DANGER MOUSE
COMPROMISES
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
(Contains Spoilers For "Jam Session")
"You shouldn't let Danger Mouse influence your decisions; you should let me influence your decisions"
These were words she had meant at the time, but now, as she massaged Earnest Penfold's teddy bear Bernard with her tender touch, she felt compelled to walk back on them.
She was at this point a total hypocrite.
It was staff appreciation day, meaning the agency was planning a day out for the entire roster. Danger Mouse had suggested they make the decisions this time rather than endure another droll day in the local park eating jam sandwiches.
Squawk had her sights on cos-con, the largest pop culture fan convention in the world, but DM wished to tackle the high-octane thrills and spills of Awesome World.
They argued, they fought, and they only ended up annoying the colonel, who put the decision of where to go squarely in Penfold's lap.
DM decreed Squawk's interests trivial and boring and that Penfold should select Awesome World. This unnerved Squawk to an intense degree, and it gave her all the more motivation to keep moving forward with her intention to net a day out at the convention.
To do that, she would have to win Penfold's favour. There would be little problem with that.
After all, she knew what he liked, and had ordered a massive hamper filled to the brim with sweet succulent Jam to prove it, making the mistake of actually describing her order to Penfold as a means of bribing him.
To her, it was a little private joke, a petty office rib, something to laugh about after the day out was over, but it served to expose her intentions to Danger Mouse, who swiftly called her out on it, leading to another squabble and fight that Penfold had to step in and put a halt to.
Penfold soon let the competitiveness over him and his choice get to his head, demanding much more tiring everyday chores from the pair of them, from putting his pencil collection in catalogued order, to washing and drying just about all of his laundry and now here we were.
She had been given the audacious task of massaging Penfold. And she was enjoying it.
It had been perhaps the most personally satisfying of the tasks, though it certainly got her thinking about the long-term ramifications.
Penfold had always made a point of looking forward to spending staff appreciation day with his mates, but 'mates' don't ask other 'mates' to give them back rubs.
Unless you're a professional massage therapist, or a girlfriend who happens to be one, this kind of leisurely activity would be deemed professionally inappropriate between people in the workplace. It was an entirely personal, private matter, and were it any other person under any other circumstance; she would have turned it down.
This was no ordinary person, this was someone skilfully mastered in the agricultural combat technique of farm fu. This was an exceptional field agent who, when the chips were down, could upstage even the world's greatest, and most obnoxious, secret agent to the point he could get the colonel to remember his name.
This was her hero.
So why was she so dismayed to find herself applying her massage techniques to Penfold's teddy bear at his request?
Perhaps because she felt he was already being too selfish and needy and that she shouldn't be enabling his childishness.
That was why she felt she'd become a hypocrite, because she wanted Penfold to enable her own adolescent habits. The cos-con convention was a haven for man-babies, nerds, cultists and other assorted social exiles, but it was the only place she felt she could let loose her inner child.
She wanted to share that joy with Penfold, DM could tag along and pretend to be thoroughly drained by the experience, but she knew he'd perk up at the mere sight of the Melted panel that she knew would be running. Anything that reminded him of Dawn would make that day a win for him.
As she reluctantly massaged Bernard, Squawk had only her own private thoughts for company. She couldn't share them with Penfold for fear it'd put him in an awkwardly emotional spot.
She had to put up with Penfold's braggadocios attitude as his friends continued to put his needs before their own, all to leave a lasting impression on him so he could make a firm decision on where to take them.
Not being able to talk about her feelings was one thing, but she was also putting up with Penfold's selfishness, which was only serving to stir up more aggressive feelings. Either way, it was unbearable.
That's why she wished she could walk back on what she said earlier, because now Penfold was influencing her decisions, and she liked to be in charge of her destiny, their destiny.
To make the day out the best it could possibly be, she had to make Penfold feel the best he could possibly be.
Perhaps, she thought, that's how a friendship and something beyond even that, works.
Compromises.