My Life Would Suck Without You
Knock, knock.
Remus stirred from his deep sleep as the brass knocker boomed all around the empty house. He sat up, rubbing sleep out of the corners of his eyes, and turned towards the clock he kept on the bedside table. Allowing a moment for his eyes to focus, he stared at the luminous screen of the clock. The time read half past nine. Disbelieving, Remus turned to the window. The curtains were drawn, but outside he could barely see several rays of sunlight. With a groan, the teenager swung his legs out from under the duvet and raked his hands through his hair. Just as he had begun to think he had imagined the noise, it came again, more desperately this time.
Knock, knock!
Knowing there was no other alternative, Remus stood up and stifled a yawn as he crossed his small bedroom and pulled the door open. As he did so, he couldn't help but spot the claw marks carved into the wood, peeling the white paint and revealing the light coloured wood below. With a gulp, he studied his hands and immediately wished he hadn't. The ends of his fingers were red and cut, dried blood gathered around his nails. Some of them had snapped and he could now guess the prickling feeling he felt meant that someone had removed splinters from the ends of his digits in his sleep. Silently, Remus hovered his fingers above the scratches and frowned sadly as his fingers fitted perfectly. Usually, his claws made larger scars; these were obviously made last night.
Feeling raw emotion welling up in his chest again, Remus stormed around the door and slammed it behind him. As the knocking rang out in his house again, he descended the stairs. He jumped the bottom two and half ran across the hallway, grabbing the door handle in one hand and doing the best to flatten his hair with the other. He half expected to find a Muggle selling something door to door, but the person on the other side hadn't crossed his mind at all.
Guess this means you're sorry..
You're standing at my door..
Remus stood, frozen in place with shock, as he stared at the tall boy standing on his doorstep. The boy had messy, uncontrollable black hair that half hung over his face, making his dark eyes gleam brighter. His skinny torso was encased in a plain grey t-shirt, and black skinny jeans hung from his hips, supported by a black and white chequered belt. Plain white trainers tapped nervously against the step as Sirius Black grinned nervously at Remus.
"Hey Rem."
All at once, Remus' shock evaporated, and was replaced with a boiling rage. He glared menacingly at Sirius, and he knew the boy saw because his eyes flew open and he took a step back. He then swung his arm around to slam the door shut, but Sirius saw his plan at the last second and moved.
The yell of pain echoed in Remus' deserted house as the door swung with full force into Sirius' foot, which he had placed in the threshold to stop the werewolf from slamming it.
"Remus, listen to me! I've got something I need to say to you!"
Guess this means you take back..
All you said before..
Like how much you wanted..
Anyone but me..
"Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it!" Remus bellowed, pressing his weight against the door, trying to cause Sirius enough pain to withdraw his foot. "I think you said enough yesterday!"
"Remus, I was drunk.."
"Don't you use that as an excuse!"
"I wouldn't have -"
"Shut up!"
There was silence from the other side of the door, but Remus knew better than to assume Sirius had given up. He had known the boy for six years; he wasn't about to fall for the oldest trick in the book. He had spent all that time watching Sirius use the sympathy card on the girls he wanted to go out with at Hogwarts. If they started making things difficult for him, he would simply go quiet and wait until they became curious and looked at him. He would then pull the saddest or most regretful face he could, and they would be putty in his hands. He was a master at it. Unfortunately for him, Remus wasn't a hormonal teenage girl, and he wasn't about to fall for a trick he'd seen the boy perfecting for the past two and a half years. Especially after last night.
To his surprise though, Sirius' voice drifted back through the crack in the doorway.
"I didn't mean it Rem.. I'm sorry.."
Remus shook with both anger and another suppressed emotion he would not allow himself to express. "You expect me to just be able to forgive you? Just like that?" He spat furiously.
