I've played through Dragon Age: Origins quite a few times. Four, to be precise, and in each one, I chose a different ending. Alistair and the Human Noble, Alistair by himself, Alistar and Anora... On my most recent playthrough, with a male Human Noble, I hooked up with Anora and recruited Loghain.

While I KNEW Alistair would throw a hissy fit at that point, I didn't anticipate just how pissed off I'D get at his pure selfishness. So, due to the fact that I was unfortunately unable to give him a piece of my mind in the game, I wrote this to vent. Enjoy.

"You can't just leave the Grey Wardens!" Aiden Cousland protested angrily. Alistair glared at them all.

"Watch me."

The look of shock on the youngest Cousland's face was a sight to behold and, for Alistair, immensely satisfying. When the shock became rage, however, everyone took an involuntary step back, even Loghain.

"You foul, self-absorbed son of a bitch!" Aiden snarled, meeting Alistair's stunned, outraged eyes. "Let me get this straight. After all those conversations about duty and honor, you leave when something you don't like happens? You put me in charge since day one, and after all we've done together, I make a pragmatic choice for the good of Ferelden, and you call it quits?"

"Aiden…" Wynne whispered, taking a discreet step forward. Morrigan looked as if Christmas had come early, grinning with no thought to dignity.

"No, Wynne!" Aiden snarled. He glared furiously at his fellow Warden. "You disgusting, filthy little hypocrite! 'Oh, Aiden, we have a duty to the Grey Wardens. But only if you do exactly what I personally think is best, otherwise I'll ditch everyone I care about because I'm a self-absorbed little prick who thinks the world revolves around me!'" Alistair's hands clenched and unclenched convulsively as Morrigan tried desperately to smother her laughter and Wynne looked helplessly from one young man to the other.

"How dare you-" Alistair started, but Aiden cut across him.

"How dare I? Really? Please! You put me in charge since day one! I'd been a Grey Warden for what? A day?" Alistair looked away from him, momentarily swayed. "And did I complain? Did I say anything? No! I just lead and you followed like the prat you are." Anora was notably void of expression, as if she wasn't sure how she was supposed to react. Loghain, along with the other nobles, watched with interest. Riordan sighed, obviously desperate to get this to stop.

"Please, both of you," he pleaded. "Calm down-"

"And, again, you're constantly pushing this idea of duty and honor and sacrifice in my head," Aiden continued, ignoring Riordan. "Did I get to look for my sibling? Did we take detours for me? Did you even care that my entire family was slaughtered less than a month earlier? Of course not! Because we had to stop the Blight!" The room was completely silent as Alistair was now sheepish and uncertain.

"Aiden," he muttered. But his fellow Warden wasn't done.

"And now, when we have a chance to not only bolster our numbers and get an acclaimed general on our side, duty and honor and Maker damned, fucking loyalty goes out the window for your own selfish, delicate little feelings!" Aiden reached for the other man, his fingers twitching, as if he was seriously considering strangling him then and there.

"You want to leave? FINE! Frankly, I'll be glad to see the back of you, you arrogant, hypocritical toerag!" He pointed to the door. "Leave my fucking equipment on the way out. They're for Grey Wardens, not quitters." Alistair, lips pressed tightly against each other, turned on his heel and stalked towards the door, deliberately bumping against Morrigan on the way out.

"Oh, yeah, really mature, Alistair. Way to prove Anora wrong on her 'He's too big of a moron to be king!'" Alistair's pace quickened. "And you better leave my shit at my room, or so help me, I swear by Andraste's flaming pyre I'll hunt you down at whatever hole you crawl into and pry it all off. AFTER I kill you!"

"I don't want your stuff anyway!" Alistair called back.

"Fine!" Aiden roared.

"Fine!" Alistair screamed, slamming the door behind him.

Aiden turned back to the crowd, which was either horrified or amused. He turned to Anora, who was pink with barely controlled glee.

"Now, my dear betrothed," he said coolly. "You were saying?"