend of her left arm, she held a small doll with red hair, buttons for eyes, and a smile that was scary in a way.
"This is the me that exists inside the EVA."
The sound of a second roof light coming on just behind her and above her was accompanied by the voice of a red-headed fourteen year old girl, wearing a bright yellow sundress with plain black shoes; her bangs shadowing her eyes. "And this is the me that exists inside of your mind."
The Case Of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu
She is your daughter? "Yes." Do you love her? "Yes" Really? "Yes."
"Liar!" The scream of her daughter echoed around her. "You never loved me!"
Then why did you not help her? Why did you hurt her? Why did you kill her?
"I didn't kill her!" But you did try. "That was just a shell."
"That was before. This is now." The quiet, monotone voice of the one she knew as Rei Ayanami spoke from behind her as she stood to her feet, the chair disappearing. "You are her mother. And yet you hurt her, and continue to do so. That is not what mothers do."
"I'm trying to help her." The voice of Kyoko was small, her head still hung low, her eyes moving to the doll she cradled like a baby.
"You like that doll more than me!" Images of her in the hospital, whispering to the doll, and ignoring 'that girl over there'. "Why didn't you help me!?"
"I have been helping you." Her voice was on the edge of tears.
"Is that true?" She recognised this voice. Shinji Ikari, coming from her left side. Still she did not bring her gaze upwards. His voice was calm, monotone... "Have you helped her?" ...and yet scathing at the same time. "I watched as she was hurt." The arms of Unit-Two, sliced off at the shoulders by the fourteenth angel. "I watched as she was raped." A defiling by the fifteenth angel. "I watched as she was killed." Eaten alive by nine vultures. "You did nothing to help her."
She screamed. "I tried!" The doll was clutched to her chest. "I'm trying!"
Did you really try? Have you ever really tried?
"Of course I have! She's my daughter! I love her!"
The enraged form of her daughter, Asuka Langley Soryu, materialised in front of her, looking at her hung low head. "Rubbish! All you ever cared about was that doll!" She pointed at the little human replica held in Kyoko's arms. "Where were you when I needed you most?"
Images of the ten years of her life where she existed without a mother.
Flashes of the many times she was hurt in battles against the angels.
Pictures of her in a hospital, comatose.
"I was trying to make you happy." But does she look happy? "When my mind was lost, I knew that this was the only way to make you happy." Does she look happy? "I want you to be happy, my little Asuka." Does she look happy?
Her head finally lifts to look at her daughter, her young face enraged, standing rigid and firm.
Does she look happy?
Asuka roared. "Do I look happy?" She continued. "I might not have shown it, but I was happy living with Misato and that idiot Shinji. They cared about me! Hikari cared about me too!ME!!! Not some doll they could use as a tool!"
"Look mama; look at me! I'm an elite pilot now! I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but I'll only tell you, mama. Look at me now mama!"
A four year old girl, tears pouring from her eyes like they were faucets, screaming... "MAMA!!!"
A fourteen year old girl, lying on a bed next to Shinji, whispering in her dreams, crying... "Ma... ma."
Does making her happy make you happy?
Kyoko whispered. "Yes."
The three children disappeared into the black.
You were never there for her. It was always about the EVAs. Always about what would make you happy.
You are selfish.
You are cruel.
You are not a mother.
"I am a mother!"
"I'm her mother now." She knew the voice of the purple haired Misato Katsuragi. Her face was grimaced, eyes glaring spear-tips at Kyoko, only intensified by the bright jacket and plain black dress she wore. "For ten years of her life, Kaji and I have been the only parents of any kind that she has known."
Where were you? "I..." Where were you? "I was..." Where? "I was making things better for her. What else was I supposed to do?"
You could have helped her.
"I was!" Kyoko cried into the black, her voice draining to a meek one as she continued. "I could do nothing else."
"Keep telling yourself that." The voice of Kaji. The man now stood before her, his hands in his pockets, wearing his black pants and light blue short sleeve shirt. His wise eyes looked at her, his confident smile ever present. "But in the end, you have simply made her unhappy." He faded away.
Does making her happy make you happy?
The mother whispered the same answer. "Yes."
Selfish.
"All you ever wanted was a doll!" Asuka, sat in the plug suit of Evangelion Unit-Two, the bright red plug suit covering her body. Her head hung low so that as Kyoko looked at her, only the top of her head was visible; her hands holding her opposite shoulders. "Just a doll to make you happy!"
Kyoko threw the doll she held to the floor and yelled at her daughter, begging her to listen. "No! I love you Asuka, I want to make you happy and-"
"You never wanted me for me!" "Don't come into my mind!" "It's defiling my mind..." "I hate you!!"
Is this what you fear?
Silence...
Is this what you fear?