Silence. Remus scowled, feeling another crack etch itself across his heart. He had been in love with Sirius Black ever since he first met him. He had been walking down the train on his first day at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry, buried in a book he had taken from his trunk. This had obscured his view, but he assumed that because of his unnaturally
acute hearing, he would have been able to hear people coming before they bashed into him. However, maybe because he had been too engrossed in his book or because Sirius was remarkably quiet when he walked, the two boys ended up colliding with one another. Sirius, who had been dragging his trunk along with him, looking for a compartment, toppled backwards over it and landed flat on his back. Remus leapt to his feet with a yelp and helped Sirius up, who was bent double laughing. As an apology, Remus had offered that Sirius share his compartment and the boy had gratefully accepted. Over the years that followed, Remus' already secured soft spot in his heart for Sirius grew stronger, but he could never summon the courage to tell him. At the end of year party hours before they were supposed to be boarding the train, Remus heard that James Potter, a fellow Marauder, had finally secured the girl of his dreams; Lily Evans. The news gave Remus the confidence boost he had needed, and he had vowed to confess to Sirius. He didn't get a chance until right before the party was supposed to end because an annoying admirer of his kept stalking him everywhere he went, and Sirius was blitzed out of his skull on Firewhisky. Remus had managed to take him up into their dormitory, where he told him everything. Sirius had been silent for a long time, before he burst out laughing and bluntly told Remus that it was 'sweet' but he wasn't what he 'usually went for'.
The words and humiliation of rejection had haunted Remus the entire journey home, made only worse by having to sit next to the sleeping Sirius on the train. James and Lily were taking up the entire end of the compartment, and Peter was squished against the window. When Sirius' sleeping form had lurched sideways and fallen onto Remus' shoulder, he heard the boy's words echo in his head, and violently pushed the teenager off him. When the train slid into the station about a minute later, Remus was up and out of the door before any of the others could so much as get up. He was one of the first through the barrier, and had managed to get halfway down King's Cross before a hand clamped onto his shoulder. It was a rather moody looking Sirius, and he studied Remus for a long time.
A few minutes passed, and eventually Sirius' expression softened, and his hand slipped from Remus' shoulder. As he backed away, he muttered five words that simply tore Remus' heart into shreds. He spoke them in a shocked, almost disgusted voice.
"Shit, you're serious, aren't you?"
Said you'd never come back..
Yet here you are again..
"Yes, for your information, I was." Remus snarled angrily, pushing against the door even harder. He had sprinted away from Sirius, abandoning his trunk, and tore around the streets of London for hours before his parents found him, crying and shaking underneath a bridge. They had seen the amber glaze in his eyes and had hurried him home. They made it with moments to spare. The second the bolt on his door was slid across, the wolf blood boiled over and Remus half trashed his bedroom before collapsing and falling asleep.
"Rem, I -"
"Don't call me that." Remus ordered in a dangerous hiss.
On the other side of the door, Sirius flinched. The nickname was one he had invented for Remus himself, and he didn't like it when anyone else used it instead of him. One thing he loved though; Remus only replied if it was Sirius saying it. Anyone else would get a bone chilling glare. It was one special thing between just the two of them and therefore something Sirius cherished dearly. To hear Remus dismissing one of their special bonds with such venom in his voice deeply hurt Sirius in a way he would not have believed possible until a few years ago.
Because we belong together now..
Forever united here somehow..
You got a piece of me and honestly..
My life would suck without you..
Sirius Black had found one thing he excelled at more than anyone else at Hogwarts, and that was building a reputation. From his tough exterior to his brains and ability to get any girl he wanted, Sirius had managed his goal remarkably well. But there was one thing that he kept secret from everyone, even his best friends; the Marauders. Beneath all of his confidence, he was unstable. He knew that if his secret got out, the reputation he'd fought so hard to create would be destroyed in a matter of seconds. And that secret revolved around his best friend, Remus Lupin.
The first image he remembered of meeting Remus was a violently blushing face with magnificent amber coloured eyes. In all his life, Sirius had never had a moment where he felt his heartbeat stop, until then. He found himself becoming lost in the amber pools of Remus' glowing eyes, scouring them for all the different shades of orange, yellow, bronze and gold. The colours mixed together into a delicious shade that Sirius had been unable to find a replacement for since. Sirius knew from the first time he saw Remus that he felt feelings for the boy he had never felt for anyone before. And the fact it was with another boy terrified him.
