He's put it off long enough, but he just can't anymore. There's a plan and this time, he's sticking to it until the end. No matter the cost, he owes that much. So Sam opened the confession booth and sat down. It was small as it was, but the walls seemed to slowly close in more. Sam took it as a sign to start, he has to do it. He has to.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been," he paused. His throat was already beginning to clench up, his chest too. "Well, I've never been. I guess that's another sin I should add to the list, huh Father?" He laughed, but it was an empty and hollow one.
Sam shook his head and threaded his fingers through his hair; he hadn't realized how hard this would all be. Every fiber of him wanted to jump out the booth now, but he didn't. He knew why he didn't. And the reason he didn't is the exact same reason he's here. Sam took a deep breath, "Sorry, that's not why I'm here today. We found the Demon tablet and I'm going to close the gates of Hell. This is the last trial, which means I'm purifying the King of Hell, Crowley. I'm turning him human again. But in order to do that, I myself have to be pure of sins."
It was all becoming too much, too fast. Sam squeezed his left hand as hard as he could, but this time, it didn't work. It hasn't worked much lately anyway, but it was worth a shot. "Father, I've sinned. I've sinned more than once; probably more than anyone has in a lifetime. But my greatest sin" he shut his eyes as tight as he could. He didn't want to cry, not here. But a tear or two slipped either way.
"My greatest sin was how many times I let my brother down. And it feels like no matter what, I hurt him more than the last time. Even when I thought what I was doing was right, when I thought Dean himself might have done the same, it always turned out he wouldn't. He looks at me different. He doesn't look at me like his brother anymore, and I'd be lying if I said it doesn't kill me at night sometimes."
Sam cups his face to try and calm himself down, squeezed his palm, but nothing's working. Why isn't anything working? "See, Father, he has more faith in an angel and-" he bit down on his bottom lip as hard as he could, drawing out some blood, "and in a vampire more than he does me. Now I know I deserve this, I do. But I guess I never thought I'd lose my brother the way I lost, Dean. And it's all my fault, because I wasn't there for him all the times he needed me most. And I regret everything, I'm so sorry for everything, Father. 'Sorry', however, doesn't amend the mistakes and wrongs I did him."
He had to stop for a few minutes because he couldn't hold back any of the tears anymore, and honestly, he didn't want to. Their dad always said crying was for the weak and pathetic, so Sam didn't see anything wrong with doing it now because he knew he was all those things. "I told Dean that I see a light at the end of this tunnel, and that's another sin because I lied. Because I don't, I haven't for a long time. Every day, I wish he would have left me dead. I wish he never sold his soul for me, I wasn't worth it. I'm sure there are days when he thinks the same now. But I won't make any of those mistakes again, because I'm going to see this one through, Father. I know it won't make up for all the other times, but I hope it's enough to make him proud."
Slowly, he stood up and took one last look at the walls before he walked out "thank you, Father."