Title: Voices
Rating: Always the same…this is rated M. This material may not be suitable for children under the age of 18, reader discretion is advised.
Word Count: This thing is a monster…6,420 words not including the A/N's.
Beta: My Beta Mistress: baileymermaid95. Who is seriously awesome and puts up with my random nicknames ^_^
Dedication: To DooomWolf's dish towel…we barely knew thee.
A/N: The very lovely DooomWolfwanted an AkuRoku and so I delivered. I believe I put in all the things you asked (which were extremely random btw).
This story may be a bit hard to read if you know someone who has schizophrenia or if you yourself are schizophrenic. I do mean to offend anyone with this. I tried to make it as real as I could with the limited knowledge I have about schizophrenia. I'm a psych major but I only have a general idea of the disorder. This is a work of FICTION keep that in mind while reading.
OoO-oOo
They met completely by chance.
Axel's flat-mates claimed he never left the house, so they dragged him to the nearest library. "Ugh, why are we here?" the redhead whined as they walked the aisles of books.
"Zexy wanted to get another one of his fancy schmancy psychology books," Demyx said, happily holding Zexion's hand. The two had been dating since freshman year; it sickened Axel how cute they were at times.
"Dude, you are so whipped." Axel joked earning a poke in the side.
"I may be whipped, but you're alone and bitter." Demyx said with a smirk. Axel laughed off the insult.
"Well I wouldn't be if you guys would just let me join in." he said wiggling his eyebrows.
Demyx laughed and pushed him away while Zexion possessively grabbed Demyx's waist pulling the blonde closer, the action screaming 'Mine'.
"Axel, I suggest you go find some really good porn because that will never happen." Zexion said shortly, his arm still around Demyx.
Axel just smirked, "That sounds like a good idea Zexy!" The redhead said as he walked away.
Walking down the aisles, Axel decided he might as well find something interesting to read, and maybe find some good yaoi manga since he was here. Glancing at the shelves of books, a flash of gold caught his attention.
Turning his head, Axel saw a boy, judging by his height in his late teens, scanning the shelves. It sounded the boy was mumbling to himself.
Axel watched him, entranced.
The teen had on a pair of tight fitting jeans that hugged every muscle in his calves and thighs. 'God he has a nice ass.' Axel thought as he openly stared.
Almost as if he felt Axel's eyes, the teen turned.
When Axel saw his face, the first thing he thought was, "Aww". The kid was ridiculously cute with his wide baby blue eyes and pouty pink lips; Axel briefly wondered what they would look like wrapped around his cock, but quickly shook his head of those thoughts. 'I need to get laid,' he thought miserably.
The teen looked back, his eyes darting back and forth like a caged animal. His lips barely moving as he whispered to himself.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. It's just…damn boy. How'd you get in those jeans?" 'And can I get in them too?' Axel added mentally.
The blonde frowned at him. "The same way you got into yours I suppose," he said, turning back to the books in front of him. Axel smirked and stood next to the teen, who looked up at him.
"I'm Axel!" he said holding his hand out to shake.
Don't shake it. No, no bad. He wants your heart. He's going to take it from you. He's part of the Organization. They sent him to get you. Run away. Hurry, hurry get away. Don't do it. Roxas don't do it. You'll be sorry. You have to protect yourself! (1)
"Roxas," the blonde said shaking his hand.
After that strange meeting, Roxas seemed to pop up all over town.
Axel would be at the grocery store, or the bank, and there was Roxas. Some days the blonde greeted him warmly, while others he was full of suspicion. Axel finally asked the blonde if he wanted to hang out sometime. Luckily for him, Roxas was having one of his friendly days and agreed.
They have been inseparable since.
OoO-oOo
Roxas was… for lack of a better word, odd.
The blonde was always anxious to the point where it got annoying. They could be doing anything and the blonde would find something to worry about. Crossing the street was dangerous; drivers don't pay attention to anyone. Cooking caused fires, but there could be something in the takeout. It was never ending.
He was always disorganized, making Axel wonder how the teen could function. Whenever they made plans, Axel had to be sure to tell Roxas step by step what to do and how to do it.
