The woman in To-Oh's student café is being watched. She has no idea why. She's in a dark, long-sleeved dress that swims on her, and most of her hair is in her face. She's working on her laptop, with an empty coffee cup and a plate of doughnuts beside her. Not exactly provocative.
She's meant to be a wallflower. She's meant to be blending in. It's imperative that she does. But another student has been staring at her for the past twenty minutes. She even gets up for another napkin, to see if it's really her he's so entranced with, and sure enough, his eyes follow her, especially lingering on her pantyhose-clad legs. Then they drift up to her face. He smiles at her.
She looks away and sits back down, snubbing him completely. Snubbing should do the trick. He would not like being snubbed.
It doesn't work. She should have known. He comes over.
She types as if possessed. She does not want to be distracted.
"Hello." The boy smiles at her. He takes the seat opposite without being asked.
She looks at him coldly.
"Can I buy you another coffee?"
"No, thank you. I'm leaving soon."
He has to lean in to hear her; she doesn't speak very clearly. He doesn't seem to mind.
"What's your name?"
"Chigusa."
She doesn't ask for his.
He is looking at her curiously, and she keeps her head down, itching for him to go away.
"Have we met before?" he asks finally.
"I don't think so."
"You look really familiar."
"I have one of those faces."
"I can hardly see your face."
She doesn't push back her hair, or return his smile. She closes her laptop and wraps up the rest of the doughnuts.
His smile wavers. He sits back in his seat, holding his hands up. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. I'll - leave you in peace." He stands. But then he pauses, takes a breath. "Sorry. It's just that you really, really remind me of somebody. Do you have a brother? Or, maybe a cousin your age?"
She is grips her purse, willing him to go. Her palms are wet. "No."
His shoulders drop a little. "OK. Sorry. Stupid of me."
"Don't worry about it."
He still stands there, and she has to force herself to breathe normally. "Can I just ask you one more thing?"
She goes still, waiting for it.
"Are you seeing anyone?"
She blinks behind her hair. He's smiling again. She thinks fast. "Yes."
"Oh. For long?"
"A year."
He tilts his head. "Best year of your life?"
She practically glares. "Yes."
He offers one last smile, knowing when's he's beaten. "OK. Sorry. Enjoy your doughnuts."
She watches him leave. She doesn't breathe out until the door's shut behind him. Then she shakes her head, opens up the laptop to get back to work, though her head's swimming.
That had been too close.
When the doughnuts are all gone – she forced herself to savour them – she reapplies her lipstick, adjusts her pantyhose, and packs up her things to go. It's not entirely dark yet. She decides to walk to the taxi rank instead of ordering one here, to avoid drawing attention to herself. Students don't get taxis, not alone, if they can help it.
She's in heels, and the walk is further than she remembers. She can't wait to change her clothes.
"Hi, Chigusa."
She jerks around.
It's him again, smiling at her like he never left.
"Hello," she says when she's recovered, cold as before. "Can I help you?"
"I just wondered if I could walk you somewhere?"
"No, thank you." Her voice has slipped a little with her agitation, but he doesn't seem to notice. She lowers it again. "I'll be fine. I thought I made myself clear earlier."
"Sorry," he says again. He's smiling like he thinks she's just shy. He comes closer. "I just – I know it's dumb, but I just wanted to spend a few more minutes with you, because I know I'll never see you again. You really, really remind me of someone. Humour me?"
She swallows. "You realise how alarming and inappropriate that is?"
"I do," he says. "I'm really sorry. I never do this kind of thing. It's just, I miss the person you remind me of very much."
"Can you not contact them, if they're not deceased?"
"No, I can't," he sighs. "It's a very difficult situation."
She doesn't ask for the details.
"And anyway, we're in a crowded place," he says, gesturing to the campus crowd behind them, the bustling streets beyond them. "How could I harm you?"
