The Power of Love
Author: Igraine Black
Beta: BurningTime
Disclaimer: Not mine, all hers; but if she ever stops wanting them, I wouldn't mind adopting them!
A/N: Many thanks to my beta, specially for that last line.
I used to love someone. He was the Light for me even if he would have killed me in a moment if he'd ever heard me call him that because, even if for me he was the Light he was the epitome of Dark and, in a kind of twisted way, he took pride in it.
I had loved him for six years, but through those years I could only be with him half a year. It was my sixth year and our whole relationship changed when he changed his job, not because he was suddenly a fair teacher- he was exactly the same bastard he had been the five years before then, but this time I was not the same student he'd had all those years. This was a subject that I was good at and was rather interesting for me and when it stopped being as easy as it usually was, I had to use all of my Gryffindor courage (or, as he called it, Gryffindor stupidity) and ask him for help. I wouldn't have ever done that for potions but I understood that I had to learn everything I could in DADA and master it in order to stay alive to find all the scattered pieces of Voldemort's soul.
The day I went to his office he stood there staring at me for a good ten minutes and I was able to avoid fidgeting the first nine, but in the last minute I couldn't help myself. I think he enjoyed seeing me like that, and in all reality he probably did. He let me stand there a moment before he ordered me to sit.
"What makes you think I'll agree to this?" and even though I knew it would take a while to convince him; I was sure I would, after all none of my worst scenarios had come to 'no' at the end, not even close, so I was really optimistic.
It took me weeks, as well as several more visits, and even annoying him every time I saw him in a hallway and no one was around, but he finally agreed.
We started meeting in the room of requirement which, even though I knew would give us the room we needed, surprised me when in addition to all the things I assumed would be there it also gave us a forest clearing, that after he examined it, proved to be the most useful thing there, I could learn and practice the kind of magic that the schools wards wouldn't ever had let us.
We spent a lot of time in that room and I can't even say when I fell in love with him, I just know I did. We became friends there, and then became lovers, and then came that fateful night when Dumbledore asked me to go with him… I knew something would go wrong the moment he made me swear and, Merlin, did it go wrong! The man I loved betrayed us all in front of my eyes in the most unthinkable way, by killing my mentor, guide, and friend in front of my eyes.
I knew he knew I was there the moment he entered the room, my cloak hadn't ever been capable of misleading him and whenever we where in the same room we each had a shiver run up our spines, and we both knew this, we had talked about it many evenings in the rooms.
I ran after him, called him a coward, and expected that he would say something that would've explained what I had just witnessed. He didn't, so after that day I stayed in a kind of emotional limbo, I knew what I had to do, I knew I had to hate him again, and even if I convinced myself and others that I really did, in my heart there was still hope that I would find out it all had been a ruse.
I started researching as soon as I got back from my aunt's, Ron, 'Mione, and I rented a place in a magical community and researched all we could about the founders artifacts still in existence, about horcruxes, and about the possibility of speaking with someone that was already dead. Because even if I wanted to believe we could do this all by ourselves, I knew that sooner or later we would need guidance and the only person I could think of was Dumbledore, and that's why we decided that we would go back to Hogwarts. We had a better chance to found about the founders there and I could speak with the portrait of the Headmaster, which even if it didn't know that much probably knew more than the living members of the Order.
A few months after we got back I couldn't help myself and went into his quarters. I had been there a couple of times, we usually met at the room of requirement, but still I knew the password.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't, seeing that empty room, without any trace of the man I loved, made it all much more real, and then and there for an instant I really did hate him. I hated him for the betrayal, for the murder, but above all I hated him for leaving me, for being able to go without a trace of doubt or regret, for being able to forget me like that.
That's why when we faced each other last week, I managed to stand still, I didn't do any of the things people were afraid I would do, didn't curse you, hex you, I didn't even punch you… and neither did I do the things I was afraid I wanted to do, I didn't kiss you, tell you I still loved you, not even ran into your arms and hold you, after five years of not seeing you, I managed to harden my heart even if I knew it wouldn't last.
I stayed where I was supposed to be, and did what I was supposed to do, I fought the maniac, and tried to stay focused on him, I tried to avoid fighting with all the other Death Eaters unless they were in my path.
That's how I found out the truth. When Malfoy stepped in front of Tom, just as I was throwing the Avada, you jumped in front of him, took the curse for Draco Malfoy and as he knelt down, forgetting all about the battle around, threw away his mask and kissed you, I knew then that all I had believed, all I had hoped, had been just a childish fantasy, and that's why with my broken heart I could finally kill the monster as I was meant to.
After all, Dumbledore was right; love was the power that the Dark Lord had not, only it was unrequited love. Sometimes, even now, I wish it had been a power that both Tom and I didn't know.