So, this is something I wrote for 12/13/08, but I probably won't have time to post it then. I've had a bad case of insomnia lately, so I got a little time to write a few things and this is one of them. Yes, this is Larxene/Roxas/Axel, because of the date this year. Yum. This is pretty angsty, so beware.
Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Zheyne who didn't own Kingdom Hearts. The end. (Duly Disclaimed)
He notices her first, because she's beautiful. He doesn't really know how he knows this, because he's only been around for two days, at most, but he knows she is beautiful and he knows he wants to tell her.
She's looking at him differently from everyone else; as someone beneath her notice, someone who isn't worth extra effort. But he is. Xemnas – Superior, he supposes – told him he is. He's not going to bring it up, because he wants to earn her respect the old-fashioned way, but he's not going to let them get to him, either. His encounter with Axel has proven that he has at least one ally here, though he doesn't know how genuine…
Yeah, right. As if it could be genuine. But at least it's the truth – if only because they are now partners and if Axel fails to be a good mentor, he'll be eliminated. Roxas is too important to the Organization to be sabotaged.
So he watches coolly, observes them like they're observing him. He doesn't let his eyes linger on Axel, because they've already met and he wants to get an impression of the others.
II looks a little edgy, as if he isn't sure bringing Roxas into the Organization is a good idea. It isn't, but no one – not even the Superior – knows that.
III looks…hairy. He's not particularly frightening now, but there's a reason he's still number III instead of a Dusk and Roxas doesn't want to cross him just yet.
IV looks impassive, but there's a darkness in his eyes that has nothing to do with being a Nobody. Roxas doesn't know if it's about him or not; so he decides to think about it later.
V looks very large. And Roxas decides to avoid him, if possible, until he can get control of his abilities.
VI looks contemplative, as if he thinks he can use Roxas in some way. That won't happen. He's going along with the Organization's plans now, but he won't always. He knows there's unfinished business he has – it's a sensation in his gut and an intrinsic knowledge – and once he remembers what it is, he's leaving.
VII looks feral, but Roxas thinks that's a common look for him. No one else seems to pay it any mind. He'll watch out until he can determine if he's right.
IX looks hopeful. Is he expecting a friend? Roxas hopes not.
X looks utterly confused. But Roxas thinks that's a façade.
XI looks like VI, but he looks more sinister. He looks like he not only wants to use Roxas, but he thinks he can do it with no effort at all.
And then…there's XII. The beautiful one. And the one who looks like she doesn't care about him at all. It's a good change, because if she doesn't care at all, he can make it a goal to make her care. He needs another ally, and she's the likeliest candidate.
"Number XIII: Roxas. The Key of Destiny."
She purses her lips and raises an eyebrow, as if to say, 'This runt?'
And he knows she's perfect.
She is perfect. She is quick and efficient, furiously agile, accurate. She is beautiful in all her movements, like a dancer. She likes to watch him, likes to spar with him. And he likes to pretend he doesn't notice. Axel teases him sometimes, but there's a look in his eyes – something resembling the human emotion 'jealousy' – which obviously isn't genuine, but Roxas thinks that Axel may believe it is.
Axel doesn't get along with her any more, which is a minor setback.
But she is still worth pursuing, even though he doesn't know exactly what he's pursuing any more. Is it alliance? Is it familiarity? Or is it her beauty?
He decides it's all three and when he kisses her, she doesn't pull away. Instead, she bites him so hard he bleeds sweet, dark blood. He closes his eyes – so this is what 'feeling' is – and simply bites back.
A little while later, out of breath and grinning sharply, she says, "I knew you were different."
He doesn't think much of Xion. She is simply another Nobody in the World that Never Was; she is not even spectacular at fighting. She is boring and reminds him too much of something he can't remember. Someone he can't quite remember.
When he puts them next to each other – Xion and Larxene – he doesn't understand how they could possibly compare. Larxene is petty and works too hard to prove herself, but those are good qualities in a girl who knows what she wants. At least, he thinks so. He doesn't know any other girls, and Xion isn't his cup of tea. So Larxene must be superior.
When she's beneath him, she makes him bleed, makes him hurt so much it's beautiful. She makes him sweat and wonder how anyone could be so perfect.
When she's above him, she whispers soft things he doesn't like and marks him in a way which is only gentle because it's her. It's a feeling – sensation, rather – he's not sure he quite approves of, but most of the time, he's above her.
