Valentine Murder's
Disclaimer: If you read this and honestly think that I own Death Note, I have only one thing to say to you. You are obviously no L.
A/N: This story is totally ridiculous. It's written totally to be silly. I'm kinda fond of Misa's threat to kill all Lights girlfriends. It portends ill for certain holidays. Don't you think? Please R&R.
the news cast is in italics. Its what they are hearing on the television set. Please tell me if everything is clear to you. Some of this may not flow properly. Ah well. Practice makes perfect I guess. All I need to know is what everyone thinks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you an important announcement. We take you live to the hub of activity, To-uh college, where the prime suspect in the Valentine Murders case is currently being apprehended. Suzuki, can you hear me.
Plop. Clink, clink, clink.
Yes Bayako, I can hear you... although just barely. Its pure chaos at the university today as the police chief's son, Yagami Light, is being taken into custody this very moment. Oh! Here he is now. Woah! Did you see that! A young girl has just thrown herself onto the ground in front of the police. She's threatening to kill them with...What is that? Yes! Yes, I think it is! It looks like the up and coming teen model superstar, Misa Misa. She's threatening to kill police officers with a thin black notebook. Bayako, this reporter is stunned and awed by this charmer's abilities. He's obviously driven this poor girl mad.
Crinkle. Plop. Clink, clink, clink.
The police are stepping around the girl and are currently placing the young deviant in the police car. Such a shame. I hear he was at the top of his class too. What are children coming to today? Honestly. To think, this young man went on a killing spree, eliminating every single woman who gave him chocolate this year. Some are saying that he's a gay rights activist. Others are saying that he's a boy who likes to use and prey on women. Personally, I think that at this point, there's no saying what the truth is.
Suzuki, do you think you can get to Misa Misa and see what one of the few surviving Valentine's of Yagami Light is doing at the moment?
Hold on Bayako! I'll try. Wait, she seems to be coming towards me!
Crinkle, crinkle, snap. Crunch, crunch.
Oh! Bayako, she got a hold of me right now. She doesn't seem coherent. Wait! She's trying to take the mike...
Viewers! It's me! I'm Kira and I'll kill any bitches that try to take my Ratio away. I'll kill you all. Hey...give that back. I'll write your name in my notebook. I swear I...
Someone help me get this girl off me. She's obviously out of her mind. Geez, she has a grip of steal.
Is everything all right Suzuki. Do you have your microphone back?
Yes. I'm okay. You won't believe what I'm seeing. This poor girl just wrote my name in a notebook that's totally ruined. It looks like its been dipped in chocolate. She just keeps yelling that I should be dieing of a heart attack now. Obviously delusional. I see the white coats coming to get her right now. Its a real double tragedy out here today Bayako.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
"L! Please, could you stop eating for one second! This is horrible. My son is innocent! Innocent !" Yagami lowered his head into his hands, clutching his hair between his fingers in distress. "We have to do something."
"I agree." L stated simply before returning to his tea and snacks while sequestered safely in the depths of his usual chair.
"You agree with what L?" Matsuda asked seriously.
"Light's innocent."
Every body in the room froze, hypnotized into immobility by L's statement.
"You think he's innocent?"
"Yes."
"100"
"Yes."
"We're talking about Light?"
"Yes."
"You're enjoying this aren't you?"
"Yes."
Chief Yagami sweat dropped before jumping to his feet in exaggerated distress. "Do something!"
"Okay."
Clink.
"Do something other than drink tea and eat candy!"
After placing his teacup on the coffee table, L stood up and proceeded to don a beat-up jean jacket.
"Where are you going L?" Matsuda asked.
"To the police station. Bring the evidence will you?"
Everyone took a moment to look taken-aback. Of course they needed to bring the evidence. The chocolates had to be taken to the police station as soon as possible. It was only right that they hand them over to the police even though not a single one of them wanted Light to be in trouble. They were afterall the only link that connected Light to all the victims to die. Some of the victims had even come from different schools. They had never even talked to him before. Two of them were female teachers. Without the chocolates, there was no case against Light.
L closed the door quietly behind himself as the others went to retrieve the evidence.
Fifteen minutes later, L slouched his way out of his classic Royals Royce only to lean against the side of the car.
"Aren't you going to go in Master L?"
L spoke around the tip of his thumb, "Just a moment Watari." Seconds later, L's cell phone rang. Picking it up daintily between thumb and forefinger, the devise was raised to his ear, "L here."
Yagami's panicked voice barreled down the line like a bull in a china shop. "It's not here L! The chocolates are gone!"
"Ahhhhh." L removed his thumb from between his lips so he could more easily talk into the phone. "I suppose you should call the police and tell them that we have no evidence against your son then. Have Matsuda call actually. You call the press and try to straighten out Lights reputation. You can use a little manipulation is you want too. Its really amazing how the press jumps to groundless conclusions like that."
