AN: Hey loves! So this might be the longest fic I've ever written. I've had it in progress forever and I need to stop editing it and finally put it out there! So here it is. I hope you like it, it's just a little something I made up while I suffered through season 3. Reviews make me smile!
Zoe finds out that Wade asked Vivian on a date. Takes place during 3x09 in which we manage to avoid all the unnecessary bullshit that filled up most of season 3. AU.
"Every time you do this Zoe it's like I lose you all over again and I don't think I deserve that anymore."
Come Over
Zoe
His name rolls off Vivian's tongue. Colored by her southern accent it somehow sounds so different from the way Zoe would say it herself.
Wade.
Vivian is so excited and Zoe just wants to be anywhere but where she is right now. Because sitting at the Butterstick across from her cousin's sparkly eyes exploding with anticipation over having been asked out by Wade Kinsella is doing something to her heart.
She makes up an excuse about being late to the practice and runs out of the bakery, grabbing her purse hastily and waving a quick goodbye. Vivian smiles back at her; Zoe could practically see the hearts in her eyes while her own heart was squeezing on itself inside her chest - thumping loudly against her ribcage, almost as if it were begging to be heard.
She swears she was heading to the practice, but she just has to make another stop first.
The familiar smell of fried everything fills her head as she stomps her way to the bar he's wiping down.
"You asked out Vivian Wilkes? She's my cousin!"
She slaps her hands on the counter and he gives her a smartass remark and before she can give one right back her phone buzzes and now she actually does have to head to the practice (probably not to treat patients but just to do whatever Brick wants her to do.)
She can feel Wade smirking at her as she leaves the Rammer Jammer.
She wonders if he could hear her heart too.
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Wade
Zoe Hart is going to drive him to an early grave.
Here she is, hovering behind his screen door, while he sits on his couch with his guitar in his lap. He makes no move to open the door for her, it's unlocked and he knows very well that she knows that too.
He also knows that her patience is going to run out in about 20 seconds.
So he keeps picking at his guitar strings until eventually he hears the door swing open. He doesn't even try to hide his smile. She storms into the gatehouse and he sets his guitar aside. She comes to stand in front of him, her tiny hands on her even tinier hips.
"Took you long enough." He leans his head against the back of his couch and sighs, preparing for the onslaught because he knows exactly why she is here. This morning at the Rammer Jammer her phone had buzzed halfway through her "you can't date her, she's my cousin" rant and she had been forced to stomp her way out of the bar like the force of nature that she was.
"You can't go on a date with Vivian, Wade."
"Yes, you've said that already." He rolls his eyes and stands, walking past her to grab a beer. He figures he's going to need one for this conversation. He ducks his head into the fridge and when he looks at her again she hasn't moved but her eyes are now scanning his house, as if expecting someone to pop out from behind his furniture.
He almost wants to remind her that she was the only one who ever found it necessary to hide behind his bed.
"She has a son, Wade! She isn't some Joelle that you can just use to get to me."
This makes him angry.
"You know Zoe, did it ever occur to you that maybe I like her? That maybe not every single thing in my life has to be about you? And what does it even matter what I do? When has it ever mattered? Because it sure as hell didn't matter enough last summer. A couple lines in an email and that was it. Adios Wade. You've made it really clear that I don't matter, Doc."
She stares at him in silence. He knows it's unfair, but he doesn't care. He huffs out a breath, shaking his head as he takes a swig of his beer. He's dog-tired.
He's tired from mixing all the drinks.
Most of all he's tired of how Zoe Hart says she doesn't want him but won't even let him try to not want her anymore.
He poked and prodded at her for months, waiting for her to see that he had changed. But she never did and then just as he's finally gathered enough courage to step away from them, she pulls him back to places he's already been. And tonight he's just had it with all of this; because he can't pretend anymore that everything hasn't been gnawing at his heart ever since she rolled herself and that suitcase of hers back into town and into his heart.