She sniffs. "I sincerely hope you don't follow me home. If it comes to that, I will be contacting the authorities."
"It won't come to that," he assures.
She says nothing, but allows him to fall into pace beside her.
"Thank you," he says.
She takes no notice. She will not head for the taxi rank but the subway. She will go one stop, get off and get a taxi from there. She will not allow him to get off with her. The station's a little further than the taxi rank, all the way through the park, and her heels hurt. She glances at him resentfully.
"I didn't get your name."
"Ryuzaki. Rue Ryuzaki."
Her heel catches on the pavement.
He catches her arm to steady her.
"OK?"
"Yes," she says, recovering at once. She shakes him off, walks faster. This student is famous for being the school tennis champion, for being the highest scores in the country. His name is not Rue Ryuzaki.
He matches her stride for stride. "Do you play any sports, Chigusa?"
She thinks of his eyes on her legs with distaste.
"I run."
"Nothing else?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Just curious. I'm a tennis player myself, and I know a little martial arts."
She mumbles something vague.
"What are you studying here?"
"Anthropology."
"Oh? Are you on the exchange programme? I wondered why I hadn't seen you around. Still, you must keep a low profile."
"It's a big university," she shrugs. "A demanding one. I have to study a lot."
"Hmm," he says. "You'll have to excuse me, but I saw some advanced looking programmes open on your laptop. I assumed you were doing something…analytical. Or technical. Vvery high level stuff."
Her lip curls. "That's just – my budget keeping, as I'm on scholarship. I find such programmes more flexible than Excel."
"Ah."
They're getting in sight of the station now. She breathes a little easier.
"How were the doughnuts?" He asked her. "I've never tried them there. I've developed a bit of a sweet tooth lately. Is it the same for you?"
"Actually today was just a treat. I gain weight very easily."
He doesn't comment on this. "Is it your first time in Tokyo?"
"Yes, it is. It was very nice to meet you, Ryuzaki, but I'd really appreciate it if you let me go alone from here."
His eyes go wide then, and he drops the facade. "Chigusa," he says. "I have something to confess to you. I saw more than I let on on your laptop. I believe you're working with – with the person I've been referring to, who I miss very much. I would really appreciate it if you could pass on a message for me."
"You're mistaken, Light," she says quickly. "I'm just a student. I'm not working anywhere."
"I understand why you would be told to say that, because of the nature of your work. But could you please just tell him I'm sorry, and that I miss him? I hope you tell him that I'm sincere. Please tell him thank you again for what he's done, and that I'd given anything to see him again."
"I don't know what you're talking about." She starts walking faster and almost stumbles in her heels again. "You must have mistaken me for somebody else."
He catches her arm to steady her. "But so have you, Chigusa," he says, holding on. "I said my name was Ryuzaki."
She's still getting her balance when he kisses her. She puts her hands on his shoulders, keeping him at arms length, and she has the sense not to let him any nearer. His hands go to her waist, don't roam anywhere else, and she finds herself letting it happen, thinking, just once, thinking, what's the harm.
But he's nudging her back now, getting closer. He gets her against a tree, so gently she barely notices. Then without warning his hand shoots down, grabbing her erection through her dress.
"L."
L snaps out of it, and pushes Light back as hard as he can.
Light staggers a few steps, laughing with disbelief.
"You're unbelieveable," he says, shaking his head. "What on Earth are you doing? I don't know if I'm freaked out or turned on."
"I'm working, what do you think," he snaps. He adjusts his wig and his pantyhose. "I don't exactly do this in my leisure time. I'm not enjoying it."
"I can tell," Light chuckles. "You can barely walk in those heels. And you're blushing under your blusher, by the way."
L looks at him coldly. "And you've got lipstick on you."
"So have you." He reaches out and smears it with his thumb. He keeps his hand there, smirk softening. "L," he says again. "I've missed you. Where the hell have you been? Why did you cut me off like that?"
He jerks his head away. "I didn't come here to see you, Light."
