Severus Snape's constant and often unsatisfying updates as to the Death-Eater's plans were an undeniable strain on Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. This was due primarily to the general distrust of Snape's intentions, diluted only slightly by Dumbledore's insistence of Snape's true allegiance; but, in one particular case, it was due to a grudge that showed no signs of easing for any number of sacrifices on Snape's part.

In the beginning, Sirius Black had been nervously shoved out of the dining room during Snape's visits by being assigned any arbitrary task Molly could conjure ten minutes before his arrival. Sirius felt like a toddler when he received the new information after Snape had left, in Remus's faux-casual tone, as if Sirius had just happened to be busy at the same time that Snape had just happened to arrive.

The particular occasion in which Sirius first insisted on being present during Snape's visit was already humid with tension before he arrived. Molly and Sirius had, as Sirius had expected, had a drawn-out argument over whether or not Sirius was enough of an adult to see Snape without getting into an immediate fist-fight. By the time they'd settled the disagreement, Sirius's mother was screaming slurs from her portrait, and as the two looked pointedly at each other (neither was very interested in shutting the portrait up), there was a knock on the door.

Sirius and Molly, after a moment's hesitation, began shoving each other and rushing down the stairs to be the first to reach the door. Remus beat the both of them, greeted Snape cordially, and said, "Sirius, sit down in the dining room with Arthur- Molly, if you'd be so kind as to close Ms. Black's curtains-"

Molly huffed up the stairs, and Sirius, nearly panting with the excitement of being a formal part of the Order, hurried to the dining room table. There were benefits of keeping long-standing friendships with the most peacekeeping member of the house.

He realized too late that it had been a mistake to sit directly across from Snape. Seeing the details of Severus's pointed, smug face was all it took to rekindle the boiling envy and pain which had only recently dropped a few degrees in temperature.

Remus, who seemed to recognize this as a possible explanation for Sirius's strained expression, quickly began the conversation with an inoffensive, "do you have any new information?"
"No," said Snape, in a bored, almost Malfoyesque tone. "It has already been established that the Dark Lord is gaining power. He has made no further advances that I can discuss."

"None that you can discuss?" asked Sirius quickly, "or none that you will discuss?"
Snape sneered.

"If you think the Order of the Phoenix is the only group of wizards who are familiar with secret-keeping, then you're an even bigger fool than I thought. Lupin, I'm sure Dumbledore warned you to keep your dog in his cage during my visits- have you once again given into your friend's bullying, or do you have a special canine attachment?"

"Do you have anything at all to tell us?" asked Remus, in his most quiet and measured tone before Sirius could get a swear in. Nothing angered Sirius more than anyone, particularly Snape, humiliating his friends.

"The Dark Lord," said Snape, shifting his eyes very eventually from Sirius's and to Lupin's, "still seeks Potter, but is aware of his current restraints. He needs information before he kills the boy."
"I don't like your tone," growled Sirius, before Remus could stop him. Snape's eyes flicked back to meet Sirius's. "You make it sound as if Voldemort will kill Harry. Not if I can help it."

"Sirius," said Snape with a cruel pleasure, "you can't honestly believe you can stand in between the Dark Lord and what he wants. Countless wizards far greater- and less delusional- than you have been killed trying to protect the ones they loved from the Dark Lord."
"Including my best friends."

His tone was so cold, so quivery with anger, that Snape seemed to be caught by surprise for a moment. Everyone at the table turned to look at Sirius, whose teeth were clenching and unclenching inside his mouth.

"I knew this was a mistake," muttered Lupin, lightly taking Sirius's arm, "come on, I'll tell you what he says after-"
"No," said Sirius, calming himself and drawing his mouth into a tight, deliberate smile, "I want to know what Snape has to say to that. I want Snape to look me in the eye and continue to pretend like he's had the hard life when none of his friends betrayed him, none of his family disowned him, none of his-"
"You're as arrogant as you've always been," snapped Snape. "We all lost someone the last time the Dark Lord came to power."
"Right," laughed Sirius sharply, "tell me, Snape, how long did that last? How much did that take from you? Did you spend twelve years in Azkaban knowing that everyone you loved thought you had betrayed them-" Remus blushed embarrassedly at this, "-or did you get a kushy job at Hogwarts? You think you know what pain is- do you know what it's like to see no one, not even yourself, for years and years- do you know what it's like to-"
"What, no mirrors in Azkaban?" spat Snape, "not seeing his own reflection must have been even harder for Sirius Black than the dementors."

