Discovering

Chapter One

Yawning and scratching his sides through his loose shirt, Soul walked slowly down to the mailboxes at his apartment complex. He took out his key and opened his, pulling out the small wad of crumpled letters and envelopes.

"Junk…junk…bill…Maka…." he said, flipping through the stack. The last envelope was soft white, and upon studying it for a second he realized it was addressed to him. Rarely did he ever get mail, and when he did it was usually something from the Academy, but this was a personal letter with no return address. Closing and locking the mailbox, he walked back up to his apartment, wondering who could have sent him a letter.

When he got back inside, he laid the mail on the kitchen table and then took his letter with him to the sofa. He read the address one more time to be sure it was correct, and when he had confirmed to himself that it was really meant for him, he ripped open the top and pulled out a small letter. It read:

Dear Soul,

From your soft white hair, to your glowing crimson eyes, I admire every part of you. I watch you from a distance, afraid and unsure, but now I want you to know that I am head over heels in love with you. From the first time I saw you, I was captivated. There was something about your mannerisms—the way you spoke, the way you moved—that snatched me up helplessly and held me prisoner. Because of this, I am bound to you forever.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

Soul slowly put the letter down, not sure what to think. Transfixed, he sat staring at the white square in front of him, reading it again.

...head over heels in love with you…

"This can't be real…" he said to himself.

…I am bound to you forever…

"Someone has to be pulling a prank on me," he sighed, folding the note up and putting it back in the envelope. He got up and walked into the kitchen, preparing to throw the paper in the trash; but, just before he did, he stopped.

I have a secret admirer, he thought. Cool guys have babes fall in love with them all the time, right? If this isn't a joke, then it has to be real, I guess...

He put the note in his pants pocket and walked upstairs to his bedroom, passing Maka, who was just waking up.

"Mail's on the table," he said, keeping his cool.

"Anything interesting?"

Soul froze, his hand seemingly glued to the railing. "No, why?" he asked defensively.

Maka raised an eyebrow, "Because…I'm just wondering?"

Soul sighed and continue walking upstairs, leaving a baffled Maka on the staircase. Closing his door softly, he turned and sat down on his bed.

It doesn't seem like she set me up for something. He pulled the note out and read it again, and then fell back on his bed, sighing. If this is real…it could get ugly.

The next two days passed without incident. Soul kept a look out for anyone who might be stalking him, and paid close attention to the behavior of every girl he came across. So far, not a single one seemed to be his Secret Admirer. They all acted normal (and some were even turned off by Soul's scrutinizing glare as he studied everything they did and said) and he hadn't noticed anyone following him. He began to feel certain that it was either a prank or his pursuer had given up.

When he and Maka arrived home from the Academy on Tuesday, however, he realized that he was dead wrong.

On the step in front of their door was a small rectangular box, with "Soul" written across the center in neat, feminine handwriting. Maka looked at it inquisitively, "Since when did you get mail?"

"I…have no idea…" he said, groaning slightly and picking up the box. Maka unlocked the door, Soul following her in, and set her things down on the table.

"Well?" she said, looking at Soul who was staring at the box in his hands as he stood next to the table.

"Well what?"

"Open it!"

"It's probably nothing," he lied.

"Oh, Soul, give it here!" she said, taking the box from Soul, who protested for a brief moment, and then gave up. Cutting through the tape, she opened the box and looked inside, Soul peering over her shoulder: on either side was a chocolate heart, wrapped in gleaming red foil, and in the middle was a small box of assorted chocolates. "What…is this?"

Soul stepped beside her and pulled out the items, wondering again who could be sending him all of this. A note fell from the underside of the box of chocolates when he pulled it out, Maka noticing it before he did. She picked it up and read it, and then began to laugh.

"Maka? Don't read that!"

"Too late; here," she said, laughing and handing him the note.

Soul,

You always act so cool and indifferent, your emotions never showing through your hard outer shell; but, inside, I know that you are sweet and kind, just like this chocolate that I know you'll love as much as I love you!