"Yes." Kyoko whispered, her eyes betraying her fear. She saw Asuka running away from her, almost desperately.
You could have prevented this.
All of it.
From the beginning.
"How?!" Kyoko screamed into the inky black around her. "Tell me how I could've helped her."
Gendo Ikari, staring at her darkly behind those yellow tinted sunglasses and his hard features showing his distaste only slightly. His dull black pants, black commanders jacket and red jumper underneath that jacket also marking him out, both white gloved hands resting in his trouser pockets. "You are able to activate the EVA by yourself without the need of batteries, correct?"
"Y... Yes."
He pushed his glasses up with his raised right hand, leaving his left in place. "Then why did you not do so the moment you learned of the plans of both I and SEELE?" He lowered his right hand back to his side, his glare hardening. "Why did you not do so the moment you were lost to the EVA?"
Commander Fuyutsuki came to stand by his commanders left side, his aged and wise face far more passive and compassionate; if still holding some disgust. "You could have saved your daughter all of this pain. Even without you there, she could have had a relatively happy life, and learned to accept people... but it was EVA that hurt her." Asuka in the entry plug, sat in the foetal position as all was silent around her.
Rei Ayanami appeared to her left, staring impassively with those blood red eyes, and her voice it's usual monotone. "EVA that damaged her." Asuka in the entry plug, screaming in sheer agony as her left eye was pierced.
Misato appeared to her right, her voice carrying malice. "EVA that ruined her." Asuka, reaching to the sky, right army outstretched, reaching for the sky and begging for someone to help her.
Shinji Ikari suddenly appeared behind her, his soft spoken voice carrying all the hatred for her it possibly could. "EVA that killed her." Asuka, her right arm split in half, then pierced eight other times across her torso. A corpse.
And you are EVA.
And so, you killed her.
Her shell, strangling a fourteen year old girl in a distinctive red plug suit. "Die with me Asuka."
She screamed. "I don't want to die!!!"
Is this what mother's do? Kill their own children?
"I didn't kill her." The mother retorted feebly.
But you did nothing. Is that not just as bad?
"Yes."
And so, you killed her.
... No answer.
And so, you killed her
"I..."
And so, you killed her.
"Yes." She fell to her knees, eyes suddenly gushing with salty water that fell onto the strangely purple and red beneath her. "God, yes."
Why did you not help her?
Why did you not help her?
Why did you not help her?"
"I thought I was." She smashed her right fist into the unusual coloured circle she was knelt on. "I thought I was. Why isn't she happy?" She jumped back to her feet and screamed at what should've been the sky. "Damn it, Asuka! Why aren't you happy?!?!"
"Do you think I want it this way?" Kyoko spun around to see the form of Asuka at the age of four, her face unusually hard for a girl her age. "Did you really think I wanted it this way? This is just as bad as dying."
Without pain, life is meaningless.
But you caused her an excess.
"You hurt her Kyoko." A haunting voice and footsteps behind her, and Kyoko spun around to see... herself with a vacant smile, a malicious smile. Nothing but a shell. "You killed her Kyoko." It told her in a haunting voice that seemed to echo everywhere and nowhere. "You're a bad mother."
"No!" The shell shattered, the shards falling back into the ground. She spun around for a third time and dropped to her knees in front of the girl known as Asuka, now back to her fourteen year old form, wearing her bright red plug suit. Kyoko proceeded to grab Asuka around the waist, wrapping her arms around and pulling the red-headed girl towards her. "I'll do anything to make it better Asuka. Anything!" Her voice became a heaving sob, her tears sliding down the right leg of the plug suit. "Just... tell me what to do."
"M... Mama?"
"How touching." She knew this voice. Kyoko stood up and spun around once more, to see the form of the other. Her short brown hair and dark blue eyes marking her out as such. She wore a white lab coat and a pink shirt underneath, and a short blue skirt, and her face carried a small, almost knowing smile. "What makes you think you can put it right now? It's too late to do anything."
"You're one to talk, Yui!" Kyoko roared back, marching up to the other mother, the other EVA. The roar continued straight into Yui's face. "Do you think that Shinji is any better?!
Yui's face was frozen in horror.
Author Notes: A little short, I know, but I think that making it overly long will sort of ruin the effect. I'd just be repeating the chapter twice really.
So yeah, a rather different view from what I've normally seen in most EVA fanfics. Not all, but most.
As you can probably guess, this asks the question of why the mothers – specifically Kyoko in this chapter – didn't do things differently, why they let their children suffer at the many times they could've helped them, and why they didn't even try to end it all from the moment they knew of the plans of SEELE and Gendo – if they did, and I think that they must have discovered it or worked it out at some point, being aware of their surroundings and such. At least that's what I believe.
So, with this chapter being based around Kyoko, I'm sure you can guess whom the next shall be focused on.