A/N: Hello lovelies! So this isn't perfect i know but i wanted to go head and put it out there! Please leave a review it would mean so much to me and i know that's kinda cliche but it really would mean alot to me! even if you didn't like it i would still love some feedback and also give it a fav and a follow if ya liked it! :) have a wonderful day :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rose or the TARDIS or the Doctor or anything else from Doctor Who.

The day I died. The day I lost the love of my life. How did I cope? Cope? I don't think I did. Sometimes I wonder still how I'm even still here. After that day I felt so...empty? Was that the word? I don't even know if there are words to describe how I felt. How I felt was indescribable;There was nothing that could piece my heart back together. I felt like nothing even mattered, I didn't even know if I wanted to keep on living.

When I look back, I feel like everything happened in a blur. I remember how I never saw this coming, and how I thought I would be with him forever. It was just another adventure with the Doctor. We were saving the world again and everything was going to be ok...somehow. There was always a happy ending, even when things got bad or it looked like there was no way out. I think when my hand slipped, I didn't even know what was happening; everything spiraled out of control like a house of cards. I wasn't holding on anymore. I had no control. I felt myself being sucked into another world. What happened in seconds, maybe faster, felt like it happened in slow motion. I saw the Doctor's hand reaching for mine, but it was too late - I was too far away. His mouth moved but I couldn't hear his words over the blood rushing in my ears. His face started to blur and I watched his face fade into a white space. It was like waking up from a dream when the blood rush in my ears stopped and everything slowed. Gasping for air, I'd had the wind knocked out of me like someone punched me in the stomach I felt the cold, blank, white wall against my face. Silence. Tears quickly soaked my face as I screamed in pain, clutching the wall as if it would let me back. Wait...could he hear me? I listened...nothing. I couldn't process what was happening. This wasn't real - it couldn't be! It was too awful and painful.

I think back to when I thought my Doctor was gone. He said he was the Doctor but it was hard to believe. I mean he had a whole different body, different personality, different everything! I lost my faith and trust in him - I kept thinking The world needs you! My doctor wouldn't sleep through this, why won't you wake up!

I said earlier that there weren't words to describe that pain - and there aren't. That pain was indescribable, and I couldn't think of a time in my life where I'd felt like this. The pain of being separated from someone you love, and knowing it's probably impossible to see them again. Hear their voice again. Feel them again. Be with them. I can't describe how it felt or put it into words. I felt like my heart was a fragile vase that someone had thrown against a wall, shattering into a thousand pieces. There were too many pieces to put back together. And as far as I was concerned, I didn't even know if my life was worth continuing. Because, I was separated from him once, but at least that was in the same universe. I also had the TARDIS, and somehow I just had this feeling that she would bring me back to him. But I didn't have anything now. The Doctor had closed all the gaps between the universes. There was no way back now- ever.

Part of me couldn't except what happened. I couldn't move on and I kept expecting everything to be ok when I woke up. This was just a nightmare. I kept telling myself there was a way back, that he would find me, that one day we'd be together again. But nothing changed. And I asked myself why I even expected it to when I knew it was impossible. Eventually, I started shutting down, giving up. Could I even keep on living? Could I live with this pain? Would the Doctor want me to have hope and look for a way back or would he want me to move on and start over like it'd never happened? I knew my what my family wanted, but they don't understand. They all just want me to move on, and keep reassuring he would want me too. But I can't-I never will. I need him now more than I ever did.

Whenever the wind picks up, I always turn around, thinking its the TARDIS, and then I mentally scold myself for thinking that. For getting my hopes up, and thinking that things will all go back to the way they were. It's literally all I can do to pull myself together, to tell myself to be strong, to keep going.

I can go to my job at UNIT, and try to throw myself completely into my work, but to say it helps would only be partly true. Because I still think about him. I try not to while I'm at work, but it's hard. When I'm not at work, I'm researching on the side because I have to find a way back. Only me and a couple other people know about the project;I'm keeping it a secret for now from my family, Micky, and anyone else. I'll never stop searching, listening, waiting for something..anything that will lead me back to him, because the pain is too much! My heart is still shattered, and I don't expect it to ever be the same.

I cry myself to sleep alot, maybe not all the time or every night like I used too but it still happens. I don't think it will ever stop.

I know that back in London, there's a list of the people who died that day and I'm one of them. And its true. And you're probably thinking "But Rose your not dead!", but I am. The Rose Tyler that everyone used to know, is dead. Rose Tyler died on doomsday. That was the day she died. She doesn't exist anymore. My name is Rose Tyler, and this is the story of how i died.

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