Your Secret Admirer

"You've got to be kidding me!" Soul exclaimed, "What does this girl want with me!" His face was bright red, and he tried to hide his embarrassed state from Maka, but it was no use.

"Oh, Soul, this is so cute!" she said, still laughing. "It looks like you've finally been able to get yourself a girlfriend!"

"Yeah, well I don't want one!" he shouted angrily at his Meister. She stopped laughing and looked at him, his lips almost snarling and eyes glowing furiously. "So quit gawking at me…go…read a book or something," he said, bowing his head to hide his flushing face.

"Calm down, Soul, I was just teasing you," she said. What's wrong with him? He always gets so defensive about these things...

"I don't want to be teased, got it?" he snapped, gathering the items and heading upstairs. Slamming his door, he dropped his book bag on the floor and set the candy on his desk. He turned and locked the door, and then collapsed against it, his back sliding slowly down the painted wood.

Why does she have to call me out about having or not having a girlfriend all the time? It's so frustrating! I just…want to be myself and love or not love who I want.

The crimson foil of the candy hearts caught his eye, and he reached up and grabbed one, unwrapping it slowly.

Whatever, at least I can get some free candy out of all this. He took a bite of the chocolate and chewed it slowly, thinking hard about what he was going to do. There isn't a single girl I know that would be sending me this stuff, and unless I have a crazy stalker who can spy on my from a distance, I haven't noticed anyone acting suspicious around me. Maka doesn't know about this, Tsubaki doesn't have a crush on me, Liz and Patty definitely don't like me like that, and Blair just makes her moves on me directly. No one's asked me about this stuff or hinted at me getting it, so I guess it's not a joke, so…who in the hell is doing this?

Taking another small bite out of the chocolate, he sunk further down against the door until he was on the floor, his knees close to his chest. He felt awful, not sure of what to do.

Whoever this is, when I have to tell her that I don't love her like she does me, it's going to break her heart, and that's the opposite of cool. But…I guess the real problem will be living all of this down. I mean, this is just going to make everyone so much more suspicious, and I know getting defensive with Maka just now made her wonder.

He put the candy heart back on his desk and wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them against his chest.

I don't want to hide like this anymore….

Soul sat, still and quiet, until Maka called him for dinner. Slowly, his joints snapping and popping, he stood up and unlocked his door, walking lazily downstairs, his legs stiff from being contorted for so long. He sat down at the table, letting out a soft grunt as he did, and then looked up at Maka.

"Soul, look…I'm sorry about calling you out earlier; I didn't mean to upset you."

Soul was surprised upon hearing this and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, bowing his head and looking away.

"I just want you to know," she said, coming over to him and putting her arms around him, "if you ever need to talk about anything—anything at all—I'm right here, Soul."

Soul reached up and returned the embrace, not sure what to do. He wanted to spill everything and open up his heart right then and there, but part of him was holding him back. "I…I'm fine…r-really…" he said, fighting back tears as Maka squeezed him tighter.

A lonely tear slid down his cheek, the hot streak burning his skin as it dropped silently from his face.

And then he broke down. Sobbing silently, he buried his face in the crook of Maka's arm, tears flowing uncontrollably from his eyes as he gasped and sniffed, trying to control himself; it was no use.

"I've been…keeping everything bottled up inside of me for so long, Maka, and I'm tired of hiding it all!" he cried, gasping between sobs. "I just…want to be normal."

Maka released her friend and looked into his eyes, "No, you need to be you. You don't need to be normal or cool and you don't need to fit in; you need to be the real Soul."

"But…the real Soul is…" he swallowed his words, not sure if he was ready to say anything yet. "Maka…please, don't tell anyone about any of this, okay?"

"I promise, I won't," she said, crossing her heart with her index finger.

"I…the reason I got so upset today is because…I'm tired of everyone always prying into my relationships…or, my lack of relationships, really. The real reason I've never gotten a girlfriend is because…I don't like girls," he said, his voice shaky and unsteady as the torrent of tears slowed to a stop.

