Having Hanschen Rilow as your elder brother is not the best thing in the world. He's prim, proper, everything that a girl should be wrapped up in a teenaged boy. He's a father's pride and joy, a mother's boy. He's the esscence of perfection in the eyes of every adult. He is the favorite of the adults, and he knows it. When you are his sibling, everyone expects you to be the perfect model of him. Except you aren't.

You share his perfect blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Both of you are slim and have delicate, porceline skin. His hair is perfectly parted and yours has four pins holding it back out of your soft face. You are so much alike in physical features. But deep inside, beneath your beauty, you are nothing like Hanschen. Your spirit longs to be free and fly out fthis black-and-white town. Hanschen is more interested in making the status quo work for him, while you try your best to defy it. He's perfection, and you are imperfection. He's the perfectly formed vase with no bumps or scratches. You're the vase the artist let carelessly fall from his grasp. and shatter.

When you're Elise Rilow, this conservative life you live is like a sinking ship dragging you down to the depths of the sea.

I awaken early in the morning of November 30, 1891 when the moon is still out. I silently slip out of my bed and cross to the window. The fall wind blows back my curtain, giving me perfect view of the sky. The clock ticking soothes me as I stare to the stars. There's a little ledge on my window which I can just sit on. The wind blows through my white nightgown. It feels lovely, sending shivers through my body. My long blonde hair flys around me as the wind gently pushes it back. I giggle and brush it back out of my face. The darkness below looks so inviting. A free, open space I could run around in, the wind whipping through my long blonde hair. I looked back to make sure I was clear. I went to slip down to freedom. Sweet, brief freedom..

"Elise? What are you doing?"

My brother stands in my doorway, leaning against the doorframe. "Hanschen," I whisper in surprise. "What are you doing awake at this time of morning?" "I could ask you the same thing, brother." Hanschen walked over and pulled my hand. His strength forced me up, much to my displeasure. "It is three-thirty in the morning, Lise," he informed me. "You should be sleeping. Mama would be in a panic if she saw you with dark circles underneath your eyes."

"Herr Sonnenstitch will be furious if you are asleep in his class," I retorted. He raised an eyebrow. "Touche, sister, but I can get away with it. Now get to bed." I crossed my arms over my chest. Hanschen forced me down on my bed. He threw the cover over my thin nightgown and kissed my forehead. "Hansi, you did not answer my question. Why were you awake?"

"If you must be such a pest, I was in the bathroom." "Your second time this eve," I muttered under my breath. Hanschen seemed to hear me and withdrew his hand from the bed cover. "Shut it." He went to blow out the candle at my bedside. "I am still not tired. I cannot sleep." "You must try, Lise."

I sat up. "But I cannot! I am plagued by the thoughts inside my mind." "Oh? What thoughts, if you do not mind me asking." I blushed a deep red. "Oh, do not mind. I should not have brought it up. I will talk to Mama about it in the morning." "Lise, we are equal in age. We are siblings. It is perfecty normal to talk." I shook my head at him. "It is nothing. I am feeling thirsty, brother. Can you get me a water?"

Hanschen sighed and went to exit my room. I could hear him mumble something under his breath. "Pain in my ass."

"What?"

"Nicths, liebe schwester."

I laid on my side, clutching my stomach. It gurgled and churned. Discomfort spread through my lower stomach. Cramping ensued and I felt something wet trickle through my legs. I gasped, jolting upwards just as Hanschen returned. "Was ist los?" I shook my head and laid back down.

"Nicths," I replied. "Just my head." "Sleep would do you good," he snorted, handing me the water. I gulped down the liquid, gasping as I finished. Hanschen looked at me in slight disgust. "You sound uncivilized." "There's no one here except you and I. It doesn't matter." Handing the glass back to Hanschen, I turned on my side. "Good night, bruder. And please, do not mention this to Mama in the morning!" Hanschen raised an eyebrow.

"Mention what, sister?"

The candle was blown out and my elder brother left me to my dreams. It took an exhausting hour for me to fall back asleep. That hour was full of excruciating cramping and liquid flowing from in between my legs. It was dreadfully uncomfortable. There were so many times when I wanted to scream from the pains in my lower stomach, but kept it inside. Soon, I feel into a somewhat fitfull sleep.

I awoke to Mama's yells. I botled upwards and looked at her. "Mama, what is it? Why are you screaming?"

"Elise! You have bled and stained the sheets!"

I threw my covers off and screamed in shock. Blood stained my white nightgown and my pure white sheets. I felt dizzy and laid back. Mama pulled me up, flinging me to my window. I caught my balance on the window seat. "Mama, am I going to die? Oh Mama, please tell me I am going to be alright!" Mama threw my bloody sheets to the maid trembling in the doorway next to Hanschen. I gathered my nightgown in my hand, covering the bloodstains in back. "You are not going to die! Gretchen, please fetch the napkins." Gretchen curtsied and rushed past Hanschen, who nodded curtly and followed her.

