When You're Gone, a primeval fanfic

Thank you to xXxKaraBeckerCutterxXx for the name name suggestion.
Hope you all enjoy this. Reviews will be very much appreciated.
wild-in-spirit

I always needed time on my own;
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry.
And the days feel like years when I'm alone,
and the bed where you lie is made up on your side.

I wake up to find that he isn't home…again. I haven't seen him in over a week now and the last time I did see him was only for an hour when he turned up, showered, kissed me goodbye and left again. I couldn't do it anymore; I had just reached my wits end. We had had it all planned out; he would get a security job somewhere near by while I worked steady hours around at London Zoo but that went down hill after he got the interview with a government group. All I knew was it was a "don't ask don't tell" situation.

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?

I sat straight up on our sofa with my suitcase lying next to me, my eyes kept being pulled to the phone in front of me but I just couldn't bring myself to pick it up and dial his number. When did I become this woman? The woman who wouldn't speak her mind and bring up things that were bothering her? As I finally brought myself to pick the phone up and start dialling the front door was opened. There he stood, the love yet bain of my existence. He looked up with a smile but when he saw me in the position I was the smile disappeared.

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it OK.
I miss you.

"Andi, what's going on?" I think what annoyed me the most was he seemed genuinely shocked at how this was ending. Wow, I had actually admitted that this was ending…was this really how I wanted it to end?

"I can't keep doing this Ryan; I can't keep pretending that not knowing where you are and what you are doing is alright with me." My voice had started to crack; I needed to keep myself together if I was going to do this. "When was the last time we actually had a conversation?" I asked, finally finding my confidence. If this was going to end I was going to let him know why.

"Come on Andi, don't do this, we can talk…" He started.

"Answer the damn question Ryan." I yelled.

"I don't remember." He whispered, turning away from me.

"Exactly." I concluded. "I love you Ryan but I have to draw a line somewhere." I could hear my voice trembling, this was becoming too hard. I had to get out of here before my I fall apart. I picked up my bag, walking past him until I reached the door.

"I'll send someone to get the rest of my stuff." I told him. "Goodbye Ryan."

I've never felt this way before,
Everything that I do reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor,
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do.

I lay on the hotel bed with my tear stained face. I had phoned my brother but he wouldn't be home for another three days so it was hotel time. When I had reached the hotel I booked a nice cheap room and started unpacking, and that is when I found what caused me to break down. I had found an old shirt of Ryan's and just having his smell hit me made me doubt what I had done. Either I was too proud or to stupid but which ever one it was I wasn't going to go back there now.

When you walk away,

I count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?

Two weeks had gone by and I was miserable. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I had hoped that Ryan had loved me enough to run after me but that wasn't true. Walking home alone every night to come back to an empty apartment, due to my brother being away again, it felt like I was back with him. I couldn't even bring myself to say his name. One of his colleagues had phoned me one day, a woman called Sarah, saying she was going over employee work forms and needed to check details. One detail being their emergency contacts.

"Why don't you just ask him?" I asked her, doubt lacing my every word.
This woman wasn't checking data, she was fishing for details on my guy; no, ex-guy.
"He's out on assignment." She answered.
"Well ask him when he gets back then, don't fish for details from me." I snapped and slammed the phone down.

I don't know what made me do it but I got the number that had just phoned me and traced it. The Arc. I managed to pull some strings and find the address; it was time that I find out what screwed up the best relationship I had had in many years.

As I pulled my car up in front of the complex, I saw two other cars pull up I front of me. As I stepped out so did he. I wanted to call his name but found that no noise came out, so I did the next best thing, I walked up to him and kicked his shin. Yes, childish but I had just been slowly getting over everything and one of his "work colleagues" had phoned and brought up all the memories. Before he could even respond I had turned and walked off towards my car again.

"What the…Andi?" He called after getting over the shock. "Andi what…Andi!" He called, running after me. As he reached me he grabbed my arm to turn me around. I was all ready to start yelling at him but when I saw the exhaustion in his eyes I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"What the hell was that for and how the hell did you find this place?" He asked me.

"I did that because I am fed up with everything reminding me of you and I was pissed off cause I just received a phone call from some woman called Sarah who was fishing for details on your life…which I am no longer a part of." I hissed at him. "And this place isn't that well hidden; it took one traced phone call and two favours to find this place." I concluded.

Before he even answered I was in my car and half way home. It wasn't until I reached Tower Bridge that I realised that the same black SUV that he had been in was following me. As soon as I saw a car park I pulled in, I needed to finish this. I got out and slammed my door, he did exactly the same. When I saw the way he was looking at me I really started regretting how childish I had added.

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

"You are a spoilt little brat you know that?" I heard him growl at me when he got closer.

"And you're nothing but a little soldier boy messing with peoples heads." I snapped back.

"You walked out on me Andrea, remember that."

"No Ryan, you walked out on me a long time ago, I was just too stupid to see it." I whispered.

"You don't know what you're saying Andi." He told me, a look of what seemed to be pure agony in his eyes.

"What am I missing here Ryan? You were gone for so long that when I finally saw you I didn't know you. And the very few days off that you got you always made an excuse not to see me." I cried out, I guess this is what I had been holing in all this time.

"The reason I worked so much was because I needed the money from over time." He murmured back.

"Why?" I asked him, we didn't need the money.

"Because I love you." He yelled. When he saw my look of confusion he carried on explaining. "I love you and I wanted to marry you." At this he pulled out a small ring from his combat pocket.

I looked at the ring then back up to him. I didn't know what to say. How was I meant to respond? "Oh that's lovely, now let's go our own personal ways and get on with our lives"?

"And if you'll have me back we still could." He whispered down to me. This is when I saw how close he was to me, I could have easily leant up and kissed him, but I refrained from doing so, especially when what he had said hit me.

"I'm sorry; can you repeat that last thing?" I stuttered.

"Andrea McDonald, I messed up big time last time and I'm not going to say I won't do it again because I more than likely will but will you do me the honour and great privilege of becoming my wife."

I never thought this would be happening to me; I never thought it would be me. Today I stand on Tower Bridge with the man I love kneeling in front of me. This morning I was just Andrea McDonald and now, soon enough I would be…

"Yes, Captain Ryan Becker, I will marry you."

…I would be Mrs Andrea Becker.