For years, he kept the secret held close to him, confiding in no-one and giving away no clues. He knew that their fellow Marauder, James Potter was beginning to suspect things in their fifth year, though. It had been Sirius' idea that they all become Animagus to ensure Remus wasn't alone when he transformed. It was Sirius who threatened to curse Peter for the rest of his life if he asked the boy for help in the days before his transformation. It was Sirius who sat awake most nights listening to Remus to make sure he had a decent night's sleep. It was Sirius who watched the boy carefully at meal times to ensure he was eating properly. It was Sirius who, despite everything he had kept locked up, showed obvious pangs of jealousy
when a girl in Gryffindor began to show an interest in Remus in their sixth year end of term party. It had caused Sirius enormous pain to see Remus talking to the girl in a corner of the room while the party raged on around him. Unable to think of anything else to stop the pain, he doused it with alcohol. After that, the evening was a blur. The next thing he remembered was Remus saying the very words he had craved to hear over all those years, and yet, he could not shake the image of the girl and Remus sitting together away from everyone else in the Common Room. He assumed Remus was stringing him along, playing a joke, so he said exactly the opposite of what he had wanted to say. After that he had staggered back downstairs, finding it too painful to be in the same room as Remus, and had walked down to the train early. He had saved them a compartment and was fast asleep when the others arrived. For a long time he blacked out, and then something filtered through. A soft aroma of parchment that he knew could only belong to Remus. He shifted closer to the smell, not wanting to open his eyes and let the light of the day in, already feeling the throb of a hangover coming on. But Remus had pushed him away rather forcefully.
Hurt and confused, Sirius opened his eyes and saw Remus dashing out of the compartment door. Without wasting another moment and ignoring the agony raging in his temples, Sirius took off after him. He only managed to catch him halfway down the station in the Muggle world. Remus turned at his touch, and just like every time he found himself face to face with the boy's wonderful eyes, Sirius found himself becoming lost within them. Then he noticed something that doused his heart in ice. Tears were springing up in Remus' eyes, and he was trembling beneath Sirius' fingers. With a tug of horrible realisation, Sirius pulled his arm away and took a step back.
"Shit, you're serious, aren't you?" Sirius asked, disgusted at himself.
The love of his life had just confessed everything to him, only to be told in a joking voice that he wasn't what Sirius was looking for. Remus bit his lip and turned away before pelting off down the station, leaving his trunk behind him. The raven haired teen didn't know how long he stood there for, but neither did he care. The only thought that processed pounded in his mind worse than the headache.
He hates me.. He totally freaking hates me..
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye..
Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight..
I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too..
Either way I've found out, I'm nothing without you..
Sirius pressed both hands against the cold white door, and pushed against Remus. He heard the boy gasp faintly, before the door was pushed even harder against his foot. He winced in pain and leant his entire body weight on his palms, managing to bring the door back into the house by a millimetre.
"Remus, please.." Sirius whispered into the gap. He could see strands of auburn hair through it, and knew that the boy was listening. "I honestly didn't mean it.. I thought you were kidding.."
Instantly, Sirius wished he hadn't spoken. The door flew open and he stumbled forwards, his aching foot providing no support whatsoever as pins and needles began to stab at it. At first, relief soared through him. But when he saw Remus, that feeling was extinguished and instantly replaced with intimidation and shock. His amber eyes, usually so warm and inviting, were cold and steely. His mouth was curled into a menacing snarl, and the way his fringe hung over his face that usually made him look irresistible to Sirius now made his eyes shine brighter in an almost eerie way. Sirius began to back slowly down the steps and along the gravel pathway backwards to the end of the empty driveway as Remus stormed towards him, cold fury burning in his eyes.
"Oh, you thought I was kidding? Well I guess that makes everything fine doesn't it?" Remus bellowed furiously, still advancing. Sirius quickly felt the iron bars of the gate pressing into the small of his back. He placed his hands level with his head, palms facing Remus.
"Woah man.. Calm down.."
"No I will not calm down!" He screamed, an icy cold green glint appearing in his eyes now. "What the hell are you doing here? Do you honestly think you can just show up on my doorstep and expect to be forgiven? Just like that? Well I'll tell you this now Sirius Black, it's not gonna happen! You don't know how much you've hurt me already, so stop coming here and rubbing salt into the wound! Just leave me alone!"
Sirius stood stock still for a moment, before his temper erupted, and he was shouting back at Remus.
"What the hell man? I came over today because I was worried sick about you!"
"Yeah, that shows." Remus snapped coolly.
