The repercussion of the shot being fired pierced the air like an agonizing scream with such finality that she felt cold, frozen in that moment to die a thousand times from regret. She spun around and fell back against the front door then slid down gasping for air. Tears ran down her cheeks as the reality of the moment sent her into shock with just one thought, "if only I could go back in time"; knowing she couldn't. That knowledge hit her just as hard as the sound itself. Alicia awoke with a scream, once again living that moment in yet another nightmare.
It had been over a year and Alicia was still having nightmares from that evening on September 18th; his birthday, his last day. The irony was there to remind her of "The Event". Calling it anything else was too painful, too close to the truth. If you were to ask one of her friends to describe her they would most likely say she had an infectious laugh and was quick to smile; definitely a friend that was fun to be with. Until "The Event", that's when everything changed.
Their conversation just before Jake walked out of her home that last time seemed to hang in her memory as though it was anchored by guilt and regret. But that didn't make any sense, not the guilt part in any case, it wasn't her fault. She had liked Jake for awhile but the chemistry wasn't there for anything to happen beyond that. She knew it and she felt he knew it too. Yet he still kept pushing, dropping hints, little comments that kept pushing her farther away. She knew she had to talk to him, to keep control of her own life for God's sake. Alicia wanted Jake as a friend if he could handle that, otherwise no, no contact. It had to be that way. Relationships took their own path in their own time, assuming both people shared the same feelings.
Jake couldn't accept what he was hearing, that she didn't have the same feelings for him, and no more contact. He spoke quickly, desperately, about their time together letting Alicia know he loved her, they just needed more time. He needed to make her understand. He watched her shake her head and look away over and over as he silently prayed for her to relent. His gut wrenched as his throat tightened cutting off his last plea in mid sentence. He looked at Alicia as his face paled with painful recognition of the truth, their time together had come to an end.
They talked for over an hour and Alicia stood her ground, as difficult as it was for her. She told Jake she never intended to hurt him.
The moment had arrived. Her last words to him were, "I'm sorry, please go now." She opened the front door then stood aside.
He didn't move for a moment, just standing there, longing for her to change her mind. Finally he walked slowly by onto her front porch where he turned toward her. In an almost indiscernible whisper he mouthed, "I love you." His eyes were red with tears vainly being held back as he turned away walking to his car. He glanced back at Alicia as she closed her front door knowing that would be the last time he would ever see her.
Alicia knew she had done what was needed for both of them. To let their relationship run on would have made it even more difficult to break off. It hurt, but it was the right thing to do. Love is never easy especially if it's one-sided. She stood there for a moment with her eyes closed and took a deep breath.
It was over . . . then she heard the shot.