During this time, Roxas could get angry. He would yell at Axel saying he could handle himself. He didn't need anyone, he could do it himself.
Then there would be times when Axel was sure the blonde was in his own little world. They would be at Axel's place and the blonde would just sit in a corner scribbling furiously in the notebook he carried around with him everywhere, mumbling to himself.
Whenever he would ask about it, Roxas would crawl further into himself. He would just stare at Axel as if he were some code that he just had to decipher. Other times he would flat out deny ever doing such things. Once he got violent, yelling and swinging at Axel. Sometimes he even got up and left.
Axel learned not to question Roxas about it.
OoO-oOo
It was their tradition.
Every other Saturday they would sit on Axel's couch watching old B rated horror movies with Demyx and Zexion.
The blonde was finally comfortable with the other two men after spending numerous weeks avoiding them.
Axel got up to get a drink, asking if anyone needed something from the kitchen. Receiving a negative, he made his way to the kitchen. Grabbing a drink and some sea-salt ice cream for Roxas, Axel turned and nearly collided with Zexion.
"Jesus man!" Axel yelled clutching his chest. "Make some noise when you walk! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
Zexion shrugged, used to people accusing him of this. "I need to talk to you," he said plainly.
Axel nodded, thinking the periwinkle haired man was worried about his and Demyx's upcoming anniversary.
Walking into the living room, he handed Roxas his beloved treat and motioned for Zexion to follow him to his room where they could have some privacy.
Axel plopped onto his bed and motioned for Zexion to talk. "What's up Zex? Worried about Demyx's present? I can't help you with this every year man."
Zexion looked confused for a second –well as confused as Zexion could look since he tended not to vary from his standard apathetic facial expression-then shook his head. "I got his present a month ago. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about, it's Roxas."
Axel sat up and raised one crimson eyebrow, "What about him?"
"He's schizophrenic."
Axel frowned, "The fuck dude? If you don't like him, just say that. There's no need to be a dick."
Zexion rolled his eyes, "No, dumbass. I mean he's actually schizophrenic. Like his psychiatrist diagnosed him."
Axel shook his head. "And how would you know that?"
"I'm a psych major idiot. I study this kind of behavior. He is with little doubt a paranoid schizophrenic."
"He would have told me if he was. I mean, he tells me everything," Axel said ardently.
Zexion shook his head, "No he wouldn't. Nobody would admit to that. He has a mental disorder. And maybe he was told not to tell anyone."
Axel snorted, "Told by whom? Wouldn't a doctor want him to own up to it?"
"The voices he hears in his head."
Axel was silent at that. What if Roxas, his Roxas, was crazy? 'It doesn't matter. You liked him before you found out, why should this change the way you see him.' He thought to himself.
Axel, so deep in thought, didn't realize Zexion had left the room
OoO-oOo
Roxas made the first move.
They were lying in Axel's bed, curled up around each other watching True Blood when Roxas kissed him.
It was a short, hesitant kiss, as if Roxas wasn't sure if he should be doing it. When Axel cupped the back of his head to pull the blonde closer to him, Roxas moaned.
The kiss was sloppy and full of teeth…Axel wouldn't have had it any other way. He pulled the blonde on top of him, his fingers dancing over those pale shoulders and back. Roxas arched his body, pressing their groins together, causing Axel to hiss and nip at his bottom lip.
Roxas clawed at Axel's shirt, wanting the offending material off. The redhead chuckled deeply when Roxas whined; from his position on his back the shirt wouldn't move past his bellybutton. He pushed Roxas off him so he could sit up and remove it.
Roxas groaned at the sight of Axel's half naked body. He left a trail of open mouthed kisses down his collarbone, making sure to leave small bites here and there; he wanted everyone to know this was his.
Reaching a pierced nipple Roxas smiled. "Kinky," he said, and before Axel could retort the blonde took the hoop between his teeth and pulled causing Axel's back to arch and a moan to tear from his throat.
Roxas kept up his assault on Axel's body, enjoying the breathless cries of his name from those beautiful lips.
Axel found he liked an aggressive Roxas.
