LOVE
The night was rather cold as the two figures walked through the deserted grounds of Hogwarts, their robes protecting them from the mild yet chilling wind. It was late, or perhaps early, given the way the sky had begun to slowly, hesitantly brighten in the horizon. There was an agreed silence between the two persons, laced with a deep grief and sense of loss, yet hiding a glint of anticipation beneath. It took almost half an hour of sole walking and occasional sighing for the wizard to find the courage, and strength, to finally attempt to start a conversation:
"It could have been a beautiful night."
He regretted his choice of words the moment he finished saying them. He hadn't meant to be so casual, not with the things he'd heard barely an hour ago, yet he couldn't help it. It took a lot of determination and self- control to keep himself from grabbing his companion right there and crushing her in a tight, loving embrace, and he feared to lose it all with addressing her in a more personal fashion. The witch, however, didn't appear to notice his struggling.
"Yes, it could." She replied with a sigh, not altogether encouraging him to keep the conversation going. Remus Lupin, however, was not willing to give up.
"Are you cold?" he asked, grateful to have noticed a small shiver from the corner of his eye. "I can give you my robe."
"Oh, I'm fine, thanks." She waved a hand. He couldn't help but notice the slight stiffness of her tone, something that didn't suit her at all.
"I insist," he said, taking the grey, shabby traveling robe off his shoulders and gently wrapping it around her.
Silence had fallen between them once again, and he wasn't as determined to break it this time; she seemed to be too tired, too disappointed and sad to talk. It surprised him, therefore, when she picked up the line from where they had dropped it and asked, in an earnest, genuine tone, "Why are you being kind to me?"
"Pardon?"
"I asked you why you were being kind to me." Tonks turned her head to meet his eyes. "Do you enjoy it?"
"Being kind?" he asked, aware of the peculiarity of his question.
"No, I meant hurting me like that."
He was taken aback.
"Dora, I have never meant to hurt you, you know-"
"But you have, Remus. You know that I love you, you won't let me have you, yet you do such gentlemanly things that flatter me and make me want to punch you at the same time…"
"I-"
"Has it ever occurred to you, that it is embarrassing for a lady to confess her love when there is the possibility of rejection in the worst manner?"
Lupin paused.
"I am aware of rejecting you, and it isn't the least bit welcome to me either, but I never knew it was in the worst manner."
"It isn't." her lips curled into a small smile. "At least you don't shove me off. You give me reasons, although they are the most stupid reasons I have ever heard."
"Dora, they aren't stupid! I-"
"Has it ever occurred to you that I have reasons too?"
"Well, I'd like to hear them, then."
Tonks took a deep breath: "Too old, you tell me Remus, when Juliet lost her virginity to a twenty- something year old Romeo at the age of fourteen. And I know several witches and wizards who have a huge age gap between them, yet are living so very happily."
"THAT is your reason for-"
"- Too poor, you think yourself, when it isn't gold that makes one wealthy. Your personality indicates your wealth, which makes you quite a rich man. And even if you don't accept my theory, I must let you know that no young man is rich enough to provide me the living YOU can provide. I am not one for luxury, and I work and am quite well paid, so there's no need to worry about that.
"Too dangerous, you believe yourself to be, and I must say I pity your memory, because you seem to constantly forget that I am an AUROR, and your condition does not frighten or threaten me."
They had stopped walking, now standing and facing each other's moonlit faces. Tonks was looking tremendously beautiful, her long, mouse- brown hair falling around her shoulders, her eyes reflecting the last remaining stars in the sky. It took a lot of determination to not actually bite his lip in order to keep his hands to himself. Remus Lupin was not a pervert, yet not a single part of his body could remain indifferent to the witch standing inches away. And she had no idea, no idea, how immensely returned her feelings were, which made things a whole lot more difficult.
"So, as you see, there is no need to keep pushing me away."
"I never pushed you away-"
"- Well, I don't know what your definition of pushing away is, but you're not such a huggy bear to me either."
"Has it ever occurred to you that my purpose of giving you such stupid reasons might be something you haven't considered?"
"What do you mean?"
Remus took a step forward, smiling. "I mean, I am a friend of yours, it is normal for me to be worried about your health, your safety, your happiness…"
"Are you friend- zoning me?"
"No," his smile grew. "Because a friend shouldn't interfere when you find the thing that makes you happy. They will let you have it, unless it is quite dangerous, of course, but they won't insist on you having the best."
"So… you mean to say you're more than a friend?"
"Dora, did you mean everything you said to me tonight?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Just tell me."
Their eyes were now utterly locked, hers looking up, his down. Holding his gaze, she parted her lips: "Yes, I did." It was but a whisper, yet he found it very surprising that his heart hadn't burst out already. Remus brushed his thumb against her cheek, a successful attempt to soften her expression, his eyes glimmering with affection. "I love you too, Dora," He said "I have loved you for years."
"Wha-"
"I'm sorry I never let you know. I owe you an explanation. Will you hear me out?"
"Go on." she mumbled, gaping at him.
"At first, it was because I feared you leaving me. I wasn't aware of your feelings- I am half a human- But then you told me you loved me, and I must tell you I was so happy and surprised I could hardly sleep for days- and I feared hurting you. You've faced enough difficulties in your life; I didn't want to cause you any more of them…"
"Remus, you caused half of them!" she looked bewildered, taken aback, maybe a little angry even, as her eyes bore fierce holes into his, questioning him, and then her expressions softened again, quite unexpectedly.
"But… you loved me…?"
"Yes."
"You still do…?"
"I do, yes."
"You selfish, mindless prat." Nymphadora flung her arms around his neck, locking him into a tight, longing embrace as she crashed her lips to his, never noticing how her lover's self-control and determination shattered into nothingness as he enveloped her in his arms with just as much enthusiasm. And it was so blissful for Remus to feel the chains he'd tied around himself for months break, vanish, allowing him to finally truly hold her, feel her warmth and solidness against his own...
"I love you," he said again, when they broke apart. "I'm sorry to have hurt you-"
"I don't give a hippogriff's fart, you know." she smirked, still a bit flushed and wobbly from the kiss.
Slowly, hands joined, fingers intertwined, they continued to walk through the silent Hogwarts grounds, for there was much to speak of now. The pain of Dumbledore's death hadn't left them, but it had been lifted a bit, as if dissolved into their newfound happiness. And as she laid her head on his shoulder, Remus Lupin was reminded of a feeling he'd felt only once other than this, many years ago: to be wanted, and to want back: what Dumbledore would most accurately call 'Love'.