Andres Zepeda
Chapter one
What the Fuck?!
This is pretty much the end of my life. Not really. I'm here stuck in Uranus all alone and its super cold. Like a yeti in the glaciers type of cold. Yeah shit just got real! All these people are talking about me dying in sol 6. Like no! I'M STILL HERE. Make sure I'm dead then post a good photo of me in my Wikipedia page. This sol 6 program are assholes I mean can't you just go to mars and explore yourself? NO! They are scary people that don't have the balls to do shit! I mean imagine yourself stuck on a whole other planet that is actually -224 degrees Celsius. Yeah right. Crazy how the Ares 1 crew did all of this, piece of cake right? Well they just went to mars… That's nothing compared to Uranus. Ares 2, eh they just got some Dunkin donuts and a applause by the president. Ares 3 well that's me. Like, okay domo you're going to Uranus BYE! Basically my missions was to come here eat chipotle while on my mission and leave. It was fun with all my teammates, chucky, Santa, and princess peach. We had plenty of conversations while going up there. It took us 7.3 years to get to Uranus. Once we got here we first got on the bat-mobile to move around. What happened to that thing anyway? What sucked is that they sent all of the things we needed for the mission in advanced and once they were all here we were able to come but some of the shit got breached or lost so… yay. But the most important part out of all the supplies was the mushroom we had to eat in order to make us grow wings so we can fly back home...I miss home. I was highly upset when i found out that the gum turned out to be missing. The last thing I remember is chucky telling me to give him some toilet paper.. But that was way before I woke up. I hit my head pretty hard. I woke up to my suit beeping and all that annoying emergency shit. I woke up in a pile of ice, almost buried in it. I was so sure that I was going to die.
Chapter two
Feeling a little better now, compared to yesterday. The mission needed to last us 31 days and the supply probes had enough food to last us 56 days, so we had more than enough. On our 6th day that's when everything went to shit. Now that everyone is gone all this food lasts me 300 days so fuck yeah! I got food also extra suits that the other teammates left behind when they went back to wonderland. So I'm pretty much good at the moment, kinda. its super cold over here if you'd ask me. there's snow and ice storms that are all equally separated from each other but i have a good view on them. I've lost communications with the weather station so I'm fucked once again ! the good thing is that they left me with a lot of power up here so if i ever need to charge my gameboy i can. right now everything that's inside is in great conditions. my oxygenator is great, foods great, equipment great. but i have butterflies in my tummy because if my kool aid thingy breaks, then i have no backup and i love kool aid. But its whatever i can just pee and it'll make my pee into kool aid, hard to explain. Don't ask. So yeah everything is taken care of. if i eat a little bit of the meals i have i can make it last 400 days. Yay. i won't be starving to death so i'm not even worrying about that. but the little shit that can make my mission go into more shit. so i'm kinda fucked but then i'm not, get me? I've been thinking on how I'm going to survive but it's not completely hopeless let me tell you that. My missions at the moment is to find a way to communicate with the people on earth. I need to fix this damn radio, not sure how that's going to turn out but I can figure something out. The other mission i have is to grow crops in this bitch. It will be a back breaking work but I'm super sure i can do this. i can extend my life with these potatoes. They will at least last me 76 days.
Chapter 3
This fucking watermelon is acting up. Ok so I'm trying to grow this watermelon and I almost forgot that I'm on Pluto…DUHH. But I've been working on this soil for other crops just in case and it looks great! I want my watermelon though. The only issue I have is the amount of koolaid I have for these crops and myself is not enough. But it's ok because I can mix two potions: strawberry and h20 to create koolaid. YAY. Hopefully this doesn't blow up in my face. This can either turn out really good or really bad. IM making something that is similar to a fucking bomb! im not sure how i feel about this. it's ok it's gonna be fun!. Although i want to be blown up in smithereens… hmm. so far so good though. soil is all prepped. let start farming!
Chapter 4
ok honestly this koolaid pump is not going to be enough for the crops and myself. so my job is to make some more kool aid with those two potions i mentioned earlier ,yeah. ok mixing up these potions is very dangerous. it's a type of potion where you have to be accurate in measurement. this is serious. if there is too much water potion it will blow up. if you have too much strawberry potion it will blow up. this is a really long process that i hate because i'm just there like what the fuck i want my koolaid. luckily everything went well and i stored the kool aid in santa's space suit. just because his suit can hold more kool aid. the more the kool aid the happier i am. this sucks because i woke up from a sleep and noticed i left the strawberry potion open, yeah thats fuckng dangerouse.
chapter 5
In order to not make shit blow up i figured i should let the strawberry potion air out from the hab. this will be a huge help and will make the process go smooth. the only problem is when i let out this air it can cause the soil to damage and that just won't be pretty. i'm so happy right now, everything is going as planned. clearing out the strawberry potion from the hab is not all that hard. ill be fuckd ecause if i let out any oxygen this process can go kaboom. KABOOM! holy fuck ! i clearly almost died. again looks to me that everything survived, hey look at that: even the soil survived. could've been worse right? i shouldn't worry, all i need to do is get in touch with earth. this is taking forever. i'm going to sleep now though, while i can.
Chapter 6
OK. now that nasa knows i'm alive i want to go home now.. and be with my cat.
Chapter 7
Things are going so well up here, i'm pretty proud of myself. Now that everything is settled, there's koolaid i can use to help the crops grow, plenty of food for me, i'd like to say that it's peaceful up here. The watermelons are doing great! yay! think right now would be a great time to use the bat-mobile to go to ares four, i think i see ares four out, some distance away from me. This fuxking sucks because i can go there as we speak but the bat-mobile needs a battery change. luckily i think we have a spare in the supply room.
Chapter 8
I thinks it's time for me to get the bat-mobile ready. I want to be home already. nasa has been keeping an eye on me for a while now. i feel kinda safe knowing they got my back, well i mean despite the fact that my friends ditched me but it's ok. i don't see why nasa doesn't just send a little rocket ship so i can ball myself in it and just go to home. that'll be sweet! im assuming im all over the news and people are just shocked and want to see me. when i get to earth i'm going to get so much people asking me shit. i just wanna go home to my cat: snuggles and just cuddle with him.
Chapter9
8th day on the road and i feel ok. sirius four has been a success. imagine being stuck on pluto. Shit Sucks! i have a great routine everyday that i follow. i wake up and check my kool aid first, then i either take my morning poop or pee and lastly brush my teeth. let me tell you i've learn some great shit while being out here, i learned how to poop in a bag! that will help me in the future, i think.