What She Thought She Knew
Dislaimer: I do not own NCIS. It's on my Christmas List
Spoilers: Kill Ari
The first time she met them she thought that she knew them. She'd read their files. What more was there to it? The first time she met them she thought she knew what she was doing. She only had to save Ari. Save Ari from Gibbs. How did she end up saving Gibbs from Ari? Because he confessed? Because he was a traitor? Or because of what he'd said about their father? She'd thought, been sure, that it wasn't true . . . except that it so obviously was. She liked to think it wasn't so personal, so emotional. She liked to think she was just saving Gibbs. But she wasn't sure. She remembered how she'd been desperate to escape. Why did she come to NCIS? It had seemed obvious. Jenny would welcome her. Gibbs had impressed her. The whole team had impressed her. Their skill, their loyalty - treating their co-workers with the love and respect that her father couldn't even show his family. She had never expected to be accepted by them. Not when her half brother killed Kate, a woman she can only presume was a sister in the NCIS family. Maybe something else to Tony. She smiled, remembering when they first met. Gibbs would have been civil, since she saved his life. But she expected everyone else to reject her, react more like Abby. And even Abby was satisfied quickly, as soon as she realised that Ziva didn't expect to replace Kate, or want to.
She glanced at Tony's desk, his latest copy of FHM spread open, his chair back and at an angle, everything as it was when he left, rushing out without bothering to tidy up the moment Gibbs had told him he could leave. She thought she knew him, but files don't mention incessant movie references or unwavering loyalty.
McGee's, everything in order and full of equiptment that would give Gibbs a headache just to look at. The man she'd placed as the nervous computer geek, suprisingly bold and with the same loyalty as DiNozzo, the same loyalty as everyone in this team.
A small doodle caught her eye on the edge of McGee's desk. Abby. She smiled involuntarily. How could she have ever thought a file could convey the madness, the weirdness, the hyperactivity that was Abby?
Ducky, a perfect gentleman always. Whoever wrote Ducky's file must have been mad not to mention the constant stories and endless kindness.
Palmer, the Autopsy Gremlin, she remembered how she'd thought he was the only one who she had assessed correctly. But even in the short time she had been here he had grown. Grown braver, grown smarter, grown up.
Lost in thought she barely noticed herself turn to Gibbs' desk. His bin, filled with empty coffee cups, the only evidence of their stressful day. The man who she'd foolish enough to think she could know. A file couldn't describe the compassion that flashed on his face when he thought no one was looking. The way he cared for his team like they were his children. Well - a little more tough love than he'd give his children, perhaps.
She thought she knew what these people were like. She thought she knew that torture was the only way to get the truth. She thought she knew who she was and what she would do for the rest of her life. She thought she knew the rest of her life would not be that long. She remembered the people who were beginning to accept her as a teammate and realised - if it meant she could stay here, she would forget everything she thought she knew.