He sets his now empty beer bottle down amongst the many others on his dresser. It doesn't escape his notice that her eyes widen as he steps closer to her or how she steps back little by little. They've danced this dance many times before.
"Listen, Doc. She hasn't even said yes. But if she does, I'm going to go on a date with her."
Zoe has walked back so much that she's pressed up against the wall. To hell with it he thinks. It can't possibly hurt any more than it already does. So he takes those final steps until he's definitely much closer than he needs to be. The Christmas lights hanging around the gatehouse color her face in the dark and it almost feels like they have gone back to a time where he used to wrap his arms around her and she would let him.
"I just don't know what you want from me, Zoe. Tell me what you want for once." It's the sweet smell of her guava shampoo that is driving him mad and he can't think straight because he misses her so much.
"I don't want you to go on a date with Vivian."
"Why?" He presses. C'mon baby, please just say it. Her big does eyes are staring into his and he can see everything she's feeling right there in her chocolate brown orbs. But she just won't say it and as he pleads with her one more time, he swears he can almost hear the crack of his own heart in his voice. He's never going to be enough for her. He's never been enough for anything or anyone.
"I don't know why." Her voice speaks the words softly. Too softly. He wouldn't have heard them had he not been standing so dangerously close to her. He pushes a loose lock of her hair behind her ear.
Zoe Hart had torpedoed his life, crashed all his walls and then some and he couldn't thank her enough for it, but damn did he wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
"Every time you do this Zoe it's like I lose you all over again and I don't think I deserve that anymore." His voice is barely a whisper, his breath ghosting along her lips. He feels her fingers move up to grip the sides of his plaid shirt as he moves to press his lips against her forehead.
"Come on, Zoe. You take care of me, I take care of you, right?"
He hopes she understands what he means by that. He hopes that she knows that he is happy for her and where her life is going. That he's making the effort to be friends with Joel because he knows that Joel liking Bluebell is important to her. And he wants her to be happy because the last time she was he messed it up for both of them. And he really can't fault her at all for not willing to put her heart on the line with him again.
All he's asking in return is that she let him finally try to let go of her.
Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth and he bites on his own to avoid thinking about how much he wants to kiss her right now.
He feels her fingers let go of his shirt.
"I have to go," she whispers. "And for the record, you did matter Wade. You mattered a hell of a lot and your heart might have been shattered but don't for a second think that mine was left intact. Joel would never hurt me like you did."
She takes a step away from him and he darts out his hand to stop her, letting his right hand slide down her arm to lace his fingers with hers.
"Will he love you like I did too?" He swallows hard before he can continue, because the last and only time he said it she had run away. But he can't not say it when it's all that fills his heart, so he says it. "Like I still do?"
He hears her breath catch, and he knows that an old confession by a country road in the hot sun must have flashed before her eyes. Before he can say anything more she ducks out from under his arms and runs out of his house.
He doesn't watch her leave, only slams his fist against the wall.
Fuck.
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Zoe
She rushes out of the gatehouse and when finally in the safety of her own car, she lightly dabs at the tears that have formed under her eyes.
She doesn't want to cry over Wade Kinsella.
She doesn't want to think about an I love you.
This is exactly why she didn't want to come back to Bluebell in the first place. From the moment she saw him in town square on the hood of his car all she could see behind her closed eyelids were flashes of intertwined fingers against dark chocolate sheets and of him idly playing with her hair as he pretended to watch the romantic comedies she loved so much.
But what had scared her the most was seeing the tenderness in his stare as he saw her again. That long after a broken promise of 3 months - long after an email goodbye - he could still look at her like that.
She's seen how much he's changed and it only scares her more that she would be willing to put her heart on the line with him again. That she trusts him to be careful with it this time because she's so sure he will be.
And then there's Joel. Joel who had held the door open for her at the coffee shop across the hospital and had paid for her latte after she had spilled her last one all over him in her rush to get back to work. He had introduced himself nicely, no church social smile in sight. She wasn't falling into his lap later that night. No, he asked her out and kissed her sweetly after their first date. He was nice and funny and uncomplicated. His life was perfectly in order, fitting in with her own perfectly structured one.