When he tried to sit up and take off Roxas shirt, he was pushed back into the mattress. "Don't move," he was ordered and Axel couldn't help but obey. The commanding tone in the blonde's voice made a shiver go up his spine.
Roxas made quick work of their clothing, Axel marveled at all of the pale skin presented to him. He reached up and pulled Roxas towards him, bringing their bodies as close as possible causing them both to moan. Skin on skin. Wonderful friction.
Axel was in heaven.
"Where do you have the stuff at?" Roxas asked as he stroked Axel's length lazily and nipped at creamy thigh. It took a moment for the words to pierce the fog of pleasure surrounding Axel.
He reached over to the nightstand by this bed and fumbled blindly for the items they would need. He handed them to Roxas as his hips rocked in time with Roxas' strokes.
He heard a cap being popped open and the tell-tale sound of lube being squirted out of the bottle before he felt two fingers circling his entrance.
Axel thrust his hips up trying to take those teasing digits inside him. He heard Roxas chuckle and lean forward. The blonde bit his ear. "I'm going to make you feel so good baby," he said teasingly. Roxas then pushed his teasing fingers inside the whining redhead. Axel moaned out loud and thrust his hips back onto those fingers.
Roxas placed a hand down on Axel's solar plexus, holding him down. His fingers moved in and out of the body before him, stretching the redhead; scissoring the muscle to make penetration easier. He hooked his fingers and Axel let out a guttural moan when the fingers found his prostate. Roxas smirked down at him and made sure to occasionally press that spot as he stretched Axel for what was to come.
"Please," Axel begged, unable to take it anymore. "God Roxas, please I'm ready."
"You sure?" the blonde asked huskily, his own cock throbbing in anticipation.
Axel nodded, he was getting close and this was only fingers. Roxas pulled his fingers out -making sure to swipe Axel's prostate again- and slid a condom over his rigid length. Making sure he was lubed up as well, he positioned Axel's long legs over his shoulders.
"Ready, baby? Hmm? You want my cock?" he asked nipping at Axel's bottom lip. "Want me to fuck you?" he whispered huskily.
The redhead nodded once more. "Eu quero que você me faz gritar."(2) He said then grabbed Roxas' ass, pulling the smaller males body towards him, the head of Roxas' cock breaching him.
Moaning, Roxas pushed all the way in slowly so he wouldn't hurt the man beneath him.
Axel threw his head back and moaned. He could feel every inch of Roxas as he pushed inside him; the feeling sent tingles up his spine. Roxas paused when he was all the way inside so that Axel could adjust to his size.
When he felt Axel trust his hips up, Roxas hissed and began to thrust in and out slowly.
Axel opened his eyes and watched Roxas' face as he took him. The blondes' lips were parted as he panted softly, those enthralling blue eyes hidden behind his closed lids. Axel couldn't help but moan at the sight.
Roxas began to pick up the pace once he felt Axel had enough time to adjust. The blondes' hips snapping back and forth, harshly hitting Axel's prostate dead on each time."Ali mesmo! Deus, sim. Right there!" Axel moaned arching his back to make Roxas go in deeper.
Roxas groaned; Axel felt so good around him. The redhead met him thrust for thrust, bringing them both that much closer to their climax.
The blonde reached in between their bodies and began to stroke Axel in time with his thrusts. "É tão bom…feels so good."
Roxas stroking him combined with the feeling of him inside finally took Axel over, his back arched clear off the bed as he moaned, tensing around Roxas. The blonde groaned, thrusting harshly a few more times before Axel felt the dick spasming inside him.
Roxas collapsed next to the redhead, panting heavily. Axel placed small kisses over every part of the blonde he could reach.
"Hmm...você é incrível," he whispered softly, rubbing his hands up and down the blondes' spine.
Roxas opened his eyes and smiled, "What did you just say?"
"Hmm?" Axel asked distractedly, still kissing Roxas' tingling skin.
"You said something in Spanish," Roxas said with a sigh, moving his head to the side to give the redhead better access to his neck.
"Portuguese," Axel corrected softly, "though I had no idea I was talking." He gathered the blonde in his arms and held him closely.
They lay like that for a while until Axel couldn't handle the feeling of him own cum on his chest any longer. He got out of the bed to clean himself off.