Sirius growled deeply in the back of his throat. He knew he should calm down; fighting with Remus was definitely a step in the wrong direction in making Remus forgive him. But hearing the werewolf accusing him of things that simply weren't true had caused the pain he had felt last night to bubble up again. And with no alcohol with which to dull out the pain, Sirius' subconscious had fallen to his only other defence mechanism; getting angry.
"If you really believe that, shows how much you really know about your so called best friend's feelings!" Sirius snarled, glaring into Remus' amber eyes. "I went out of my way to travel all the way on the other side of town to get here to check up on you, and how do you thank me? First, you crush my goddamned foot in your door, and then you go off on this huge rant! Well d'you know what? This trip was a total fucking waste! God, I can't believe I stayed up all night wondering where the fuck you vanished off to!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you did. Look Sirius, I've been you play this card before." Remus spat, his heart breaking all over again as the boy he loved so dearly lied directly to his face. "I've watched you perfect and hone it over the years of getting through every girl in our year. It's where you pick something that they're sensitive about and use it to your advantage to make it look like you care!"
Sirius opened and closed his mouth, at a total loss for words. He honestly couldn't believe Remus could think that about him. He had sat at his window all night long, waiting for an owl from someone, anyone, to tell him that Remus was safe at home. It wasn't until nearly two o'clock in the morning that his fears were put at ease with the arrival of a rather tired looking barn owl. There was a simple message from Remus' father scribbled on a sheet of parchment clipped to the bird's clawed foot. It simply read, 'We have him. Don't worry anymore.' But Sirius had been unable to sleep. He just couldn't rid his mind of Remus' tear-filled gaze; it was tearing him apart. So, just as the sun began to creep over the buildings near Grimmauld Place, Sirius snuck out of his house and began the journey to Remus' home.
"You think I'd do that to you?" Sirius asked, the fight having left his body at Remus' scathing words.
"I don't think it Sirius, I know it."
"So what am I doing standing here..?" Sirius asked, his entire posture slumping. "Why did I get out of bed at the crack of dawn after getting no sleep whatsoever to trek all the way up here and see you? Why did I flinch every time I saw movement in the sky last night because I hoped against hope it was an owl from your parents telling me you were okay? Why, even when I got this," Sirius pulled the crumpled note from Remus' father and waved it in front of his face, "Did I lay awake all night because I couldn't forget that face you pulled on the station? Why does it hurt when you start accusing me of lying to you and treating you like some little whore?"
As he spoke, his trembling fingers were unlatching the gate behind him. Remus stared at him, mouth hanging open but eyes still burning with anger.
"I -" He began, but Sirius cut across him.
"Because I'm terrified of losing you, and I'd be nothing if I'd never have met you.. Sorry it's taken me so long to tell you that Rem.. I just never found the right time.." Sirius said, looking directly into Remus' eyes for the first time that morning. Then, in a fluid motion, he pulled the gate open and walked away down the street, leaving the shocked werewolf standing at the end of the pathway.
Because we belong together now..
Forever united here somehow..
You got a piece of me and honestly..
My life would suck without you..
Sirius didn't know or care where he was going. It didn't matter anyway. He thought that confessing something that had been on his chest for a long time would leave him feeling elevated and happy. It was the exact opposite. He felt cold and vulnerable. Despite knowing that Remus had feelings for him, the werewolf hadn't acted on Sirius' confession. And to Sirius, that only meant one thing.
He didn't feel the same anymore.
Sirius' chance was gone. He had missed the best thing that would ever happen to him because of his stupid arrogance. He hated himself. He had nowhere to go. He didn't want to go back home because all that would be awaiting him was mouthfuls of abuse and insults. He couldn't go back, because he didn't want to risk bumping into Remus. He knew that if he did, the resolve he had left would crumble and he would completely break down.
He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and jumped when his hand brushed against something sharp. He traced his finger along it. It was smooth and felt cold on one side. Curious, he lifted the mysterious object from his pocket, and found a folded photograph.
Curiosity mounting, Sirius opened the Polaroid, and felt an icy stab in his gut. It was a picture of him and Remus. It had been taken last summer when the four of them had gone over to Remus' house to hang out. Remus had dug out a camera and taken several photographs with it; James and Sirius messing their hair up worse than usual and pulling the strangest faces they could imagine, Peter smiling awkwardly up at the camera, Sirius splashing James and Peter in the face with a hose he found, Remus chasing Sirius while Peter dived out of the way after he had got caught in the water crossfire, James leaning on Peter's head and the two of them grinning.