When did that stop being what she wanted?
Wade wants to move on and he has every right to. She knows she is being irrational and unfair to everybody but god she can't shake him off. She pushes her hair back, takes a deep breath and starts her car to drive back to the Bed & Breakfast.
It had really all started with a blown fuse box and no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it had stopped she knew it hadn't and probably never would.
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Wade
Wade gets out of bed with a blinding headache. After Zoe had stormed out last night, he'd close his eyes and all he could see was the cherry red color of her lips. Sleep was just not going to happen, so he had resorted to drinking a couple more beers…or six. It wasn't until the sun had started to rise that he had finally caught maybe a couple hours of rest.
The workday at the Rammer Jammer was just like any other. He poured the drinks. He filled out paperwork for the shrimp and wine deliveries. He charmed all the same girls. He did notice the townspeople buzzing with some sort of big scandal (what else is new?) but he was far too preoccupied with Zoe Hart to even bother listening.
He finds the time to call Vivian and apologizes. Tells her he's just not ready. Because truth is, he isn't. If all it takes is Zoe Hart barging into his house to reignite a little hope in his heart, it just isn't fair or right.
This is why he wasn't supposed to fall in love. It hurts and he screws up everything he cares for but apparently he's just like every other Kinsella man.
Fall hard once and never fall out of love again.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
When he gets back to the gatehouse it's a little past one in the morning. He rubs at his face and all he wants to do is try to sleep tonight. Apparently that's a little too much to ask for, because none other than Zoe Hart herself is sitting on his porch. Fuck. He wonders what he did in a past life of his to deserve this.
"Listen, if you want to yell at me some more for asking Vivian out on a date you can save it because we're not going out. I hope you're happy now."
He opens the door to his darkened house and hopes she takes that as a message to leave him alone. He can't trust himself around her when he's this tired and mostly when she's all he's been thinking about since last night.
"I broke up with Joel."
He wishes he could pretend that his heart isn't beating uncontrollably against his ribcage or that his normally steady hands aren't slightly trembling. He quickly shoves them deep inside his jean pockets. She gets up and she's standing right where she had asked him to be her boyfriend and maybe all their big moments need to happen right here at the gatehouse.
"You want to know why? Because I miss reckless and immature and your stupid guitar playing at two in the morning."
He doesn't say a word. He really can't.
"I miss you Wade Kinsella and I don't want you to date my cousin or anybody ever again. And I believe you when you say you still love me and hearing you say it scares me because I think I love you too" She laughs here and he's still glued to his spot. "No. Sorry. I know that I love you too. And I know you've waited a long time for me to say it. So I'll say it. I love you. And I'll say it again and again if you need me to. And we are both so screwed up but somehow it just never works as well with anybody else. It never feels the same with anybody else, because you love me so differently and exactly in the way that I need."
He's having a hard focusing on anything she's saying. He wishes he could pay attention because he's sure she practiced that speech while she was waiting for him to show up. But all he's heard is I love you coming from her lips, directed at him, and he's having an even harder time believing this isn't some sort of fabrication in his mind.
He grabs her waist and she almost falls back from the movement but he's holding her so tight she's steadied again. He covers her mouth with his and he lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding since last summer. Her hands slip under the hem of his untucked shirt and his are pulling at her skirt because it's been too damn long since he's felt her skin like this. He lifts her up like he always does, like he's missed doing, and carries her inside.
They fall onto his messy bed. They are a mess of limbs and an even bigger mess of feelings. They have always been a mess.
"I'm sorry it me so long." She whispers in the dark as kisses her harder to make her stop.
"I'm the sorry one. But listen Doc, it's just you and me now. I meant it when I said I was ready before you left for New York. I'm so ready. To be everything I needed to be the first time around. I promise you."
"I believe you" she smiles.
(He makes good on his promise. Two years later, he's holding her hand as they smile upon hearing the heartbeat of their first child)