Sirius made a lurch at Snape, who remained quite still, but Remus, who had foreseen an offering of violence from Sirius from the second Snape had begun his retort, pushed him forcefully back into his chair. Sirius had indeed found it difficult to be without mirrors in Azkaban, but Severus could never understand that. Sirius had gone into the prison as a child, fresh out of high school, and when he'd escaped it had been weeks before he saw his proper reflection. It had been in a pond, and, curious, Sirius had taken human form to see his long-forgotten face. After finding his eyes and examining every inch of his own face in the water, Sirius had put his forehead in his hands and begun to weep, silent, hot tears, like he'd never cried before. The once-supple young skin had become gaunt and prematurely wrinkled; his once-bright eyes had dimmed noticeably. He told himself it was a trick of the darkness, that once he shaved off the grimy beard and chest-length hair he would look the same as he did the day he entered Azkaban, but he knew that he could never be the boy Sirius Black again.

"If you've no more information," Lupin said, a certain restraint in his own voice, "maybe it would be best to be on your way."

"Oh, no," said Snape, sardonically, "I'd like to hear what more Sirius has to feel sorry for himself over. And why don't you have another glass of firewhiskey, Sirius? I can smell that you've already indulged in a bottle or two."

Sirius's cheeks flushed with heat and color and he glanced, uncomfortable, at Remus. Remus too had suggested that Sirius calm his nerves with something other than this outside influence- granted, in a much more comforting way- but Sirius had found that nothing else could quite blur his memories with the same consistency. Every moment spent with an outsider was torture- Molly would fondly recall memories of Harry, of moments that Sirius had never had a chance to be a part of; Arthur would mention events that had happened in Sirius's twelve years absence casually, not remembering that these occurred in the lost years of Sirius's life. The only things in the house with which Sirius had to distract himself were books and firewhiskey, and Sirius was never much of a reader.

"Do you think the Dark Lord will kill Harry?" Sirius's voice had a different edge the second time; it was not quite a challenge and not quite a question. Even Remus was having difficulty ascertaining what exactly he wanted Snape to say. Before Snape could answer, however, Sirius blurted out, almost inaudibly, "he's everything I have."

There was a dull, suspended silence. Remus looked from Snape's blank expression to Sirius's, then looked across the table at the only other present Order member, the hitherto silent Arthur. Arthur's mouth was agape, his hands frozen in the middle of what appeared to be him fiddling with the tablecloth, and his eyes were flicking between Snape and Sirius at the speed of light.

Molly entered, grumbling to herself, and said irritatedly, "alright, Severus. If you'd excuse me, I was looking after Sirius's-" she put a special emphasis on Sirius, "-mother's portrait, you know how she gets- anyhow, what have I missed?" Her lips were slightly pursed at the sight of Severus, whom she did not admire much more than Sirius did, but they quickly fell into a frown upon seeing the delayed reaction of the Order members. "What?" she demanded, "what is it?"

"Nothing," said Sirius, suddenly very interested in a crumb on the kitchen floor behind Snape's head.

"What is it, Arthur?"

"Nothing, dear, there's- there isn't any new information, is all."

Molly was not convinced, and, knowing that Lupin was the most agreeable at the table, she gave him a penetrating stare; Lupin, however and unbeknownst to Molly, was thoroughly learned in the art of lying to get his friends out of trouble, and said calmly, "Nothing, Molly. Was Ms. Black difficult?"
"Yes, as usual," said Molly, scrutinizing the room as if looking for evidence of a brawl. "I can't imagine how you lived with the real thing, Sirius."

Sirius nodded.

Snape, who had regained his only briefly lost composure before the rest of the lot, looked only at Sirius as he said, "That is all I have to say. I have a meeting with Dumbledore to which I must attend."
"Oh, yes," said Molly, somewhat disappointed. "Let us know when you'll next visit the usual way."
Snape nodded, stood up, and, for a split second, towered over Sirius. His hand was hesitantly quaking by his robes. Sirius stood up, too, and kept his hand level to the pocket in which his wand was tucked.

Snape's hand moved at lightning speed to point at Sirius, and Sirius drew his wand less than a second later. They glared at each other for almost a minute in full before Lupin gently said, "Sirius."

Sirius looked at Lupin, then at Snape's hand, which, he saw now, was flat, vertical, and wandless. Sirius swallowed and fumbled with his wand until it was back in his coat pocket. Snape remained quite still, as if he had been petrified with a severe glare and an extended hand.

Sirius drew his hand back out and shook Snape's, and Snape promptly left.

For the third time, the room was silent with confusion and emotion. Sirius looked at the hand that had shaken Snape's, bemused. Molly looked irritably at the stunned faces of Lupin and Arthur before saying, rather irritably, "well, what are you two sitting around for? Harry's coming soon, we have a house to clean!"