Hey guys! Amethyst here. And I have another installment of "The Greatest Fairytale Never Told" collection. It's based off the song "Story of My Life" from Shrek the Musical. This fic mainly focuses on the plight of being a minor character, and features some of my favorite authors here on fanfiction as well as myself. … To be honest, this thing is just kinda weird. But I love it and I hope you will to, so, here you are!
Through the darkness of the Shadow Realm, three torches could be seen. They pierced the darkness for miles, attracting the attention of every Duel Monster around. However, even the Egyptian Gods would have steered clear of these beings. They were the most powerful creatures in this universe: Authoresses.
"Right this way!" The leading girl shouted. She stood out starkly from the darkness, with pale skin and auburn hair that seemed like fire in the torchlight.
"Don't mind the darkness," another added, voice soothing, "You'll get used to it." She, on the other hand, fit in quite well with the darkness. Her short, inky hair was the same pitch-black hue. Her red eyes pierced the darkness, and she tugged her purple beanie closer to her face. The third girl only nodded. She had the most unique appearance. Though she was clearly human, those looking at her couldn't help but think of the Winged Dragon of Ra.
Trailing behind the three authoresses was a band of terrified-looking characters. They clung to satchels and suitcases that were clearly their only remaining possessions. They were an odd bunch, with few similar characteristics. Brunette with pointy hair. Guy with a luscious black ponytail and a dice earring. A smaller redhead with shaking hands. More and more followed, until a group of seventeen stood still. They examined their new home in silence. Tristan stepped forward first. He walked straight up to the authoresses.
"This place is a dump." With that, many of the others began to speak, babbling out protests.
"Yeah," Duke added over the noise, coming up beside his friend, "It stinks worse than season four!"
"Oi!" An annoyed shout came from behind him. Duke cringed. He had forgotten that the members of Doom had been dragged along as well. He slowed turned around and discovered he was face-to-face with three extremely angry motorcyclists. Valon bristled. "You wanna say that again, mate?"
"If you want to insult us, you could at least do it quietly," Raphael added.
"We're standing right here!" Alistair huffed. Duke smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, guys. I only meant-"
"Enough chitchat," the Ra-authoress snapped, "We have a fic to do." The characters sighed. None of them were really looking forward to it.
"Anyways," the redhead leader began, "I'm Amethyst, and this is Akayuki-" She pointed to the girl with the purple beanie, "and this is Ryoko." She jerked a thumb to the Ra lookalike. "We're here to help you all get settled. I assume you all read the decree and-" Tristan burst forward.
"Oh yeah, we read it. 'All minor Yu-gi-oh characters have been banished from further fanfictions. All placeholders and pawns will be sent to a resettlement facility,'" he snorted. "Please." Serenity walked up and tugged on Ryoko's shoulder.
"Umm... We can't see anything."
"BACK! BACK I SAY!" Ryoko shouted, waving her torch at Serenity. The girl stumbled backward, falling into the happily awaiting arms of Tristan and Duke. Akayuki walked over and patted Ryoko's shoulder attempting to calm her. The golden girl frowned, but didn't shy away from the touch. Amethyst merely raised an eyebrow before turning back to their charges.
"Alright, when I call your name step forward. Tristan, the lame best friend." Said brunette stomped forward, clearly pissed.
"I am not just a lame best friend! I'm a main character!" The authoresses snorted.
"Keep lying like that and your nose is going to grow," Amethyst warned with a chuckle. Ryoko looked him up and down.
"Or maybe your hair." Amethyst began laughing even harder at this, and gave Ryoko a well-deserved high-five. Thankfully, the remaining girl was able to stay on task.
"That's your patch of shadow down there," Akayuki informed him. He trudged over to where she pointed, grumbling something about stupid authoresses.
"Great, dumped in the Shadow Realm," he muttered. He set down his suitcase and sat on it. "Man, I tell you sometimes being a side character sucks motor oil!" He sighed.
"Life is disappointing. Woe is what I know. Outed by my hair, that just isn't fair!" He self-consciously ran a hand through his spiked locks. "Do the authors think I don't care?" He frowned. "It hurts." He sighed. "Who am I kidding? This is normal for me! Story of my life, I was nearly off a blimp. My duels are doomed to fail and I was turned into a chimp. That's the story of my life, oh yeah! That's the story of my life." He placed his head in his head.
"Strife is never ending!" Serenity cried, taking her place next to him.
"Ishizu Ishtar!" Amethyst shouted, calling the future seeing Egyptian forth.
"Banished from the site!" Leon wailed, hugged his Duel Disk close.
"Mai Valentine!"
"They dragged me from the 'Net," Noah complained. "And they used virus software!" He rubbed his arm. "Do you know how rough those programs are? Besides, do I look like a virus- DON'T SAY ANYTHING!" The kid snapped as Ryoko tried to hide her giggles.
"Fine, fine. But you shouldn't ask questions you don't want to know the answer too." Weevil brushed past her, not noticing the glare she gave him. He was all too focused on the limp form in his hands.
"They killed my favorite pet," He sniffled.
