Diamonds and Coal
Trapping water in a bottle keeps it whole, a simple, complete form, trapping River in one place used to suffocate her, time taunted her, hours bored her and the space itself pressed down on her. Familiarity only made her more unhappy and dissatisfied. To be lost was where she felt complete.
Born in the wrong year she would always trip on the people that she met. Either entertaining, frightening or confusing them, she can't help but dance. A chameleon and a dancer, she felt her role could only be short lived and dramatic.
Wild star light dripped down from the cargo bay windows, whirled furious circles on the metal floors. Once again trapped in a familiar place she felt the anger bubbling slightly, no one to perform for, she found reason to cry. Pulled apart the complexity of her current relationship and sewed in problems.
Mistrust of her lover, fabricating a scene that would eventually become reality. Did she create it? Plant the seed or fore-see it? Either way her lover knew this would destroy her and attempted to dig up the seed and kill it before it had a chance to blossom. But yet she stayed, she strangely enjoyed the pain, harbored the anger and grew it into her baby. Nursing it, she let it grow and would take it out to play and use as a weapon anytime she pleased; when the waters grew too still, when their relationship seemed peaceful (was it ever?), when her lover was comfortable.
And so the endless cycle of love, hate, pain, nightmares and love would take its toll on the people they were and slowly eat away at their individual happiness. Until one day River would maybe just leave as she had wished to do before.
Swearing never to return, to never again feel this hurt, and each time the love it grew duller and less shiny like a diamond turning into coal. Until she couldn't taste anymore, couldn't smell, couldn't feel, couldn't hear him say her name and relish the sound of it in his mouth, like he was speaking through honey. The only thing she did experience was sight, but what she saw was tainted in her mind and scriptured by her own expectations. Rare glimpses of the others stories only left her disheartened and bitter at her own in-ability to love, to be real.
Until gradually her lover taught her to love again, to be real again, taught her that it was only in her mind that the love had turn to coal. The arms that wound them selves round her were strong and safe and she once again found reason to cry for all the wasted time mistrusting and fabricating. Whilst she cried, her lover's arms become tighter around her so tight that she didn't know where he ended and she began and the hands found their way into her hair to smooth; whispering words of love in her ear that until now she thought were lies, wriggling in her brain like worms. Not now though, now they were like a blanket, wrapping her in warmth till nothing was the same, till she laughed more than she had before, till she became real and there was no desire to cry, no desire to hate, no desire to run.
The anger baby that she had grown withered and died and they buried it underground with the worms. She mourned it for a while, it had been part of her for so long, only until her lover planted a real seed in her, a seed which made her belly grow round till she thought she would burst and it made her glow from the inside.
The voices that were so loud in her nightmares grew quite then, and all she could hear was the voice of Life inside her. The Life came into the world whilst the starlight dripped, once again, through the windows, casting strange shadow patterns like ancient words on her lover's skin. The Life was known from that moment as Lailie, born in light.
Years later, River once again lay in her lover's arms, listening to the sounds of Serenity around her and her lover's words in her ear, whilst his hands traced patterns on her back. One day her body would wither and die, like her anger had so many years before, but now, in this moment, she knew that this was life, this was love and that she was real.
Life where there was once death, love where there was once hate, diamonds where there was once coal.