Light ignores this. "What was the point in what we did if we weren't going to see each other again?"
"I think there was more to it than that." He puts his hand on Light's shoulders, to regain his space, and Light steps back obediently. "I'm working, Light. I can't talk to you now."
He takes out a compact mirror, ignoring Light's face, to fix his lipstick.
"I assume you clicked on the moment you saw me. What gave me away?" He asks his reflection. "I only had six doughnuts, not a dozen. And I was sitting up straight, I know I was. High heels will do that."
"You can't walk in them."
"It's difficult," he huffs, glaring at them.
"Looks it." He chuckles. "And most people just order one or two doughnuts, by the way. No, my first clue was that I couldn't take my eyes off you, and I've never been attracted to a girl before in my life."
L's hand trembles a little on the compact.
Light shrugs. "I guess the computer and the doughtnuts didn't help. But I just knew. It was like seeing a ghost. I couldn't think straight. I guess I should have bought you some cake. I thought you might not want to speak to me, but I couldn't not."
L swallows. "It's nothing personal. It's just – I'm not working in a very safe situation."
He closes the compact, and sees Light looking at his disguise with bemusement. It suddenly riles him.
"You should have said something at once," he growls. "There was no need to mess with me like that."
"I think there was," Light chuckles. "You cut me off, with no warning, for months. I think you deserved some punishment for that. And you were so cute and squirmy when I was trying to pick you up."
He steps in again, and L knocks him back hard. "Don't," he snaps.
Light laughs at him. "What are you going to do, hit me with your handbag? Hell hath no fury."
"I'm glad to see you've developed a sense of humour, Light-kun," he says coldly. "You're not as up yourself as you used to be."
He's grins, unoffended. "I wish I could say the same for you, Ryuzaki." he teases. "But," he adds, seriously. "I am pretty happy. I feel like I've won the lottery. I've hacked every police database this side of the continent looking for you."
"Don't say things like that to me."
"Like you don't hack things."
"I hack things for my work."
"Yes, well, I graduate next year, so perhaps then I can hack things for 'work' too."
"Good for you." He readjusts his wig.
Light looks at it, fascinated. "Is it uncomfortable?"
"Very. It's hot today."
"Hmm." Light moves in to kiss him again, and L still keeps him arms out. "Oh right, we mustn't mess up your make-up. Where shall we go? You'd better hold my hand. Trip in those heels again and your boobs might fall out."
"Are you done?" Ll says in disgust.
"Sorry," Light smiles, shakes his head. "But this is like some weird, wonderful dream."
L looks away. "I have to go."
"Come home with me."
He shakes his head. "I can't."
"A transfer student with a date is a very convincing disguise."
He shakes his head again.
"L." Light's smile drops completely, and L can't meet his eye. "Don't do this to me. You can't just disappear now. Disappear tomorrow, if you have to. But you have to talk to me first. Properly. You have to let me see you without, you know," He gestures up and down L. "All this on you."
L swallows.
"Please."
He steps forward to hug L, and L holds on to him, rests into it.
"Be careful with my breasts," he whispers in Chigusa's voice, and Light nearly chokes with laughter.
"What have you got in there, rocks?" he chuckless. "They could kill someone."
"Light-kun is a very sweet date."
He keeps laughing, and L loosens just a bit, enjoying the sound of it.
"Nice to see you've developed a sense of humour too, Ryuzaki."
"Oh, it was that or go mad," L says in his normal voice, scratching at the wig.
He lets Light take his hand on the walk to the station. It's strange, but of course nobody looks twice at them. He decides he might as well enjoy it. He leans on Light's shoulder on the subway, and Light puts his arm around him.
When they're in Light's apartment, Light uses L's impaired balance against him, and half tackles, half wrestles him into the bedroom.
"Are you always this rough with your girlfriends?" L asks him, as he lands back on the bed.
