Disclaimer:
I do not own any characters, nor the lyrics. The lyrics are the proper right of the Beatles
Note: This is my first attempt at a Spirk story. I think it turned out alright, but I'll let you guys be the judge of that. Read on and enjoy. :)
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Jim sat, surrounded by members of his crew, yet feeling alone in his thoughts. It had been three months since he'd been deemed Captain of the USS Enterprise, and some days he wondered if he deserved it. He'd already lost several crew members in his time, each one he tried to overcome with a visit to the doctor, late into the night when both were off shift. The whiskey helped, but never took the burden and guilt away. Was this what he had signed up for? Yes, he'd meant to challenge Pike's dare, but in all honesty, it wasn't what he expected.
He was still a child, still stupid and reckless. What if one day he killed everyone? Many still questioned, though followed protocol of rank. Spock was one of them. The half-Vulcan still regarded him as an insolent human. Sighing, he picked up his glass of replicated beer. It was better than nothing.
What was it going to take to get past that emotionless mask? In the past few months, he'd studied his second in command, learning to read those blasted eyebrows and the little twinges at the corners of his lips. Bones called him obsessed, he simply decided he was finding ways to connect with the man he was to trust the most, with everything, or almost everything. And with all the many looks sent his way, there was little more than logic and disdain. He hated it.
A soft groan escaped his lips, frustrated. Honestly, what was the Fleet thinking. Spock would've been a better captain, despite what his older self claimed. Maybe the other Jim had been close with his second in command, but him, he was no where near being anything with the half-Vulcan, anything other than a superior officer. This world was different from what the other had known and didn't know if he could live up to the expectation to become more than Captain to the green blooded hobgoblin.
"Captain." The strong, restrained voice caused him to look up to the topic of many of his thoughts.
"What is it, Spock?" While hoping to be more, he guarded himself and now, was in no mood to be told how inferior he was to the half-Vulcan. He sometimes wondered if his mother had actually been human, but often squelched that thought. That day on Vulcan was one he did not enjoy reliving and often found ways to distract his thoughts. It had not been his intention to hurt Spock further, even if part of him had been angry at the time over the Kobayashi Maru and the reminder of his dead father.
"I wish to discuss the events of the last mission, for Star Date logs." He still stood there, not making a move to sit. Jim rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"I've already submitted them, Spock. Is there something else?" The last mission had been bad, they'd lost two members of their crew. Hence, him sitting here, alone, waiting for Bones to finishing examining an injured ensign.
Spock didn't move, instead, he looked...almost thoughtful. Jim became a little concerned, but not much. The half-Vulcan sometimes got that look when looking over a rather difficult problem.
"Captain..." Ok, something was up, his second in command rarely hesitated. "Jim." This time his voice was stronger, and in fact caused Jim to blink. He'd asked him a few times to call him Jim, a gander at making things a little friendlier between the two, it never happened though. He usually received a cold look in return.
"Spock, what is it?" He sat up a little straighter.
"A private manner. Perhaps it would be logical to discuss over a game of chess, I presume you know the game well." Jim scoffed, yeah, he knew it well.
"If you think you can beat me." Spock merely raised an eyebrow, his dark eyes never wavering from Jim's face.
Few words were spoken as he stood and led the way to his cabin. Spock was unnerving him a little and he didn't like it. Upon entering, he set up the game. Quietly, they began. He felt Spock's eyes on him, but still there was silence. Finally, he sighed, slightly annoyed to see he was soon to be defeated, it was a rare thing, and annoyed that after being confronted his first officer chose to remain silent.
"Is something the matter, Captain?" Ok, no more "Jim", didn't bother him, simply caused confusion.
"Not that I'm not enjoying this, but when have you ever wanted to spend more time with me than necessary? I mean come on, you hate my guts..."
"...For what reason would I have to hate your insides?" Jim rolled his eyes and waved him off, not in the mood to re-explain expressions.
"You said there was something you needed to talk to me about." The half-Vulcan nodded once as he leaned back a little, in thought, yet still rigid.