Remus had refused to get into any of the shots, saying he preferred to be taking the pictures rather than being in them. But when Sirius had slung his arm over the boy's shoulders and gave him the best puppy eyes he could manage, Remus had reluctantly agreed to a single photo. James had taken the camera and snapped the momento; Sirius with his arm around Remus' shoulders and the boy repeating the gesture to the raven haired teen. Both of them were smiling broadly at the camera, and now that Sirius studied the picture again, he could see a faint blush in Remus' cheeks. The moment Remus had shown him the picture, Sirius had secretly pocketed it. Now that he thought about it, he had barely looked up from that photograph over the long summer days he spent at home.
But then something horrible happened. Sirius had grown up knowing that people in wizard photographs did as they pleased. As he watched, unable to look away, the Remus in the photograph unhooked his arm from Sirius, gave him a heartbroken glance before walking out of the side of the Polaroid. Then, his little photographic self turned to face the direction he had gone off in, before placing both hands over his eyes and crumpling.
Sirius bit his lip and with a quiet whimper, he let the photograph go. It was too painful for him to look at anymore. The photograph fell with delicate grace to the floor, where it fluttered in a soft breeze and skated away from him as if it too couldn't bear to be near him.
"We look so good together.." He whispered to himself as he continued aimlessly down the street.
Being with you is so dysfunctional..
I really shouldn't miss you..
But I can't let you go..
Remus didn't know why he did it. The only thing he was conscious of was the goal set firmly in his mind; Find Sirius before he did something stupid. He had never seen the raven haired teen look as lost or as hurt as he had when he left Remus' house, so Remus therefore had no idea what the teenager would do. For a long while after Sirius had vanished from sight around the corner, Remus had stayed frozen in place, his mind chewing over the words Sirius had practically whispered before he had left, particularly the hushed words, 'I'm terrified of losing you'.
"Idiot. I'm not going anywhere." Remus muttered through gritted teeth as he tore down the street, thrashing his head from side to side wildly as he looked around.
It had taken precious minutes for the words to sink in. And when they finally did, Remus was hit with a tidal wave of emotion. He remembered with a horrible lurch in the pit of his stomach another card Sirius played in awkward situations; lying through his teeth. Remus' memory was flung back to the party when he had confessed. Sirius, who Remus now knew thought he had been joking, had lied to him. And that meant only one thing. He felt the exact opposite of what he had said, meaning that he did like Remus. The second that thought had hit him, the teenage werewolf raced back inside, grabbed a hooded jumper from the banister and left the house again, slamming the door behind him. He had vaulted over the gate and sped off in the direction Sirius had vanished from, praying that he hadn't Apparated.
As he continued to pelt down familiar concrete streets, Remus tried to ignore the growing ache inside his chest. He knew Sirius Black was nothing but trouble. He knew the boy's nature was to go out with somebody until he got what we wanted, and he would leave them faster than you could say 'Hogwarts'. Remus understood better than anyone else how Sirius' mind worked when it came to who he liked. But even so, he had felt wildly drawn to him, and he had been unable to fight it. Sirius had wormed his way into Remus' mind, and quickly became all he could think about. After taking his mind, he had focused everything on the boy's heart, and he soon possessed that as well. Remus still felt pangs of fury at what Sirius had said, but these were now being overpowered by his longing to see his best friend. He loved him. He could forgive and forget. The prime need at the moment was finding Sirius and putting everything straight.
Where that would lead the two boys, neither of them knew.
And Remus didn't care. He was only sure of two things as he reached the end of another street and turned around the corner; he was in love with Sirius Black, and it was physically impossible for the boy to detach himself from the one he loved. Remus knew that no matter how much Sirius annoyed him, no matter how arrogant or smug he acted, no matter what wrongs he committed now and in the future, Remus' powerful heart would always belong to him.
Remus started when his foot hit something that wasn't pavement, as it made a crinkling noise. Curious, he slowed to a halt and looked down. He started when he saw a photograph resting on the floor beneath his trainer. He recognised that black hair anywhere. He scooped the photograph up and watched.