"No," Light grunts as he lands on top of him. "I've never wanted my girlfriends this badly."
He moves down L's body and takes off his heels, massages both feet through the pantyhose.
L sighs in relief, flexing his poor toes.
"It's awful being a girl," L informs him. "Those things are barbaric."
"But you have such nice legs for them," Light teases. He tickles his foot, making L jolt, and leans down to kiss his instep.
"Do you have something I can wipe my face with, Light?"
"I don't have make up remover, no. But hang on." He sits up and leans over L, digging in his drawer. He hands L some moisturising facial wipes.
"All gone?" L asks, after going through three of them.
"Yes," he says. "Much better." He pushes L down gently so he's on his back again. "You really don't look that bad, though," he says, crawling over him and looking him up and down. "Your ass looks good in the dress."
He pulls L's wig off and frees his hair, mussing it into its familiar mess. Then his hands slide under the dress and glide up to L's bra.
"Not a fan of these, though. Do you mind?"
"Please."
He arches his back so Light can get the strap undone, instantly loosening the hours of discomfort he'd endured. Light withdraws his hands with two small fruits in each, smirking in disbelief.
"Shut up," L says, before he can say anything.
He arches his back again so Light can peel the dress off over his head.
Light shakes his head when he gets to the pantyhose.
"You even shaved your legs."
"I had to," he huffs. "It was showing through the pantyhose."
Light cocks his head at the silk panties, raising his eyebrows.
L shifts uncomfortably.
"I couldn't get boxers on under the pantyhose."
Light shakes his head in bemusement, slides them off and looks L up and down. "Much better."
L swallows beneath him. Trapped between Light's hands and knees, he suddenly becomes conscious of his own naked-ness, his vulnerability, and the need to reverse their positions.
Light laughs as his head hits the pillow. "Reasserting our masculinity, are we?"
"Just making sure it's masculinity that does it for you."
"Oh, it is. Believe me." He pulls L down by his neck, nuzzling him. "You still reek of perfume, by the way," he says into his ear. "I think we need to shower you."
They're still awake, still in bed, when it starts to get light.
"L," Light whispers, in a voice dry with exertion and no sleep and what they've been doing. "I really am sorry for everything. Thank you for covering for me. I know it's an enormous thing you've done. I won't ever forget it."
L nods into him. "Can't hurt to do something wrong once in a while."
"It wasn't wrong," he says. "I'll make up for it. I swear I will."
L just nods. He's getting sleepy.
"It must have been hard. Telling the team you were wrong all along."
"Mm, it wasn't so bad. I'm used to not getting the glory for things."
Light is quiet for a while.
"L?"
"Mm?"
"If you wake up before me, don't…don't just sneak out, OK? I know you need to go, but- "
"I won't. I wouldn't do that." He swallows. "And I really don't want to go, Light. You can chain us up again if you like."
"I don't have handcuffs."
L smiles to himself. "So vanilla, Light-kun. I don't know how you can be attracted to someone as perverse as I am."
"Me neither." Light sighs. He runs his hands through L's damp hair. "How long is Chigusa's exchange for?"
"It's indefinite."
"And afterwards?"
"I don't know."
He sighs again. "Don't you ever get tired of it?"
L considers. "I've never known anything different. I can't really imagine anything different."
"It wouldn't have to be completely different."
L doesn't say anything to this. "What time do you have class?"
"10am. We could get some doughnuts if you want. Or I could cut. It really doesn't matter much, my grades are fine. It's not a terribly important term."
"Don't cut," L says. He squeezes Light's thigh. "Let's eat here."
"I thought you'd want to get all dolled up for me again," he teases. "I don't have any cake, but I've got fruit. And I can make pancakes."
"Man of my dreams."
Light chuckles. He goes quiet again, and L can tell he's thinking, not dozing.
"L?"
"Mm?"
"Are you from the Wammy House?"
L stiffens, his warmth evaporating like he's been covered in ice.