Mama went over to me. She sighed, brushing my hair back. "It's alright, darling. The blood will come right out." She embraced me, not noticing me wince in discomfort as my chest pressed against her tightly. "Ow, Mama. My chest." Mama looked at me up and down, her eyes stopping at my upper half. She clasped her hands together. "Oh Elise, you are growing!"

I didn't understand. I hadn't grown an inch in two months. Hanschen had grown like a pesky weed. "No, I am as tall as I was for my fifteenth birthday." Mama laughed, flashing her snow-white teeth. "Darling, I mean you are becoming a woman. You are blossoming into a young lady." She aided me in removing my stained nightgown, leaving me nude. She quickly dressed me in undergarments, fetching a white pad from Gretchen when she reentered.

"Elise, you are not dying. This blood flows from your body each month." She gave me the pad. "Put it in your underclothes." "Where," I asked, shocked. What was happening? Mama sighed and pulled a pair of my bloomers from my drawers. She put them in between the two holes where the legs go. I copied her, then pulled my bloomers on. I felt drier.

"Mama, why am I bleeding?"I winced at the cramping, folding my hands over my stomach. "Why does it hurt so badly?" Gretchen finished making my bed, curtsied, and left. Mama sat down and patted the spot next to her. I sat, folding my hands in my lap. "Darling, it is all a part of growing up into a strong mature woman." "Why are my.. breasts growing so large! They feel sore, Mama." Mama blushed, opened her mouth to speak when a slick voice interrupted her.

"Pardon me, Mother, but I am going to meet my schoolmates for a study session." "Very well, Hanschen. But please be back for lunch around noon. Your father is returning from Munich and will want to speak with us as a family." "Ja, mama," he replied, placing a perfect smile on his face. He met my eyes and smirked as he left our sight.

"Now, Elise, I can only tell you that you are growing into a woman. It is not comfortable. Being a woman is difficult work." "Mama-" "Pardon me, Frau Rilow, but Frau Haynsworth is here to see you," came the nervous voice of Gretchen. Mama smiled with relief and stood. "Now, get dressed child and come downstairs."

I stared after my mother in confusion. Why were my breasts growing larger? Why was blood flowing from within my legs? I looked besides me. Mama had laid out a dark blue dress with sky blue stockings. I dressed myself, fixing my stockings. I pinned my hair back, clearing my face. It made my face seem a little more mature. The November wind blew through my room, beckoning to me. I went and looked out to the road. I saw my brother in the distance, conversing with the meek Enrst Robel and musician Georg.

I wanted desperately to go outside and run around. I wanted to run with Martha, Anna, Thea, and Wendla down to the stream and gossip about anything and everything. How easy it would be to slip out the window, like the night before.

My mama's shrill voice interrupted my thoughts. Maybe later..

Moritz wrung his wrists nerously as he waited outside his house. Melchior should be there any minute. He cast a glance back to his house. The shadow of father lurked inside the prison Moritz called home. He didn't want to go back in there. His father had lectured him for nearly forty-five minutes on the importance his grades. He was trying. God knew Moritz was trying his hardest to keep up his grades.

"Moritz!"

The skittish young man looked to his right. A taller, well-built young man walked up to him. "Hello there, Melchi," he managed to say, letting a weak grin appear on his face. "You look tired, Moritz." "I couldn't sleep." Moritz shuddered, remembering the seductive dream that took over his subconcious last night. Melchior gave his old friend a knowing smile. "Do you want to talk about it?" Moritz shook his head and blushed furiously. "N-Not here! W-We're going t-to be late anyway. S-Shall we go?" The two friends chatted for a few minutes as they walked to Hanschen's home.

"Melchi, it's getting worse. When I am not awake studying, I am being tormented by the sticky nightmares! There's a woman-" Moritz stopped to shiver. Melchior smiled in amusement, much to Moritz's displeasure. "Stop laughing at me! It's horrible, Melchi. There's a woman, but not a woman!" "What do you mean? A woman, but not a woman?" "S-She's our age. Her hair is long and shines like the sun." Melchior nodded at Moritz, thinking about who in their age group Moritz could be thinking about.

"Do you know her?" "N-No, s-she isn't farmilliar to me." Melchior tapped Mortz, signalling him to stop as two elderly people walked their way. The two boys smiled and nodded in respect. Moritz sighed in relief as the old couple walked out of earshot.

"M-Melchi, the things she does.. Oh God, Melchi."

Melchior was immediately interested. "What does she do?" Moritz grabbed his friend by the arm, his eyes widening in fear. "S-She touches me there! She undoes my pants, strokes my..o-organ hard a-and.."

"And?"

"And I wake, in a..sticky mess."

Moritz blushed again. Melchior smiled sympathetically at his pained friend. "It's perfectly normal, Moritz. I've experienced them as well. But, mine were not so, how should I say it, distracting." Moritz groaned and held onto Melchior for suport. "And we can't stop them?"