When he got back, Roxas was laying on his back staring blankly at the ceiling. "Penny for your thoughts?" the redhead asked as he wiped Roxas with a damp towel.
"They're not worth that much," Roxas said mostly to himself.
Axel noticed two tattoos on Roxas' hipbones and one going up his side he'd never seen before. He traced the two intertwining keys on his side with his finger, then down to the Roman numeral thirteen on his left hip, and a heart on his right.
"I didn't know you had these. What's with the keys?" he asked looking into those blue, blue eyes.
Roxas froze and closed his eyes, "I have something to tell you. And in hindsight I should have told you before we had sex."
Axel sat patiently, motioning for Roxas to continue.
Roxas took a deep breath. "Axel I'm a paranoid schizophrenic," he said bluntly. "I was diagnosed with it when I was sixteen. I…I didn't know how to tell you. Every time I tell someone, they treat me like I'm some psycho."
Roxas watched Axel's face for any trace of disgust or apprehension, but was surprised when he got none; just understanding and compassion.
"I know Rox. I've known for a few months now," Axel said with a small smile. "And I won't treat you any differently. You're the same Roxas I fell in love with."
Roxas' breath caught as he stared at Axel, his blue eyes welling with tears. "Axel," was all he could say as he wrapped his arms around the taller male, kissing him passionately.
OoO-oOo
Their relationship was blossoming.
Axel finally had someone to call his own. Coming home from school, or work, Axel was sure to see Roxas sitting on his couch with Demyx or Zexion. Or the blonde was in his room, the majority of the time naked and waiting for him.
All the times previous when Axel thought he was in love, paled in comparison to this, to Roxas. He understood the blonde more than he did himself.
But it wasn't until after six months did Roxas finally get comfortable enough in their relationship to tell him about his delusions.
"It's kinda complicated." The blonde said biting his bottom lip. When Axel sat next to him in the bed, Roxas took a deep breath.
"I'm in a different universe. I'm a…Nobody. That's what they call us. And there is a piece of me that's missing, but I don't know what it is. They say it's my heart, but I can feel it in my chest. I know I have a heart, but they say I don't, I have to find it…and Sora. He's my Somebody. Meaning, I'm a part of him…the heartless part. And I have to find him so I can know the truth, but that doesn't make sense because Sora is my twin.
"I'm not a part of Sora, we're two different people, but it's so real! When I don't take my pills, that's the world I'm in.
"It's always night, always dark and cold. I…I'm number XIII, the youngest and I'm the key. The key to Kingdom Hearts. That's why I have this," he ran a finger down his side. "These are how I defeat the Heartless…its how I'll find a heart."
Axel pulled Roxas to his chest, wiping the tears the blonde didn't even realize where there. "Shh...não chore baby. Eu serei seu coração. Você não tem que lutar. (3)" Axel murmured against Roxas' hair, rubbing gentle circles against his back.
Whenever Roxas stopped taking his pills, Axel would be in this dark world with him.
When Roxas told Axel he was leaving, that he had to find his heart, the redhead explained that he was Roxas' heart.
Fortunately these episodes didn't last long. He would convince Roxas to take his meds; he would bathe him, feed him, and lull him to sleep.
OoO-oOo
Roxas hated the voices.
What are you doing? Why are you here…come on Roxas just go. They're going to get you. He's coming. Better hide. Roxas, come on Roxas go back to the Organization. They'll take care of you. Hahahaha. Roxas, what'cha doin' Roxas? Where ya going? You can't hide, you can never hide! Stop ignoring us, Roxas. Don't do it!
They followed him everywhere. Sometimes he could hear them even with the pills, a soft whisper in the back of his mind. They wouldn't leave him alone.
The blonde covered his ears and whimpered.
Axel walked into the room and saw the blonde hunched over, silent tears running down his face.
Axel kneeled down in front of him, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Baby what's wrong?" he asked kissing away each tear.
"They…they're yelling again. I can't make them stop. So loud. Shut up! Please just leave me alone!" Roxas yelled fisting his own hair.
Axel pulled him to his chest resting his chin on top of the spiky head. He didn't know what to do. Roxas took his meds this morning; he didn't want him to take too many. So he did what his mother used to do when he was troubled.
