When you're in love with someone, nothing can change your mind. It's like a vacuum is sucking you in, and you try and grab a hold of something, or someone, to keep you from slipping into the abyss – you don't want to get heartbroken. But then your grip slips, and you're unconsciously falling, falling and nothing can stop you. There's this single moment of ecstasy where you're floating, defying gravity, and you feel so amazing, like you could do anything, and then you feel heavier, and suddenly it's like you will just keep sinking for eternity.
When I see them, it's that feeling, coming back blow after blow, my chest tightens as though I can't breathe and my mind seems to lose all train of thought. You want to savour that sweet moment forever, but then cold, cruel reality seems to just make you want to scream, because you can't have them. I feel as though I want to pound my fist into the wall in hysterics, it's too painful to bear.
You feel so much for them, yet in return they feel so little. You can't help but to want to be near them, with them, being in their confidence every single second. They are your light, your beacon in these uncharted waters.
Before now, I've had tiny crushes on guys I knew, but I knew my heart wasn't in it. They came, and they went, but I never loved them. When I say I love him now, people say that I'm too young to be in love, that I don't know how to love. When you love for the first time, you can do it so freely, so openly, because you've never been heartbroken, well that time has finally come for me.
I loved him so much, I would do anything to see him smile, to get him to talk with me, to confide in me, but that's all changed. The love that was so genuine, so real, was shattered, I was shattered. I had built up this whole world in my mind, a fantasy where he and I were together, and what it would be like if we kissed. But now, knowing that he does not have feelings for me makes me want to cry.
Like a child, I feel as though I should fall to the ground and bawl my eyes out, because now that tiny beacon of light has completely gone, and I will never be able to love wholly again. He will always be, in my eyes, the dearest soul to me. Even if I begin a relationship with another, he will always be in my heart.
Whenever I look into his eyes, those gorgeous, gorgeous eyes, I will feel that pain in my chest; that ache in my heart. He was my life, and now I have to try and rebuild the foundations of what has crumbled away so hopelessly…
Oh, why did you do this to me? Terrible fate.