The funeral is on a Monday. I feel a little better. I make James and the kids get changed, although not in black. Wearing black is like admitting defeat. The cemetery is full of friends and family. All of them dressed in black, and tipping their hats to pay their respects. Everyone seems to want to cheer me up. 'Your daughter', they say as they smile at me. And I know they mean it kindly. But every time they say it, it pinches my soul, just like my new shoes are pinching my feet, making my feet cramp.
I want them to go away. She is my daughter, not theirs. They weren't there with her like James and me. They didn't know her, not ever, no matter what stories they tell. I'm crying, and I can tell James wants to cover my ears and take me away and yell at everybody that Isabella isn't dead. Even when they lower her coffin into the ground and I'm being held back from reaching out and stopping them, I don't believe it. Izzy couldn't fit in that box. Isabella Jamie Diamond is the whole world. Jo and Kendall drive us and the kids' home. I look in the rearview mirror. My eyes are pink but dry. Kiera sits fidgeting in the seat next to me. She offers me a lemon drop. I look at her. I feel like congratulating her on getting through this nicely, before realizing that she hadn't known. Instead, I sigh and take the lemon drop, saying thank you as politely as I can without choking on my words. Jo wants us to come back to their house after the funeral where everyone could say they're sorry and feed us comfort food. But I say no. I don't think we can get comfort from food at this time in our lives. Instead I just ask the Knights to take us home.
The first thing I do is kick off the tight white pumps. I flick them angrily across the kitchen and tear off the pink dress after them. Isabella is not dead and I'm not in mourning, James turns to look at me - standing in the middle of the kitchen, just wearing my underwear - and suddenly his face cracks open and I see him smile. I smile, too. We're going to be OK, James and me.
Two days later, I walk in on James opening the mail. Reading the cards, that make him sad all over again. Paper with 'I'm Sorry' and 'Our Deepest Sympathy' written on them fill the room as he explodes with sadness. I wrap my arms around him as he does the same to me. His body shakes as silent tears drop down his face. I kiss him gently as I pick up my daughter who has joined in the hug. The little brunette rests her head against her father's chest as he cries into the top of her head. I pick up the baby boy as the family joins in a group hug together. We're going to be fine, I say to myself. James looks up and gives me a sad smile.