Placing his lips at Roxas' ear, Axel sang:
"Pára-raio, dorme. Temporal, dorme. Vaga-lume, dorme. Abajur, dorme. Ambulância, dorme. Meu amor, dorme. Roxas, dorme. Luz do sol, dorme. Sentinela, dorme. General, dorme. Caravela, dorme. Carnaval, dorme. Candelária, dorme. Candomblé, dorme. Cambalhota, dorme. Bambolê, dorme. Pensamento, dorme. Sensação, dorme. Amanhã, dorme." (4.)
Roxas seemed to calm at the sound of Axel's voice. So he kept singing, slowly rocking his lover till the teen was sleeping in Axel's arms.
Axel kept rocking him back and forth while he silently wept.
OoO-oOo
Roxas hadn't had a breakdown in a very long time; it had been a few months in fact. So when Axel woke to the sound of Roxas' furious mumbling and sobs, he was taken aback.
Roxas sat huddled in the corner of their bed, rocking back and forth, his hands scratching at his skin. Axel could see the blood on his pale arms and rushed to grab his hands.
"Shh…Rox. I'm right here. It's okay. What's wrong?" Axel asked softly.
"They're yelling at me! They're mad. I shouldn't have left. They say it's my fault. Oh god. The Organization is falling apart. And it's my fault. My fault. They…they're gonna get me! They're gonna make me go back, I don't want to go!"
Roxas let out a sob.
"Please don't let them get me. I don't like it there. They say they need me. No, no shut up, shut up!"
Axel just held the blonde. He hoped this would pass soon. "Shh…baby it's okay. I won't let them get you. You're gonna be okay."
Roxas choked out another sob. "Oh. God, they're everywhere. It's The Organization. They put them on me. All over me. Axel, get them off!" the blonde had his eyes scrunched shut and he was trying to pull from Axel's grip.
"What is on you Roxas? Shhh…tell me. I'll get them."
"Spiders, they…they're everywhere! Get them off. Get them off!" Roxas was screaming now, his small body flailing in Axel's grip.
Axel made a show of brushing Roxas off and letting go of his arms. "I got them, they're gone. See, gone. They're not here." Roxas stopped trying to escape and looked down at his body. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you Ax—" he cut off with a horrid cry, staring into Axel's face.
"What? Roxas? What's wrong?" Axel asked scooting closer to his lover.
Roxas pressed his back closer to the wall. "What are you? What did you do to Axel?" The blonde asked. He was looking at Axel, but he couldn't see his lover.
He was stuck in his head.
Instead of the green eyes that he loved so much, he saw two black holes. Axel's face seemed to be melted, the skin falling off his bones. Axel's mouth was nothing but sharp vicious teeth.
When the monster with his lovers' voice came closer, Roxas swung, hitting him in the face, his nails leaving scratches in the skin.
Axel hissed in pain, but still came towards Roxas. "Baby, it's me. It's Axel. A sua Axel. Não tenha medo. É só de mim. Don't be afraid." Usually when he spoke to Roxas in Portuguese it calmed him down but not this time.
Roxas swung again, "You're not Axel. What did you do to him?"
Axel managed to catch Roxas and pin him to the bed before he hurt one or both of them. "Axel! Oh god, Axel help me! Axel!" The blonde was thrashing on the bed, trying to get Axel off of him.
Axel felt his heart break in two. His lover didn't recognize him and he was hurting.
"Zexion!" Axel yelled hoping his friend heard him. Roxas needed a sedative and Axel couldn't administer it.
"There will be times," Axel remembered Roxas saying, "when I will be so lost in my head I could hurt myself or someone else. I'll need you to give me this." The blonde held up a little vial of a honey colored liquid. "It's Diazepam. (5) Then you need to call Areith, in that order. Okay? I…I don't ever want to hurt you."
Zexion burst in the room with Demyx at his heels, pulling Axel out of his memories. The periwinkle haired man took one look at the scene and raced back into his room where he grabbed a small case with the Diazepam in it. He rushed back into the room where Demyx was trying to calm Roxas down to no avail.