"So, you're gay?" Maka asked, wanting to make sure.

He nodded his head slowly, trying to hide his reddened face. "Are you…okay with that?"

"Oh, Soul; I've been pretty sure that you were gay for a while, now. I just wanted to wait until you were ready." Soul sighed and embraced Maka, his mind sighing as the massive burden weighing it down began to relent. "I'm really sorry that people have been on your case for not having a girlfriend. You shouldn't care, though; you know who you are, and that's all that matters."

"You have no idea how much this means, Maka; thank you."

"You're welcome, Soul," she said, handing him some napkins to dry his tear-streaked face. "Now c'mon; let's eat before it gets cold," she said, sitting down next to Soul.

She piled a large heap of steaming hot rice and noodles on his plate and her own, and the two began to eat in silence, until—after a few moments—Maka began to giggle and playfully ruffled Soul's snow white hair.

"What's so funny?" he asked, smiling and wiping his face again.

"Nothing; it's just that I'm so excited to have a gay friend!" she said, continuing to giggle at Soul.

Soul smiled warmly, rubbing his puffy eyes. "Thanks."

"Can I ask you some stuff?"

"Sure, I guess," he said, taking a bite of his food, his face reddening at the thought of what questions Maka might have.

"How long have you known?"

"I guess I've always known I was different, but it wasn't until I came to the Academy when I actually understood just how I was different," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay. Have you told anyone else?"

"Feel special, because you're the first," he said, grinning, causing Maka to squeal with delight.

"All right, last question; and be honest: Have you ever…I don't know, done anything with another guy?"

Soul almost choked on his food as he coughed and looked at Maka, his face red. "Of course not!" he said angrily. Softening, he continued: "I mean, I've wanted to, but I've never actually done anything. I'm too afraid of what other guys would think if I made a move on them."

"I can imagine," she said, smiling.

"I've…actually been waiting for the right guy," he said, his face flushing a bright red.

"Aw, Soul, that's so adorable!" Maka said.

I don't know exactly how I feel about being called adorable….

"Oh! One more question!"

"Fine, one more," he said, waiting for her question.

"Are you a uke or seme?"

"What's that?" he asked confusedly.

"You know…bottom or top? Getting done or doing it?"

"Maka!" he said, realizing what she was asking. "What's that supposed to mean? What do you think?" he said, Maka holding back her laughter. "And why do you even know what that is?"

Maka couldn't take it, and busted out laughing. "Calm down, Soul; I was just wondering!" she said, leaning further and further back in her chair until she lost her balance and crashed onto the floor.

Now it was Soul's turn to laugh, as he cried, "Karma's a bitch!" jokingly at his friend.

This…feels so great. I've never felt so comfortable before.

Reaching over, Soul helped Maka off of the floor, who was smiling. "Thanks, Maka. You're a pretty great friend," he said, hugging her once more.

"Aw, you're welcome Soul," she said, letting go. "Now, how about we do our hair and paint our nails, hmm?"

"How about no."

Soul closed his door softly, turning off the overhead light and switching on the warm glow of his desk lamp. The red foil of the candy hearts again caught his eye, reminding him of his situation. He stared at the treats and picked up the note.

Wait…this wasn't done on a computer…somebody wrote this! he realized, noticing that the perfect font of the letter was written by hand. This just gets weirder and weirder…

Laying the note on the box of chocolates, he began to undress, removing his t-shirt and sliding out of his pants, throwing them towards his closet. He looked again at the candy and shook his head.

"Whoever this girl is, they're going to be disappointed, and there's nothing I can do about it," he said, reassuring himself. The warm covers called his name, and he reached over and turned off his desk lamp and climbed into his bed, laying his head down onto the soft white pillows. A gentle breeze caressed his face as his ceiling fan creaked softly above him, the rhythmic sound slowly lulling him to sleep.

And for the first time in months, he slept soundly, his mind finally beginning to calm.

However, it's always calmest before the storm.