A/N: This is Kureno's first hand perspective on what I feel his feelings are for Akito. Believe me: I'm a DIE-HARD AKI/GURE FANGIRL! But I admire Kureno's purpose in Akito's life and to be honest, I like him more as a character than I like Shigure...but Akito is my favorite...EVER! Please enjoy. Also, pleases beware of manga spoilers...this is basically referencing the first time these two ever slept together...and I couldn't fall asleep tonight so I wrote this instead...it is currently 4:27 AM...and I just wrote this in as little as 45 minutes. Also, please regard the fact that I do not own Fruits Basket and would NEVER take that honor from Takaya-sensei. :3
Her Security Blanket
She was always hurt: by her mother, by Shigure, by any of the other twelve…even by me. Essentially, she had been broken for too long, and the only one capable of fixing her was a dead man, her father.
She had always been small and fragile, but I never realized how severe until I actually held her in my arms. A brittle existence; physically and mentally. And despite the hatred she harbored for her mother, they shared many of the same qualities; although her mother is to blame for that.
Akito was…a child. A small, sad, lost child. She was no longer 'God' to me; I had been released for many years so my connection to her was so different, so much more pathetic that the others'. Then again, that connection was far beyond pathetic.
She was broken…yet again. She was furious, rampaging in the hall, in the room, in her mind. She spat at the maids, she tore at the walls, she smashed at my chest. Pounding and pounding, she released the aggression of her maddening rage which soon dwindled to angry tears, flooding from her eyes.
I clasped onto her, the only thing I could even think of doing. She was shaking as if caught in a seizure.
"Akito! Akito!!!" Screaming her name was my only hope of reviving her, but her face appeared as if it was magic; though the look upon it could hardly be called magic.
Black, cold, menacing: her eyes were always condescending, always prepared to belittle at any given chance, but in this instant, they were brown, wet…sad. I pressed her crying face to my chest, whispering her to comfort. Whimpers and muddled words left her mouth, but nothing comprehensible or important. She was a child again, a little girl. But Daddy wasn't here; Daddy hadn't been there for years, and even I couldn't be considered a replacement.
"Kureno," she said, her voice cracking in the sobs.
My hold softened, I glanced down. "Yes?"
I could feel her stuttering gasps as she breathed in deeply. "Don't stop holding me." Fresh tears stained my shirt as her arms wrapped around my body, her unbound, small breasts nearly brushing against my chest.
…this was the first time I ever held her so intimately, though it would cause a string of scandalous and heartbreaking actions from the man she truly loved.
Her body was small, easy to keep under the guise of a young man, even though she was already finished in becoming a woman. It cried for recognition of any sort, and she sought it from me.
I was never…a lover. I could never truly amount to that sort of title. I was merely her security, temporarily healing her from harmful words from the vile witch or the cruel prince. I was the band-aid that would soon peel from the wound, opening it for only more abuse.
But she needed me, this broken girl, this poor child.
She would never lay on me like a woman upon a man, but as a child clinging to a stuffed toy or a tattered blanket. I made the pain disappear in a brief moment of adult pleasure, but only for a short while.
I could never be the man she loved…and I knew this from the beginning. She could never be my woman to love, it was impossible. There was no way I could see Akito as a true lover; that was Shigure's purpose.
Though I did, and still do, love Akito. I love her more than anyone else; she's the only one aware of my state, but I'm empty…just like a teddy bear or an old blanket. I'm only full of the mended hurt, a vessel for comfort.
I'm empty, I'm sad…but she needs me, and for as long as I can, I will remain as this child's security blanket.
Thank you VERY much for reading. Please review...AND ALSO NOTE! This is Kureno before he meets Arisa...years before. Don't hate...don't flame...just review. Thank you, once more, and much love. 3
~Erbby