His photographic self seemed to be stepping away from the edge of the Polaroid, and looking with intense worry at the Sirius on the other side of the frame. Remus' heart jolted unpleasantly when he saw the state the photo-generated Sirius was in. The boy was crouched, hands covering his face, and his entire body was trembling. Remus realised by the shock waves sent rattling all over his body, that he was crying.
"Siri.. Where'd you go..?" Remus whispered, carefully pocketing the photograph in his jeans and taking off down the street again.
Because we belong together now..
Forever united here somehow..
You got a piece of me and honestly..
My life would suck without you..
Sirius found himself facing a place he recognised by sight but not by name. It was a spacious park a few streets away from Remus' house. He held onto the bars tightly, the ice cold metal biting into his warm palms, gazing through the gaps into the rolling green hills before him. The park in itself was nothing special. About the length of one and a half football fields laid length ways and three wide, it was made up of sloping hills of grass outlined with a perimeter of trees. On the far end of the park, just visible through a knot of trees to Sirius' right, was a child's play park. It was not the park itself that had engraved itself forever in Sirius' memories; it was what had happened there just last summer.
"Oi, Pads!"
Sirius opened his eyes and shielded them from the sudden glare of sunlight pouring through the branches of the tree he lay beneath. James stood towering above him, face flushed but wide grin spread from ear to ear.
"What?" Sirius snapped, annoyed at being woken.
James frowned, before shaking his head.
"Evans is here!"
Sirius groaned. "Mate, she's not gonna go out with you. Give it up." He grumbled, dropping his head back onto the earthy floor and shutting his eyes.
"She will. It's just gonna take time."
"You believe that."
"I will. Moony's the one who told me to believe in it."
Sirius' eyes flew open again automatically at the mention of Remus' nickname and he sat up, but James was already storming away from them towards the other end of the park. Sirius looked towards where he was heading, and groaned quietly. Although he couldn't see anyone's faces, he could clearly make out Lily Evan's striking red hair. It was then that he noticed the black haired boy trailing after her, and he felt himself tense. Instinctively, he rolled over onto his other side and looked down at the ground. Remus was right where he had left him, fast asleep flat on his back at the base of the tree, several strands of hair blown across his face.
Sirius smiled softly, before reaching down and carefully brushing the hairs away. Remus stirred slightly in his sleep, but didn't wake up. Sirius watched him for a long while. He knew that if Remus found Snivellus was nearby, he would retract himself into a trembling shell. He'd never been the same around the slimy brat since the year he was spotted in his werewolf form. It was a moment Sirius had never been able to forget. It was supposed to be a funny joke, while at the same time an attempt to injure a kid who greatly annoyed him. But it had backfired horribly. When Remus had found out, he was a shivering wreck. And Sirius had done that to him. He had forgotten the boy's terror of being discovered, and used him as a way of fulfilling his own entertainment. Sirius had never forgiven himself for that, and the image of the sobbing, shaking love of his life tormented his dreams and thoughts for many months afterwards.
And yet, Sirius couldn't bring himself to wake Remus up. For the first time in a long while, he was having a fit less, peaceful sleep, and Sirius didn't want to disturb that. Instead, he shifted so that he was lying fully on his side and, using his elbow to prop his arm up, he held his head in his hand and watched Remus sleep. Sirius adored the way his pale skin shone almost in an almost luminescent light from the sun, and how it made his soft brown hair shimmer brightly. He loved the sound of Remus' calm, deep breaths as he slept, completely relaxed. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his mouth which was curled in a slight smile as he dreamed. Sirius couldn't help but wonder what the boy was dreaming of that had made him smile so beautifully, and felt a stab in his heart when he realised it wouldn't have been because of him.
"I really love you, ya know that?" He whispered softly, right next to Remus' ear.
The boy stirred again, but didn't wake. Sirius knew it was probably wishful thinking, but he could have sworn his smile had grown. He looked over his shoulder. James was easily spotted on the other side of the park from his messy black hair, and he was backing away from an advancing Lily. Snivellus hung directly behind her shoulder, and Sirius didn't need the brains he was born with to know James had probably insulted Snivellus, therefore fuelling Lily's lightning quick temper. A mousey haired boy had materialized by James' shoulder, and Sirius recognised Peter as he tried to calm Lily down. This only made her advance on him instead.