"I need him to hold still, Axel." Zexion said as he pulled open the case. When Roxas saw the needle his struggles intensified.
"No, you're not going to take me back! I won't go back to The Organization! God damnit! Axel where are you!" the blonde yelled.
Axel choked back a sob as he pressed his body down onto Roxas'.
"Demyx, help him hold Roxas down," Zexion ordered. They had a small window of opportunity before Roxas overpowered them. He may be short, but the blonde was exceptionally strong especially when he didn't care if his captors got harmed or not.
When Demyx and Axel both had Roxas held down, Zexion thrust the needle into Roxas' arm and pushed the plunger.
They all winced at his scream.
The drug quickly began running through Roxas' system and his struggles got weaker and weaker until he lay limp in the bed.
Demyx moved back and Axel pulled the blonde into his chest. Roxas was mumbling incoherently while Axel rocked them, whispering to him.
"I've got you Roxas. Eu tenho você Roxas. Estou bem aqui. I'm right here."
Zexion and Demyx left the room and thirty minutes later, an ambulance came down the street to pick Roxas up.
OoO-oOo
Axel didn't get out of bed for two weeks.
They admitted Roxas into Patton State Hospital where his doctor said she wanted to change his meds and she needed to keep an eye on him. He wouldn't be allowed to have any visitors.
They were going to hold him for three months.
Axel refused to get out of bed. He wouldn't eat, skipped classes, wouldn't answer his phone, he didn't do anything. The only time the redhead exited his bed was to use the bathroom and that was only when no-one else was home and his bladder threatened to burst.
He would lie in bed and imagine Roxas was with him, he could hear the boy's laugh and it made his heart ache.
He failed Roxas.
Axel had promised the boy he would help, and that Roxas would never be taken back to the hospital.
"It's horrible there. They strap me down and dope me up with drugs. I was locked in my head. But they didn't care. My parents sent me to them whenever I had an episode." The blonde said tracing patterns against Axel's skin.
"They didn't care what happened to me as long as I wasn't in their hair 'damaging the family's reputation'. Like I want to be a complete basket case," he said scathingly.
Axel pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. "I'll never send you to one of those places." Roxas looked up at him with a small smile, his eyes shining with unshed tears as they always did when he talked about his disorder. "You promise?"
"Eu prometo, meu amante. Atravesse meu coração.(6)" Axel said softly kissing his lover deeply.
He failed.
It's all his fault that Roxas was currently being force fed drugs that would probably make him worse. Locked him in his head. Where the Organization could get him; where he was only half a person.
'Without his heart.' Axel thought placing a hand over his own beating heart.
His door burst open suddenly, making him jump. Sora stood at the door with a frown on his normally smiling face.
It hurt Axel to see Sora; he looked too much like Roxas. It only made the hurt ten times worse.
"Get out of the bed now, Axel," Sora said darkly. "If I can walk around town and live my life with my brother locked in that place so can you." Sora stood over Axels' bed, his face pulled to a frown.
"Yeah, well you have a sunny disposition Sora. You can bounce back from this. I can't," Axel said softly.
Sora rolled his eyes and grabbed Axel's arm pulling him off the bed. "You sound like a teenage girl," Sora mocked. "Now get out of the bed and take a shower, you reek."
Axel let himself be pulled out of bed, but made no move towards the door. "Why should I? It's not like there's anyone here to care."
"So that's it. You're just gonna fall apart because Roxas isn't here? What about when he gets back? Hmm…what are you gonna tell him? That you acted like a total bitch while he was gone?" Axel stood with his mouth open, Sora just cursed. Sora never curses.
"Are you going to make my brother feel guilty because he couldn't help having an attack? 'Cuz if that's the case, I'll make sure you never see him again."
Axel glared at the brunette boy who barely came up to his chin. That was a low blow and they both knew it. The redhead pushed past Sora and went to shower. Roxas didn't need to be worried about him, since this was all his fault.
OoO-oOo
Axel was ecstatic.
He and Sora drove towards Patten Hospital. Roxas' three months were over and they were taking him home.
Sora chattered nonstop the entire ride, but it was calming for the redhead.