Without further ado, L hung up on the chief and proceeded into the police station. Easily, he breezed past the front desk and the ugly, low-grade cubicles that broke the middle of the building into sections. No one stopped him when he stepped into the back room, the room with all the jail cells.
In the dead center of the cell, in the dead center of the bench situated there, Yagami Light sat erect and at attention.
"Ryuuzaki." L let his eyes widen innocently at the perfect intonations of surprise, relief and indignation expressed by Light in that one word. "Can you believe this? They think I killed all those women? They think I meant to kill Misa?"
A perfect actor in his own right, L stated, "You didn't." His tone granted clemency, proclaimed a belief in the other's innocence and pronounced a question all in one breath. A lesser being would be lost on how to respond but Light was always quick on the draw. Nevertheless, L could practically see the gears churning in the other's mind. Right at that moment, L knew Light was seeking desperately to know what was churning in his the detectives mind.
Worry stamped with soap opera perfection across his face, Light demanded, "She's okay. Isn't she?"
L tipped his head down and rolled his eyes up as if he was trying to avoid speaking about a sensitive issue. "Insane asylum. Involuntarily committed. No need to worry Light. I 'm sure you'll be allowed to see her when we clear your name."
Lights eye's narrowed marginally but his tone practically dripped with gratitude as he moved to cling to the bars, "Thank God! You're going to try and clear me. With the best detective in the world on my side, I'm sure to be cleared in no time."
L placed his thumb back at his lips and started worrying it again in his time honored fashion, "Of course Light-kun. I couldn't leave my only friend in jail for crimes he didn't commit. But..."
Light sweat dropped and his eyes widened, reminding L that the chief really was Light's father despite the sizable difference in IQ. "But?" Light prompted with as much hesitance as anyone had ever heard from him.
L's childlike image clashed horribly with his words, "You know I never work without being paid."
"PAID!" Light gasped in outrage.
L smirked internally. Right at that instance, he knew Light was cursing him to perdition. It only made L admire him more when Light's words came out sounding more injured than angered.
"You want me to pay you?"
Still calm, L gave a reassuring smile to his counterpart. "Don't sound so hurt. I want to protect Light-kun. You would just owe me...a favor."
"A favor." Light repeated, gulping almost invisibly but L saw it. In response, a small wicked bent flashed in L's smile for a fraction of a second.
"Yes. How about 24 hours in which you will do anything I say? I promise you not to cause you any physical harm and not to ask you to reveal any secrets." another sinful flash, "Agreed?"
For a second it looked like Light's facade would crack under his desire to spit in L's face but he did manage to control it. L really was becoming an excellent reader of Light's expressions. As matter of fact, L was so good that he knew the exact moment that Light came up with an idea to stifle L's own plans.
"Agreed! L, I can't agree. What am I going to do? This will surely ruin my reputation. The longer I'm in here, the worse it will be. The only way the life I've always wanted could be salvaged is for me to get out of here free and clear as of today. Even you can't do that."
L simply looked at Light in feigned sympathy, "So, your saying you would pay to get out of here today with no evidence against you and no mark on your record."
Not stupid, Light sensed something in L's tone. Unfortunately, his back was against the wall and he needed someone good on the outside trying to get him out. Therefore, after a moment, Light sat back on his heals looking resigned.
L doubted Light was but he would deal with that bridge when he reached it.
"I Agree." Light affirmed in his typical, controlled voice.
"To what exactly Light-kun." L truly was enjoying himself.
Absolutely exasperated, Light iterated completely, "I agree to give you 24 hours of my time under your stated conditions given that you get me out of here within the next 24 hours with a record cleared of any wrong doing. In return, if it takes you more than 24 hours to get me out of here, you will continue to try and get me off the hook but I will owe you nothing more than my gratitude...Oh! And you won't terminate my position on the Kira investigation. Sound fair?"
L confirmed, "That's sound's perfect."
Looking friendly again, Light moved to return to his seat on the bench. "I really appreciate this L. I can't tell you how much. Good luck. If anyone can get me out of here with a spotless record, its you."
Light barely settled himself on his bench again before the door separating the cells from the rest of the building slid open with a harsh clatter. L stood patiently as the officer walked straight towards himself and Light.
"Light Yagami," the short, slightly stocky man stated, "You're free to go. There seems to be no real evidence against you. We've cleared your record and I believe your father is dealing with the reporters. I can't tell you how relieved the whole force is to hear about your innocence."
As the door to the cell squeaked open, Light stood stymied as he suppressed the intense desire to glare at his nemesis.
L's shy smile masked slightly more devious thoughts. Everything was going just as he planned it. Misa was out of the picture and the game was on again. The battle was between him and Light. All the extra players were on the bench for the duration. And most importantly, the entertainment provided during intermission was to be dictated by him...all 24 hours of it. This time, his grinned stretched wide in a chocolate-coated leer.