Sirius sighed, and turned back to the peaceful, calming image of Remus Lupin. He felt a dreamy smile drifting back onto his face. There was something about Remus that made Sirius smile, no matter how tense or annoyed he was. Just one look at Remus, and his defence would melt, and he'd end up pouring his heart and soul out to the only person he trusted to fully listen; Remus. Sirius stroked the side of Remus' face affectionately, being as soft and delicate as possible. If Remus awoke and saw him doing that, awkward questions would be asked, and Sirius knew enough about Remus' stubborn personality to understand he wouldn't leave until they were answered.
Checking over his shoulder again to check the coast was clear, Sirius confirmed to himself that there was nobody around for a distance. Turning once again back to Remus, he made up his mind. He inhaled deeply, preparing himself for what he was about to do, before leaning forward and pressing his lips against Remus' for a fraction of a second. As he pulled away and lay down, still staring at Remus, the boy twitched and his eyes flickered open. He blinked, and turned to stare at Sirius. The sun still shining on his face lit his eyes up even more than normal, and Sirius had to physically hold himself back from leaping on the werewolf.
"Siri..?" Remus asked, rubbing his eyes. Sirius' heart melted as Remus said his special nickname reserved only for the werewolf teenager himself.
"Yeah?"
"You okay? You look a little red."
"I'm fine." Sirius replied, feeling his blush gain intensity. As Remus pulled a confused face, Sirius once more had to fight against the almost overpowering urge to jump on the boy.
Sirius smiled sadly as his mind replayed a precious and lovingly savoured memory. It had been the first and only kiss he had stolen from the boy he loved; he had never got another chance. At Hogwarts there was always the threat of one of the other boys waking up and seeing him, or worse still, Remus waking up and finding his best friend bent over him. Sirius sighed, knowing he would never get another chance at fixing things with Remus. The boy not coming after him had spoken volumes; He totally freaking hates me.
Sirius had expected it to end up this way, but that didn't make the pain of realisation any easier for him to bear. With a
quiet sigh, he released his death grip on the iron bars, and began to walk away.
"SIRIUS BLACK, MOVE AND YOU'RE DEAD!"
Because we belong together now..
Remus stood at the end of the street, his arm aloft, index finger pointing threateningly at the black haired teenager a little down the pavement from him. He breathed deeply, trying to coax some oxygen back into his aching lungs. He had run all the way from his house to the first place he could think Sirius would have gone to; the park. Last summer, the four of them had spent the days simply hanging out together on the grass, talking and plotting about their next year at Hogwarts. Remus found it a relaxing place at any other time, but more so when Sirius was around. He just loved to lay there, resting his head on his arms and close his eyes, allowing the boy's voice to wash over him like a wave. He had just assumed Sirius would come to this place before leaving; it held fun memories for them and their friends.
Remus didn't know how long the two of them stood frozen in their places. After a while, he lowered his arm to his side, but his eyes didn't leave Sirius' back. He knew better than anyone how Sirius would react in certain situations. If cornered, he would attack. If humiliated, he would turn insulting and scathing with his words. If annoyed, he would forget clever retorts and would launch spell after spell at the person in question, mainly Severus Snape. But if humiliated or embarrassed, he would try his best to bolt.
"Siri.." The word slipped from Remus' lips before he could stop himself. He saw the teen before him flinch. "Siri, stay there.. Don't try and run.."
Remus had been trying to make the boy relax, but instead the opposite consequence happened. As if Remus' voice had reawakened Sirius, he began to pelt off down the street. Remus hesitated a moment, feeling the pain of this latest action etch deep into him. Quickly however, this dissolved into anger. With a quiet growl under his breath, Remus took off after Sirius, his mouth curled into a grimace.
Despite his slim build, Remus was fast. It was something he had never had to demonstrate at Hogwarts, and therefore it was something Sirius had never known about the werewolf. But he was finding out now. As Sirius glanced over his shoulder, he felt his heart jolt. Remus had already closed the gap between them by half, and he was closing in fast. Determination burned in his amber eyes, and he was already starting to raise his arm, fingers outstretched. Sirius felt something wrap around the neck of his shirt, and tug backwards. Choking, he came to an immediate halt, reaching over his shoulder to try and unhook Remus' hand. It was no good. Remus ducked out of his reach, swerved around so that he stood before Sirius, and pushed him against the metal bars of the railings.