"BUGS DESERVE TO DIE!" Amethyst shrieked. Her eyes were wild and she was panting. The others, including the authoresses, gave her a concerned look; most were worried she was nearing a panic attack. Realizing her outburst, she cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, so... Anyway... Uh... LEON GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!" She shouted, trying to hide her blush. Rebecca sighed.
"They said my Yugi was gay."
"That's because he is." The group of girls responded without looking towards her.
"Duke Devlin!" Akayuki continued. Ishizu walked into the middle of the circle with her arms spread out. She began preaching like a new age poet.
"Life is but a vision."
"Why can't we be friends? Why can't we connect?" Tea pleaded as she grabbed onto the arm of the nearest author.
"AHHH!" Amethyst screamed.
"FRIENDSHIP SPEECH!" Ryoko cried. Both of them ducked behind Akayuki, who began rubbing her temples. Tea turned bright red.
"Okay, that's it! I've had enough of this 'Tea-friendship' bullshit! I don't only give friendship speeches. Remember how I worked hard and even risked punishment at school so I could get a job and live out my dream? Why does nobody seem to remember that? And what's so wrong with being a good friend anyway?" She took a step forward with each word, so that she was towering over the trio. "I am loyal and support my friends, and there is nothing WRONG WITH THAT!" None of the three moved. They were all too scared.
I thought she was supposed to be nice, Amethyst thought with a whimper. Serenity quickly ran up and ushered the still seething Tea away from the girls.
"Count backwards from ten with me. Ten... Nine..." Tea grudgingly joined in. "Eight... Seven..." Duke snorted.
"You think that's bad? They ridiculed my game!" The three members of Doom glared at him, still pissed off.
"They said that we were lame!" Pegasus broke through the two of them, wiping his eyes with a hankie.
"They put my toons in great distress, and called me a hot and tranny mess!" The four looked at each other, then back a Pegasus.
"Accurate." Pegasus huffed and hit Valon over the head with his handkerchief.
"Oi!"
"Weevil Underwood!" Ryoko yelled, getting back on task.
"Story of my life," The characters lamented together. At least someone understood them, even if it was only each other. "Booted from the tourney."
"The party's off the hook," Mako sighed. Everyone groaned at the terrible pun.
"But we're rarely in the journey! But that's the story of my life!" Akayuki looked over her clipboard.
"I think we got everyone!"
"What about me?" A deep voice mumbled. She screamed and jumped into Amethyst's arms.
"Oh shit," the older girl muttered, scared as well. She hadn't even heard him walk up. And, clearly, neither had Akayuki.
"Okay, way too close!" She shuddered. She had felt his breath on her neck. Odion merely looked nonplussed. Ryoko chuckled.
"Oh yeah, Odion! I forgot you were here." The tall Egyptian groaned.
"That's the story of my life." Akayuki, who had recently been lowered back onto her own two feet, waved.
"Have fun you guys!" All the characters gave them death stares.
"That's the story of my life!" They shouted. Okay, that's enough, Amethyst thought with a glint in her eye. She kicked Weevil off his suitcase and stood on top of it.
"And remember! If we find you back in our fics, you will be-"
"Executed!" Ryoko shouted with a mad look of glee. The characters gasped in horror.
"No, no," Amethyst corrected, "This is the dubbed universe." She thought for a second. "Sorta. But anyways, the worst we can do is send them to the Shadow Realm." Tristan raised an eyebrow.
"So we'll just be sent here. Again." Amethyst nodded.
"And it will be terrible! Mwhaha! See ya!" She and the other authoresses dashed out of the fic. The minor characters looked after them with envy. They got up, subconsciously forming a straight line.
"I always dreamed I'd get my very own fanfic," they chanted, as if in prayer. Mai crouched down, gesturing the others closer. She spoke to them intimately, in a tone used to tell a secret.
"And this right here," she pointed to the gloomy ground, "not how it goes!"
"I always dreamed I'd get an ever after. If this is it, it blows!" They shouted. And it really did. They hated this! "It blows!" They were never appreciated, written off as side characters so that Yugi and Yami could spend chapter after chapter making out! "It blows!" Tristan stepped forward, taking loose leadership of the group.
"This is worse than the time I had five guys inside me in the Virtual World!" He protested. The others nodded in agreement, but were clearly becoming resigned to their fates.
"Story of my life," they groaned. It was who they were. Who they always would be. "All the wasted prayers. All the broken dreams." For the first time in Ra knows how long, Shadi joined the group. But you know what? A handsome man in a turban can only take so much.
"All the pointless stairs!" he shouted. Those nearest to him stepped back in surprise. Tristan gave him quizzical look, but continued speaking. He wanted to see if Shadi would do it again.
"All the damage done!"
"All my Items gone!" Shadi countered. This time, the whole group spoke.
"All the shattered souls."
"And the Shadow Games go on."
"Testify!" Ishizu cheered, making the stone-faced Shadi blush. No one else took notice.
"That's the story of my life, yes sir. That's the story of my life, oi vey. That's the story of my-" They broke apart, marching back to their suitcases. "Life!"
Tristan sat down last. He only had one thing to say.
"Crap!"