"Sadly, no. That's the bitch of being an adolescent, I suppose," Melchior said, somewhat mournfully. "M-Melchior!" Moritz wasn't used to hearing his friend curse like this. "Sorry, Moritz." Moitz inhaled sharply, looking quite pale. Soon, they'd reached the Rilow household. Three figures stood in a group near the hill, conversing with one another. "Ernst, Georg, Hanschen! Hello!" Georg waved the two other boys over. "Hallo! We were about to go find you." The boy glanced at Ernst and Hanschen, who were talking quietly about middle terms. "Where shall we go?" Hanschen looked over to Ernst, his eyes boring into the meek boy. "I don't know. Where do you think, Ernst?" Ernst blinked rapidly at the question before saying,"The, er, pond is a lovely place to focus on Latin." The four other students nodded in confirmation.

Something struck Hanschen. He stopped walking and cursed under his breath. "W-What is it, H-Hanschen?" "I forgot my other book in the dining room," replied the blonde to the Robel boy. He turned back to walk to his home when a yell stopped him.

"HANSCHEN! HANSCHEN, WAIT!"

Moritz could see a petite figure approaching them. Blonde hair whipped around her as she sprinted over to the boys. Hanschen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Elise, stop running like a wild woman!" A pink faced Elise Rilow gasped for air. She held out a medium sized book to her brother. "You forgot this! Mama is angry since Frau Haysnworth pointed it out as we spoke over tea." "Well, Gretchen should have put it in my room," replied Hanschen haughtily.

Elise rolled her eyes and shoved the book in her brother's arms. "A simple 'Thank you, Elise' would be greatly appreciated."

"And a polite greeting to my friends would also be appreciated, Lise." Georg and Mechior smirked as Elise immaturely stuck her tongue out at Hanschen. Ernst laughed, but ceased at the dissaproving look of Hanschen. Moritz didn't know how to react. He caught the wandering eye of Elise, and quickly looked away in embarassment. "Hallo, freunde von Hanschen," she said sweetly, curtseying to each of the boys. She turned to her brother and gave him a cold look.

"Happy?" Hanschen straightened up. He stared her down for a minute before going to whisper in her ear. Moritz's sensative hearing picked up the cruel phrase: "Watch yourself, sister, or I may just let it slip you tried to run off again." "You would not dare," Elise hissed back.

"Er, Hanschen?"

The arguing siblings turned to the timid Ernst Robel."U-Uh w-would E-Elise like t-to join u-us?" "NO," Hanschen shot back angrly. He noticed how Ernst shrunk back against Otto in fear. "I mean, no Ernst," he said kindly. "My dear sister has studies of her own to attend to." The other Rilow child smiled smugly and winked at Moritz, who was entranced by her. Melchior nudged him out of his spell. "Actually, brother, Mama said that fresh air would do me good. You do see how pale I've been getting," she retorted, holding out her arms. The other boys agreed. She had a sickly pale tint to her. "Yes, Hanschen let her stay. She could keep us on course. You know how we always get distracted."

Georg trailled off at the glaring eye of Hanschen. "I think she'd be a wonderful addition to our study group," Melchior proclaimed. "For the same reasons Georg mentioned." Elise grinned, curtseying in thanks to Melchior. "I'll just go tell Mama where I am going!" With that, the five boys watched the blonde haired girl run back to the large house. Hanschen growled, turning to Melchior. "You're doing this to spite me, Gabor," the Rilow boy spat. "Perhaps. But perhaps I meant what I said, Rilow."

Hanschen grabbed Ernst's arm and dragged him forward. "You stay here and wait for her. I would prefer to begin studying early." "You would let a group of young men escort your sister to the pond? What a good brother you are, Rilow," Melchior called to the boy. Moritz played with his shirt-sleeve nervously while Hanschen and Ernst disapeared down the hill. "N-Now what do we do?" Georg opened his Latin book and sat on the grass. "We wait. While we do, lets go over that passage Herr Sonnenstitch requires us to know for tomorrow."

He cleared his throat and read, "litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto Vi superum, saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram-"

Otto joined him, leaving Melchior and Moritz standing. Moritz looked back to the Rilow household then to the direction Hanschen and Ernst headed. "HELLO!" Elise ran back, her face flushed red. "Mama said I may join you for a little while, as long as I leave with Han-" She scanned the group. "Where is my brother?" "H-He went off with Ernst," Moritz stuttered. Elise's eyes flashed with anger. She stomped her foot childishly. "Of course he would! The immature little-"

"We should be going. Time is passing and we all need to know this passage for tomorrow's class," interrupted Georg. He and Otto stood and set off, joined by Melchior. "Come along you two," he shouted back to Elise and Moritz. The blonde Rilow girl glanced at Moritz, who tugged at his collar uncomfortably. "Shall we join them, mein Herr?"

She held out her arm. Moritz was confused. What did she want him to do? His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Elise leaned over and whispered, "You're supposed to take my arm and escort me." "O-OH! R-Right, sorry Fraulein Rilow," he apologized. Elise giggled as he linked his arm with hers. "It is quite alright. You may call me Lise, if it pleases you." Moritz nodded, quickening their pace so they caught up with the others. "Moritz," he introduced. "M-Moritz Stiefel."

I do not own Spring Awakening

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