Disclaimer: I own nothing

The Life and times of a plug suit

An extract from the memoirs of Plug Suit 05 for pilot Rei Ayanami

When I was told that I was going to become a plug suit I thought to myself, 'Yes I can make a difference, there is a war coming and I will be there fighting the good fight.' Those were the days I set in my locker waiting for that proud moment when she would come and put me on so we could go out and fight the good fight.

I knew I wasn't the first I had to wait my time, there were others before me, but she would grow out of them.

The day that she first opened that door, I remember it as if it were yesterday, the light shone in from the room outside. It was the first time since I was born that I had ever seen light. It was truly a spectacular event.

How to describe it to another is always a difficult thing. The locker only allowed a small portion of light to shine in; I was placed on the shelf. Barely able to see the outside, I could hear others, muffled sounds; they talked about meaningless things and basked in the radiance that the light gave them. But on that day I for the first time saw what was beyond my door, this was the day of my rebirth. Imagine being in a room with a flicker of light, only able to see a little bit of whatever was there. And then imagine being able to see the world for what it truly is, the vibrant colours, and the sounds of others no longer being muffled.

And there in front of me was the one who I would accompany to glory, who I would be beside through thick and thin.

I remember the first time we worked together; you do not know what it is like when you finally feel warmth for the first time. Not the warmth of a fire, or the heat that came from being inside the plug. No the warmth that your partner shares with you so that you. It is truly something that one needs to experience, when every part of you is cold from the years of storage to suddenly finding heat radiating from every part of your being.

Every thought I had of what it would be like paled in comparison to that day. I never had the greatest imagination, and I always had trouble in finding the words that would best describe what I thought and felt. The best way I could ever describe it to another would be that of saying 'I was complete.' It doesn't do justice to that day, I don't think I would ever be able to actually do it justice, but alas I believe that I could ramble on about that moment. Always touching the words that would best describe it but never being able to grasp them.

I found that my partner and I were very different, I was excited, I was finally able to do the thing that I had been destined for, yet she took no pleasure from the duty that had been given to us. We were to fight a war, and yet it may as well as been just another day to her.

Maybe she had been doing it longer than myself, she had been training going through the events for years, maybe those that came before me were the same as her, maybe they were the same as me. I do not know, I never met my brethren. But I would do my duty; I would be there to fight when the enemies of everyone came.

We had long hours of tests, and simulations, all so that we would be ready for the moment that we were needed. I remember the first time I was bathed in that strange substance that filled the simulation plugs. It had such a familiar feel to it, yet I had never experienced anything like it in my life.

My partner took care of me, after every test she would clean me and place me back in my locker awaiting her return.

Every time she had left I felt a slight fear, 'what if I wasn't good enough for her, what if there was something wrong with me, what if they choose one of my brethren?' And every time she opened that locker to retrieve me for our next session I felt relief. I would be able to do my duty.

Then that day came. The day that everything would change. They were finally going to test us within the machine that they had built. We were going to activate the Evangelion.

I felt pride and joy, my partner had shown an indifference to what we were about to do. I remember it all so clearly, the waiting in the plug, the voices of those telling us that we were about to start. The voices counting off the start-up program, and then it happened.

The machine, the Evangelion had went berserk, I could hear my partners screams, the pain as the monster crashed around it, the plug being ejected. The loud rhythmic bangs, as something loud and heavy hit against the wall. The feel as the plug hit the roof, before making it's decent to the ground.

I do not remember much after that time, but I remember my partner's pain, it had seemed to dwarf my own. We were meant to be partners, equals, why couldn't I have taken more of the damage if it would have helped her.

When I was next aware of being with my partner I was not the same as I was. I was no longer complete; I was but a shell of my former self. And my partner was in so much pain, I could not bear to see it.

We were wheeled out in front of another machine a different one. We were being sent to fight; my partner agreed readily and tried to get up. I was excited, finally I was able to live up to my purpose, I hated to see my partner in pain, but this was what we were meant to do. This was what I was born to do.

But it was not to be, another had chosen to fight. And because we were injured he was sent, I was denied my purpose. We were wheeled out of the room to go back to the medical ward.

And now I know that my time is up, while my partner will heal, and make a full recovery I am to injured. The damage I have sustained to great, even if I were to be fixed I would never be the same. I was denied my chance to fight, and now I will never have it. I do not feel hate for missing my chance, if we had fought then there was a chance both my partner and I would die.

She will live on and continue to fight the enemies that threaten ever one. I wonder was this how my brethren felt when they reached there end. I wonder will the next be useful to her, I hope he is. I hope they will work well together.

A.N

Some slight fixes to the chapter, mainly grammatical errors that I found.