A/N: I blame Broadway Karkat for this. He made me do this. With his stupid feelings.
Asinine. The reasons are asinine. You'll never except that you have fallen "horns over heels", as the saying goes.
You tell yourself that you're not in love - that you hate him just as much as you did when you first met. Not that it works, but you do give it an honest effort, struggling while you lay in your recuperacoon at night to make yourself hate his blue eyes and the way he always has to push his glasses back up because they're too big for his face.
But when he smiles at you or even just glances in your direction, your heart starts pounding loud enough that you worry he can hear it. It drives you absolutely batshit insane - how much control he unknowingly has over your emotions.
It's so unfair. You just want to scream and cry and flip a table or two. Buck teeth and messy hair aren't normally things that tug at your heart, so why do they look so good on him?
You can't believe you're in love. It wasn't even a grand realization like you had always imagined. There was no bells or chorusing of angels. But seeing him appear with that other Lalonde back on the robo-lilypad had done something funny to your stomach. You had the faintest thought of finally understanding how Juliet feels, but you shoved that thought away. You didn't understand it then. Or, at least, that's what you told yourself. But you've been giving out relationship advice long enough to recognize the symptoms. Clammy hands, dry mouth, and heart-skipping at the smallest things. You match them all, as horrible as it is.
The worst part, you think, is that John still has no clue how you feel about him. Right now, the two of you are "good friends" which is a start, but not what you really want.
"You should tell him." Someone says to you. You jump, so lost in thought that you hadn't heard them approaching, and curse yourself.
"I don't know what you're talking about." You mutter, crossing your arms. It's a lie, obviously, but you wished it was the truth.
Dave sighs, taking the seat across from you. "Karkat, I know my vocabulary isn't as extensive as Rose's, but I'm not stupid." He takes a sip from whatever is in his cup - probably apple juice - then continues. "You and John are my best friends. I can tell when you're hiding something or when your hugs linger longer than they should."
"Fuck you." You snap, throwing one of the thrown pillows on the couch at him. He blocks it, but you don't care. "Fuck you Strider, and your stupid fucking intuition skills." It's so unfair! If he can tell, then why can't John?
He stands up, and puts a sympathetic hand on your shoulder. "Trust me Karkat, I've been down this road before. Just tell him. Even if he can't recuperate, you'll feel so much better when you get it off your chest."
You turn to face Dave, raising an eyebrow. "What? Who are you flushed for?" This is news to you. You know his alternate self had a thing with Terezi and Davesprite and Jade dated for awhile, but your Dave had never mentioned having a crush.
Dave shakes his head, a small smirk playing on his lips. "That's not what matters right now, Karkat. Just trust me. Tell him, or it'll just eat away at you until it's all you can think about."
He has an odd look on his face - like the answer to your question is on the tip of his tongue and he would love nothing more than to tell you - but then the look passes, and he's back to his indifferent stare.
You sigh and climb to your feet, nodding. "Yeah, alright. I'll be back later." You tell him and head over to the door. You hesitate at the threshold though, and turn back to face Dave. You know what you want to say, even though it's hard. Displaying genuine emotions is hard. You don't like how vulnerable it makes you feel. You don't like how honest your feelings are. "And Dave?" you call, and he looks up at you curiously. "Thanks." You say, and smile before leaving.
If you had stayed a little longer, you might have seen the blush coloring his cheeks.
You find John quickly. He's chatting with Jade - about what, you're not sure - and you approach him with confidence that you don't really feel. "John, can I talk to you for a second? In private." You clarify when you notice Jade still standing there.
John looks confused, but he still nods and let's you take him around one of the buildings for a more private conversation. It's not in his nature to refuse such a simple request. Yet another reason you hate to love him.
You take a deep breath, biting your lip nervously. You've puzzled over how to do this for so long, but you think that the easiest way to do this is to just blurt it out.
"John, I…" You trail off, scared for his response, then steel your resolve. You've waited long enough to do this. And patience has never been a strong suit of yours. "I'm in love with you!" You blurt out, and hold your breath.
He just stares at you for a second, then several emotions cross his face. Confusion, disgust, acceptance, sadness, and finally, guilt. "Karkat, I'm sorry, but I'm not-"
You cut him off. "Not a homosexual. Yeah, I know. I wasn't expecting you to feel the same way. I just wanted you to know." You tell him. It's the truth - you know that he doesn't like boys for whatever reason - but it still hurts. It hurts to the point of numbness. You don't feel anything except the tears stinging the back of your eyes and how hard it is to breathe - and not in the good, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of way.
He flinches at your words, no doubt feeling guilty beyond measure, and reaches out to touch you. "Karkat, I- I just, love someone else, and-"
You shake your head and step back, out of his reach. "Don't, John. Just- don't." You turn and walk away. He doesn't follow. What would he do, anyway? You don't want him to lie about his feelings to make you happy.
Right now, all you want to do is be alone and have a good, long cry. Dave was right about one thing, though. You feel lighter now that he knows, but his inevitable rejection makes your chest tight all over again and your hands shake.
Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you really wish you could hate John Egbert.
A/N: Wow, I really suck at writing fluff. It's weird because the song this is based off of is the cutest thing I've ever heard, but I just can't go against canon and make John not straight! Sorry, guys.