Keeping his arms and body weight pressed against Sirius' chest, Remus stared up into the boy's face. He was breathing deeply, his cheeks a little flushed, and his eyes glinting with suppressed emotion. From Sirius' point of view, the werewolf before him wasn't even out of breath, although his cheeks looked a little pinker than they had before. His eyes were sparkling with anger and frustration.
"I told you not to move." Remus growled, pushing Sirius even more against the railings.
Forever united here somehow..
"Get off me, Rem.."
"Not until you hear me out, dammit!"
"Whatever it is Rem, I'm not interested!" Sirius yelled, pushing against Remus with all his strength. But because the werewolf's hands had moved to grip his upper arms, he couldn't use them to push him away and make a break for it. His feeble attempts were laughable, and in the end he simply collapsed against the cold railings.
"How can you say that? You don't know what I'm gonna tell you."
"Believe me, I think I've got a good idea. Thanks but no thanks. I did like you at one point but congrats, retard, you put me off you. Well done you stupid, arrogant bastard, you've managed to drive me away. I don't wanna have to hear you say those words to me, Rem.."
"And just who the hell is saying that's what I'm gonna say?"
"Don't string me along, Remus. I know how this is gonna end."
"Oh do you now?" Remus spat, anger quickly becoming difficult to control.
Instead of answering back, Sirius' body slumped, his black hair falling over his face, completely obscuring it from view. Remus, suspicious of the way his body had gone surprisingly limp, tightened his grip. He had never seen Sirius use this technique before, but he had a good idea of what he would do; pretend to lose the fight in him and slump, lure the other person into a false sense of security and encourage them to loosen their grip, break free and run like hell when their grip was loose enough.
"Let me go, Rem.. I can't stand this anymore.." His voice was so quiet, Remus barely heard him. However, convinced it was a cunning ploy, Remus' reply was sharp and snappy.
"And why would I do that?"
Sirius lifted his head a little, showing his shining eyes.
"Because every single time I see you, I want to do this."
Before Remus could stop him, Sirius had wrenched his arms out of the boy's grip, but he hadn't taken off down the road like Remus had believed he would. Instead, he had leant forward and pressed his lips against Remus'. The werewolf, too
shocked for movement, could only allow his arms to fall to his sides. Sirius sighed sadly, and slung his hands into his pockets, looking crestfallen.
"Guess this is it then Rem.. See ya.."
And he began to move off down the street. However Remus, burning with a new fire of hope, latched his hand onto Sirius' wrist.
"Get the hell back here." He growled playfully, before tugging Sirius back to him. As the boy fell against him, eyes wide with shock, Remus curled his arms around Sirius' shoulders and pulled him down before kissing him with such enthusiasm that Sirius nearly stumbled back.
When the two of them broke apart, Remus took Sirius' hand and started leading him back the way they'd come.
"What are you doing..?" Sirius asked, enjoying the warmth of Remus' palm as he tightened his grip on the boy's hand.
"Taking you back to mine. As far as I can tell, Pads, I got an empty house and you've got a hell of a lot to make up to me."
Sirius' smile darkened, and he fell into place with Remus. "Wouldn't have it any other way, Moony."
You got a piece of me and honestly..
My life would suck without you..
In Remus' pocket, the photograph was changing again. The photo-generated Remus walked the full scale of the Polaroid and tapped Sirius on the shoulder. The boy trembled worse than ever, but looked up. Remus fell to his knees before him, and gently wiped away his tears, a smile on his face. Sirius had then flung his arms around Remus, who held him as back even tighter. Once exchanging beaming smiles, Remus turned around and slid so that he was sitting between Sirius' legs, facing away from the black haired teen. Sirius then wrapped his arms around Remus, and the photograph froze in that position.
Several hours later, the real Remus sat up, groaning. Stifling a yawn, he wiped his eyes to rid them of sleep, and stretched his arms. As his memory replayed the events of the morning, he smiled widely and turned to look beside him. Fast asleep, his black hair a complete mess, was Sirius. Remus beamed, bent down and lightly kissed the boy's cheek. Then, moving slowly so as to not wake him up, he bent down and retrieved his jeans from the floor. He pulled the photograph out and smoothed it, beaming at the photographic Remus and Sirius' embrace.
With one last look at the real Sirius breathing soundly next to him, Remus grabbed a pin from his bedside table and attached the precious photograph to the wall next to his bed.