She is missing from the castle, along with Axel, XI, VI, V, and IV. Roxas doesn't know where, exactly, they are; but he knows that she can take care of herself. If nothing else, she has Axel as an ally, because despite their differences, they are still in the same Organization. When it comes down to it, the Organization is the only family they have. And while family – love – doesn't mean much to anyone any more, it is still a concept everyone wants to understand sometime in the near future.
Axel is back, but Larxene is not. He looks distressed, as if Roxas was supposed to take the news well, instead of yelling and throwing things.
"Hey, hey, calm down. What's your problem? She's gone. No one will be sad. No one will miss her."
But that's not true…Roxas is sad. Roxas misses her. And he will prove it.
Kissing Axel is nothing like kissing Larxene. Sex with Axel is nothing like sex with Larxene. He still likes it – Axel is, after all, his best friend and strangely addictive, despite the hatred Roxas sometimes has toward him.
Axel is all fire, all fury, but he isn't controlling like Larxene was. He isn't demanding. He goes at Roxas' pace and when Roxas bleeds, he wants to patch it up. Sex with Axel isn't as amazing, isn't as fun, isn't as intense. It doesn't hurt. And Axel refuses to reverse their positions, even when Roxas refuses him sex because of that. Axel likes to be filled, likes to be sore, likes to be dominated. He isn't sharing.
Roxas might think him selfish, but really, that would be hypocritical. And he isn't sure, when it comes down to it, whether he wants to be dominated – because he's not sure whether Axel means enough to him.
He wonders whether he's lost himself sometimes. He knows he hasn't lost sight of either goal, because they're intertwined and by now, with one comes the other. It's inevitable. But sometimes he catches himself wondering – do I really need to go through with this?
So he makes a decision, one night. They are lying in bed together, and Axel is pretending to be asleep. He knows Axel likes to watch him sleep, sometimes; he says it's the only time Roxas ever looks vulnerable. So he takes this chance, and leaves.
Axel is unpredictable, but Roxas was positive he would be sought out and stopped; after all, Axel thinks he…
Maybe he does. Maybe he sees Axel like he saw Larxene. Not in the same way, but things don't need to look alike to be alike.
Despite that, he can't forgive Axel for his betrayal.
"No one will be sad. No one will miss me."
"That's not true…I'm sad…I'll miss you."
And this is his cue to leave.
It's funny, he thinks, that he remembers leaving Axel but doesn't remember why. He remembers everything they did, every word they spoke, but the reasoning escapes him. Why would he leave behind something so perfect, and with such cold words?
He thinks maybe Naminé has something to do with it, but it's too late now to ask her. Because Axel is in front of him and furious, and there's nothing to do but fight him in this state. He won't listen to anyone unless they beat him.
So he does. And even though he says they'll meet again, he knows better. He said it for Axel's benefit, but the Flurry of Dancing Flames likes to ruin things. He doesn't know why this thought enters his head, but because everything is so fuzzy right now, he just accepts it.
In the back of Sora's head, he finds locked memories. He sees a man with pink hair, Axel, Naminé, and a blonde girl who is so beautiful he wants to tell her. And then he remembers that he did.
With Sora's heart, he feels. He lost her, and then he made Axel go through the same thing. He knows it's called 'vengeance,' or 'hurt,' but that doesn't make the guilt and sadness go away.
With Sora's eyes, he cries, and with Sora's mouth, he says, "I'm sad."
And then he's gone, right after he thinks Sora's probably confused as to why tears are running down his cheeks just because he's standing by a train.
He can't make things right with Axel, because he's gone. But this – right here – is real. They're on the clock tower, like before. And they're discussing the nature of a heart. Roxas thinks he could confess to Axel his motivation, before things got confused, but he doesn't; because for once, he wants to do the right thing. He wants Axel's last encounter with him to be a happy one.
So he disappears, or at least he tries to. He sees the tears Axel would probably deny ever falling, if he had any time left, and he materializes one more time.
He leaves behind a kiss and a whisper: I love you.
It's true. But he loves her, as well. And when he fights Sora, he'll make sure any trace of the Key of Destiny is killed. If, by some stroke of luck or cosmic sympathy, they all live again, maybe he'll find Larxene. Maybe he'll find Axel. Maybe they'll find each other, and start over. If Sora, Riku, and Kairi can pull it off, so can Roxas, Axel, and Larxene.
After all, he is the Keyblade Master's Nobody.