Why am I so afraid of the night? My silhouette it haunts me.
My lack of faith in this beautiful life, my knowing of it haunts me.
I'm haunted and I know I should be afraid.
Ever since that night, I haven't gone out in the dark. Ever since that night when the alien took me and brought me to his underground cave, I've been terrified of the dark. My shadow scares me whenever I see it, well, until I realize that it's just my shadow, my silhouette.
I'm starting to doubt how my life is beautiful. Everybody always says "Life is beautiful, so live it to the fullest." Well, I just have one question. Why is my life like this then? My dad is an alcoholic who likes beer and cigarettes more than me, and my mom skipped out a long time ago.
I know, I shouldn't be thinking like that, but I can't help it sometimes. It just happens, those thoughts just pop into my head. And once they're there, it's impossible to get them to leave.
Lay awake at night. Cry, you know it's not alright
To feel like you're falling into nothing,
You can learn to fly, just call his name.
Just call his name.
And some nights, I lay awake in my bed, crying because I feel like nothing's gonna get better. I know the way we live isn't alright. I can't help but feel like sometimes I'm falling into nothing but emptiness. But then, I think of all the good things I have in my life. At least, I have my dad, and my friends, and Joe. Joe. Whenever I get scared, or lonely, I whisper his name, sometimes, I call it, and sometimes I scream it. At the times where I'm scared and tired and lonely and desperate and upset, just saying his name makes me feel better. Because, just the thought of him makes me feel better. He makes me feel better.
Suddenly I wonder why I feel so alone
I know there's something out there.
Thought I'd suck it up and do it all on my own.
Wish I'd known he does care.
I'm haunted and I know I should be afraid.
There are times when I feel alone. So desperately alone. Like, when nobody's home, and I'm scared again. I just feel empty and lonely. It's hard to describe. But it hurts. I know there are things out there. All kinds of things. I know there's love out there, and hate, and revenge, and anger, and death, and even aliens.
I thought I could handle all of these emotions, all of these bottled up feelings, but the truth is that I can't. And I don't have to. I wish when I was younger that I knew there was someone here, in Lillian, who could've helped me through it all. But no, I thought 'Be brave and strong. Suck it up and handle it on your own'. There's only so much a girl can take until she has to share the burden, and let it all out.
Again, all of these thoughts, they should scare me. I should be afraid, haunted even by them. But once they pop in, they don't leave.
Lay awake at night. Cry, you know it's not alright
To feel like you're falling into nothing,
You can learn to fly, just call his name.
Just call his name.
And some nights, I lay awake in my bed, crying because I feel like nothing's gonna get better. I know the way we live isn't alright. I can't help but feel like sometimes I'm falling into nothing but emptiness. But then, I think of all the good things I have in my life. At least, I have my dad, and my friends,and I. I. Whenever I get scared, or lonely, I whisper his name, sometimes, I call it, and sometimes I scream it. At the times when I'm scared and tired and lonely and desperate and upset, just saying his name makes me feel, just the thought of him makes me feel better. He makes me feel better.
Where do we go? Call out his name,
Lift up our hands completely ashamed.
Give it all up, dropping our pride
Rip us apart, change us on the inside
We cry out to you, we fall, change us please
Now, change us now.
I remember that one day- well, one night- crystal clear. It's embedded in my memory. I went for a bike ride, trying to clear my head of all those thoughts about my dad and my mom. And I didn't know where to go. And, I said his name. It was barely above a whisper, my voice barely audible. Joe. And that's where I went. To him.
And on that night, I had one particular thought on my mind. Joe's mom. It was all my dad's fault that she was dead. He got drunk, missed his shift, and a good person took it for him and she died. I knew that Joe didn't know. And, maybe that's one of the reasons I went to his house in the middle of the night. I needed to tell him, he needed to know.
And that's exactly what I did. I told him what really happened. I tried to lift my hands but they just dropped down into my lap, heavy with shame. Shame that my dad is the whole reason for his loss. Shame that I didn't tell him sooner. And when I broke down, and the tears I'd been holding back started to spill over and streak my cheeks, that's when I thought my pride was slipping away, slipping carelessly and helplessly through the cracks. I was tired of acting okay. I was tired of acting like everything was alright.
And once he finally knew the truth, that nagging feeling ceased. I wasn't getting ripped apart by the guilt. It wasn't nibbling away at my conscience anymore. And I felt relieved, kind of like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
And once I admitted that sometimes I wished it was my dad instead of his mom, he said "Don't say that. He's your dad." How can he do that? Only Joe Lamb could do that. Only he could hear all of that and yet still not hate the reason for his loss. Joe was like that. And I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be able to forgive and forget. I wanted to be different than who I was. I wanted to change on the inside, change who I was.
Lay awake at night. Cry, you know it's not alright
To feel like you're falling into nothing,
You can learn to fly. Cry, you know it's not alright.
You can learn to fly.
I still lay awake in bed sometimes, and I still cry, and yeah, sometimes not everything's alright… but everything is better. Sometimes I do feel like I'm falling into nothing, but then I grab hold of something, and suddenly, I'm not falling anymore. Suddenly, I'm flying. And I still whisper his name. I still say his name. I still scream his name. Because, somehow, he makes it all better.
A.N.- Yeah, not my best. I just really like the song, which is His Name by He is We. The song is apparently originally about GOD, hence the HIS and stuff, by I took it and twisted it and interpreted it as this, so TRY AND NOT HATE ME FOR IT. And, I'm in love with Joe and Alice. DIE HARD JALICE SHIPPER! AND, I guess it doesn't help that it's 2 am on a Monday night…or Tuesday morning. Since I'm writing all my one-shots ahead coz my DINOSAUR COMPUTER IS ABSOLUTELY STUPID! ANYWAY, if you hate it, tell me. Or don't. If you like it, tell me. Or not. BYE:]
PS- Sorry for any errors. When I upload to Doc. Manager, they put two words together for some reason and I have to go through and pull them apart, and I tend to miss some of them.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPER 8 OR HIS NAME. HE IS WE OWNS THE SONG, AND I DON'T KNOW WHO OWNS SUPER 8, BUT THEY ARE AMAZING.