Title: At Our Own Pace
Author: Here's Your Cheese Omelette
Beta Reader: Denise
Summary: Because plans, like ideas, can change over time.
A/n: Old, OLD fanfic. I only realized this, along with 3 other fics, wasn't uploaded now. :) Sorry for the lack of updates with my other fics. College keeps me busy and I had written this last year. ^_^;;; But hopefully, since my midterms just ended, I'll have inspiration to update my old fics. Btw! To the Spamano fans out there, I'm writing a Spamano one-shot fluff. :)
Everything would have been so much easier if it remained a game. But the game ended a long time ago, and there's no turning back.
Game over.
I had this idea that life was easy.
I had a plan, you see. A really simple one. I'd finish school, marry and have a few kids, take over my dad's shop and live an easy life. Something simple I could laugh at, and still continue being carefree.
I had this idea that life was tough.
Being born in the Mafia makes you think like that. It makes you angry and suspicious of those who get near you. It forces you to learn to fight and to fend for yourself, because no one out there would fight for you or watch your back.
Especially when you're unwanted like me.
I had a plan. I really did, but somehow my plans changed. Maybe it happened when I met Tsuna. Maybe it was when I learned how to wield a sword and protect my friends.
Maybe it was when I met these different people and fought with them as a guardian, and as a friend. Maybe it was when I learned to be serious because I now had people I couldn't afford to lose.
Who knows? All I was sure of was that I changed. And I wasn't so sure anymore.
I thought life was tough. I really did, but somehow my thoughts changed. The world seemed less bitter and cruel. It seemed more friendly and caring.
Maybe it was because I met the Tenth. Maybe it was when I learned how to fight for the sake of protecting someone else. Someone important to me. Someone I couldn't bear to lose.
Maybe it was when I felt my own heart melt, and learned to care about other people who became dear to me. And I to them.
Maybe it was when I found a place I could belong. Where I was wanted.
Who knows? All I was sure of was that I changed. And I wasn't so sure anymore.
Despite my slight alteration in plans, I still had a system to follow. I still had a plan. After thinking about it, it could still work. I could still make it happen.
Despite the kinder environment, I couldn't forget it was still the Mafia. I was the Tenth's right hand man. I needed to be prepared for anything and everything. I still needed to be tough.
Seems like I have to go back to the drawing board. My plans are completely useless now. He made them useless.
I care about him. Despite how often we fight, I know he also believes we're close friends. Really, really close friends.
Really close.
Once again, my thoughts have been proven wrong. He proved them wrong with that bright smile of his. He told me we were a team. That I could rely on them—on him. That I didn't need to put the entire burden on my shoulders, because he's willing to do it for me. To help me when I needed someone to watch my back.
He cares about me. He cares about me a lot. A lot.
And I like it.
I have a new plan. It's still fairly simple.
I will stay here. With my friends and close to him. I can't leave him alone. Despite the tough guy act, his armor has a lot of holes. A lot of holes. He's rather vulnerable. He needs someone to be with him.
I want to be that someone.
Simple, right?
I'm learning to trust people more. To rely on others and be able to show weakness. I'm learning that from the Tenth, and from him. They say that they're always here for me. I like that.
It's nice to just goof off, and get into silly little arguments. It's fun and relaxing. He's fun and relaxing.
I owe it to him, I guess. That I can smile more. The idiot. His smile is infectious. He's like a disease— a good kind though. The kind that makes you a better and stronger person after getting it. Not the unwanted kind.
Definitely not the unwanted kind.
Not that I'm ever going to tell him.
I care about him. More than I should. I keep thinking that.
It doesn't really bother me though.
I like how we've progressed. We still fight a lot, but he relies on me now. It's a nice feeling. To feel strong like this.
To feel needed by him like this.
I'm becoming clingy.
I hate it.
But it's unstoppable! I can't quit! It seems natural.
It feels pleasant and warm to rely on him.
It feels nice and safe.
That's not good.
I like him. I think I do. That's the only possible conclusion for my actions.
Tsuna asked me if I liked Gokudera. I said I didn't know. He told me it was because he noticed things between us. A lot of things. He told me what those things were, and it got me thinking.
I'm still thinking.
I'm done thinking.
Boss is right.
I like Gokudera.
I think I like him. Crap.
But it's the only possible explanation why I willingly become vulnerable with him. I tried thinking it was just incredible friendship. A great trust between friends.
I felt disappointed thinking it.
That's why I came up with the conclusion that I have a crush on Yamamoto.
Crap.
Crap.
Life is really meant to be taken easy. It won't do you any good to worry needlessly. Despite my earlier revelation, I'm good. I'm calm. Just taking life as I always did. Going with the flow.
I like Gokudera. I know that. And now Tsuna knows that too. I confessed to the Boss that he was right. But I wasn't going to take any big actions on it. I'd just do as I always did. And just watch as it happens.
I'll just see how this plays out.
I like him! I like him! I like him!
Crap! Crap! Crap!
This is not good! It's interfering with my work as a right hand man. I get jumpy and self-conscious around Yamamoto. I actually dropped a folder full of files because Yamamoto suddenly patted me on the shoulder when he greeted me this morning.
Crap!
So not good.
Tenth asked me if anything was wrong because I seemed occupied with something.
As expected of the Tenth! He noticed right away. I told him the truth since I needed the help anyway. I must've hit my head somewhere, since I'm blowing this thing entirely out of proportion which is something a right hand man should not do.
The Tenth just laughed and gave me a smile. He told me to talk to Yamamoto. It was weird. Almost as if he knew something.
Still, the Tenth assured me that this would help. So I left to talk to Yamamoto.
I met Tsuna in the hallway a while ago. He was smiling and his eyes were filled with glee. I asked him what was up, and he only smiled at me.
And told me that Gokudera wanted to speak with me.
Where is that idiot?
When you don't want him around, he pops up like a mushroom, but when you actually look for him, you can't find him!
The small exchange with Tsuna left me curious. He knew something. It was obvious. I should go find Gokudera.
Oh look! It's him.
I found him. At last.
Damn mushroom. I was looking for an hour! Does he have any idea how frustrating that is?
Anyway, time to get to business.
Breathe and talk.
Breathe and talk.
Breathe and talk.
Talk Gokudera.
Now.
Why aren't I talking?
Gokudera looks tense. He really needs to take life easy. Like me!
But I should say something. He's not really saying anything. Maybe I'll tell him what I feel!
It's time for some development anyway. This whole waiting for the events to unfold thing is taking much too long.
Well, here goes. It's now or never.
Hope the Tenth was right.
Let's see what happens, shall we?
"I like you."
A/n: Haha, the beginning is so misleading! XD But seriously, I wanted this to be serious and angsty, but ended up being cute and drabble like!
Oh, please don't hate me that I ended it there! I promise I'll have an omake up soon. A follow up, if you will.
I enjoyed writing this, so I hope you found this nice. Please review! Thanks.
Btw, I hope the switching wasn't too confusing. And I hope it wasn't too OOC. I know they kinda had the wrong personalities in here…
BC: /dies
I love your characterization! :D
Update A/N: Happy birthday to me! :D It's now August 7, 2011 and I'm legaaaaaaal.! Haha. :)