"Doctor McCoy advised that I come discuss the mission as it would cause 'healing', though I see no logic in the mission healing any wounds you have received." Jim sensed a little smugness there as he'd been the only one of the two to receive injuries, though his were only minor. A bump to the head and a couple bruises were nothing he couldn't handle. And why would Bones send Spock? They'd be doing their own healing in an hour or so. He was ready.
"Emotional healing, Spock, though doubt you'd understand that...Plus, unless you got alcohol, I don't think we're talking." He laughed a little before making a move, glancing over at him. He'd hit a small nerve, but then again he always did.
"And what would alcohol do, besides cause inebriation?" Spock made a move that put him in check, he'd have to think fast or he'd lost.
"Make me forget this conversation, that's for sure." He chuckled. For a moment, he concentrated on the game, only looking up when he thought he caught a sigh. What would make his emotionless second in command sigh?
"Captain, I have come to you for I believe I have become emotionally compromised." Blue eyes shot up. What was he going on about? Last he'd checked there'd been no fights, Spock hadn't tried to kill anyone, him specifically as it seemed Spock only had it out for him. He was confused.
"Um, I..Spock, you seem...fine. Why would you even come to me about this? I mean, come on, I know I can come off as quite the listener, but last I checked, I wasn't trying to get you in bed." He laughed and then paused, was that a blush coming across his cheeks or had he hit a bad mark causing those cheeks to flush a little greener.
"I come to you for it seems, you are the one who has compromised me." What else was new, still, why wasn't his throat being crushed. Usually that's what happened when he "compromised" his second in command.
"I..huh?" He was thoroughly confused. What threw him more was when he felt a warm hand on top of his.
"Captain...Jim. While logical, as you come almost close to my intelligence..." Was that a compliment? "And we require a great deal of proximity to one another, I also find this illogical. I have mediated more regularly than usual, however, it seems the human in me does not want to abate." He was totally confused now and a little freaked out, yet comforted in an odd way, by the touch. The hand had yet to pull away. And the look in his eye, it was...emotion. It was a look he'd seen before, but definitely not directed at him, in fact it had usually been directed at Uhura before they decided to separate. He never knew why, never asked.
"Spock, I know you don't yet like me, but you can tell me anything." And to his surprise, he meant that.
"You are wrong in your deductions, as it seems, I do 'like' you and I believe I have come to view you as t'hy'la." It was a word he'd heard before, but not by this Spock, but Spock Prime back on the ice planet he'd been marooned on during the events of the Narada. It was the word he saw during the mind meld, when he saw a little of the other Jim. He'd asked about it, but the other Spock had only shook his head and nearly smiled(he'd nearly dropped dead of shock at that). Jim looked it up later, curious and to hear it now, he was confused. Why would his Spock say that, see him as such?
"Spock..." He began to pull his hand away, but the half-Vulcan held tight.
"Jim.." Was that longing in his voice? Sure, he'd thought of Spock before in his own time, once in awhile on his shift, but he'd almost assumed it was based on his "studies". Had he missed something?
"This must be said, and while I may not fully understand it, it seems more must be done besides meditation, I have learned from my elder self and the loss of Vulcan..." A flash of negative emotion crossed his eyes, but was quickly gone, "that to ignore certain situations are more illogical than not." Soon enough, he got it and soon enough, the barrier he'd built up inside of him began to ease away. Maybe he was obsessed, but he wasn't stupid, even if he didn't always get it right away. Jim laughed a little.
"Are you saying you like me, Spock?" A twinkle lit up his blue eyes as he leaned forward. The half-Vulcan nodded very slightly, a green twinge painting his cheeks, deeper than before. He glanced down, Jim took the initiative this time as he reached over with his other hand and lifted his second in command's chin.
"If it helps, I might feel the same." He grinned, his grin growing into a smile as Spock stared at him, almost in shock, it was kind of adorable.
"Do you?" And without any words, he leaned further over and brushed his lips against his, grateful when the other responded. That was enough for him. And that's when he learned again that no-win situations don't exist, even if they turned out different than he'd imagined.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right