"I did some sleuthing," Light admits. "I still don't know your name, though."
"What do you know?"
"Not much. I was looking up past British tennis champions. It's a shame your trophy's under a false name."
L shrugs.
"Could you not pass on some of your work to the other kids at the Wammy House?"
"It's too much pressure for children. It's not fun. The first two kids after me tried to kill themselves. One of them succeeded."
Light squeezes his hand.
L squeezes back.
"I'll have to think about it. Maybe when they're older, if any of them want to. It shouldn't be so competitive, but it's not my orphanage. I donate to them, but I don't really have much say in the running of things."
"Maybe you should."
"I don't know a thing about children."
"You were one. You grew up in an orphanage."
"Yes, but I was…" He tries to think of the word, shakes his head. "And I don't know what a good childhood is."
"You know what a not-good one is, then." He draws L closer. "You should think about it. You know. Making changes. That could be better for everyone."
"Mm. Light?"
"Yes?"
"Have you been seeing anyone? It's OK if you have."
"No," he says. "I'm trying to be more honest person."
L nods. "What happened to Misa?"
"I left her the day we all packed up. I didn't feel good about it, but," he shrugs. "In another way, I felt really good about it."
"Poor Misa." He runs his hand up Light's thigh. "And poor Light-kun. You did lose, after all."
"Yes," Light concedes. "And if you stay with me, you can remind me every day."
His smile fades.
Light doesn't seem to notice.
"I'll just have to beat you at tennis instead."
L still doesn't say anything.
"What?"
He puts his head on Light's chest.
"I would have contacted you eventually," he says. "It was just – all a very confusing situation. Emotionally. I wasn't sure if I did the right thing for a long time. And the case took up so much time, all these other things piled up. Really terrible things. The months just disappeared."
Light nods into his hair. "Sorry." L feels him swallow. "So, what's happening?" he says, in a voice like he's steeling himself. "Are you leaving again?"
L finds his hand.
"What about your parents?"
He can sense Light frowning.
"What about them?"
"I'm not being Chigusa for the rest of my life."
Light relaxes once more. "I don't want you to be. We could tell my parents. I stayed in the closet out of my own prejudices, not their's."
"Hmm." L plays with Light's fingers. "How do I know all of this isn't just a revenge shot?"
"A revenge shot?" His voice catches in disbelief. "Really? You think I'm trying to get close to you and break your heart for revenge?"
"You certainly could if you wanted to."
"Oh really? Are you saying you like me?" His hand goes back between L's legs.
L lets it. "I'm just saying I know you're good at seducing people."
"You like me, L." He moves to kiss his nose. "Stop being difficult. And stay a student for a while, will you? I'd like to spend time with you on campus again."
"What for? Locker room sex?"
"No. Anything. I was kidding, I don't mind." He finds L's hand again, squeezing hard. His voice cracks. "Just don't – "
L kisses him as he chokes up.
"I won't," he says. "I was teasing you. I've missed you too. I need to finish what I'm doing, but I'll – I'll be around. And then we can…" he breathes in, not knowing how to put it. "You know."
Light nods again. He falls asleep still squeezing L's hand.
When this case is over, L has a small bonfire for Chigusa's clothes, for personal reasons as well as practical ones. He never wants to see a pair of heels again for as long as he lives.
"I thought you'd have kept the purse," Light teases, as the monstrosity begins to curl in the flames. "It was your colour."
"I'll buy you your own if you're so taken with them."
Light laughs, snakes his arms around his waist.
"My father wants to see you again, when you're ready," he says. "And don't worry, he doesn't know about this." He nods at the flames.
"Fine." L relaxes back into him. "Watari sends his regards. He's delighted for me. I don't think he wanted me to be alone forever."
Light kisses his hair
They watch the flames with a sense of déjà vu neither of them mention.
L squeezes Light's hand.
"Want to get some cake now?"