"We should go out for ice cream 'cuz I know they don't have sea-salt here and I'm sure Roxy's going through withdraws or something. Oh! Then we can take him to go see Naminé, she misses him. Oh! And then we could—"
Axel tuned the boy out as they neared the hospital gates. Patten was huge. It resembled a regular gated community.
When the patients were stable enough, three or four of them shared small condos to make the transitions easier for them.
Reaching the main house, they had to sign discharge papers before they could go get Roxas. Sora was still chattering away; Axel figured he was nervous. They both were.
Would Roxas hate them for making him go back here?
They drove up to the Roxas' assigned house and before they could get out the car the blonde was running towards them. He grabbed his twin and gave him a big hug.
"Sora! Oh god, Sora I missed you so much! I can't believe they wouldn't let me call you!" Roxas exclaimed still holding his brother. "How's everything? Riku doing okay? Oh God, you have to tell me everything!"
Axel stood in the background as the two brothers talked and held each other when he wanted to do nothing but snatch Roxas from Sora and hold him. He never wanted to let him go again.
After a while the boys let go of each other and Roxas wiped the tears from Sora's eyes.
The blonde turned to Axel, but neither male moved. They didn't speak. They just let their eyes roam each other.
"Do you hate me?"
Axel looked confused. Why would he hate Roxas? How could he? So he voiced his questions.
"Because I acted like a total lunatic. I'm so sorry Ax. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't snap out of it. It was so real." Roxas said.
Then he was in Axel's arms and the redhead was whispering he could never hate him. "Nunca poderia eu te odeio meu amor. Never, never could I hate you. I love you so much."
OoO-oOo
It was late when they finally arrived home.
But neither man was tired. They needed to see each other, feel each other. It had been too long for both of them.
Axel had Roxas pinned against their bedroom door. His mouth on the blondes' neck biting and sucking at the skin there while his hands slowly unbuttoned the blondes' shirt, revealing the pale skin he missed so much.
Roxas was moaning, hands locked in the hair at the nape of Axel's neck. "Axel," he sighed as the taller man began to toy with his nipples rubbing them until they stood at attention.
He lifted Roxas up, legs locked at the small of his back. Then leaned his head down to suck on a nipple, Roxas threw his head back with a low cry. The blonde rolled his hips grinding their bodies together.
Axel hissed and bit down on the flesh in between his teeth. Roxas whimpered.
"Bed," he commanded, fisting those fiery locks. Axel walked the short distance to the bed and sat Roxas down. He made quick work of his own shirt as Roxas impatiently yanked his jeans off his hips, nearly causing the redhead to fall.
"Impatient," he chuckled, undressing himself completely.
Roxas openly stared at Axel in all his glory. His long muscular legs up to his proud erection jutting from his body nestled in a mane of auburn hair. Up to his bellybutton ring that, if you played with it just right made the redhead scream. Up to his lean stomach, his rosy nipples, the silver from the rings shining in the light. That long neck, strong chin, perfect lips, straight nose, high cheek bones, and then those eyes.
The eyes that he missed so much, eyes that could tell his every thought, eyes that watched over him. The eyes that made him feel safe. "Roxas," Axel said quietly with the voice that chased away the sounds in his head.
"I missed you so much," Roxas whispered.
Axel smiled and rubbed their noses together in an Eskimo kiss. "Eu perdi você também meu amor."
Roxas shivered. He loved it when Axel spoke his native language. The way Axel rolled his 'r's always did crazy things to him.
Hands reached for his pants, opening the button and letting his arousal spring free. Then Axel was on his knees in front of him, reaching for him, taking him in that warm wet mouth, Roxas moaned his praises.
Axel kept at it, taking more in and loving the way Roxas gasped above him; the way his thighs tensed.
The redhead looked up, taking in the blondes' slackened jaw and watched as those pouty lips moved around half-formed phrases. He thrust up slightly in the redheads' mouth but Axel didn't speed up.
He was in no rush. He took his time as he licked up the shaft then sucked it back down. He moaned around it just to feel Roxas' reaction; the slight quake of the muscles beneath the blondes' skin.
Roxas helplessly humped Axel's face. Only Axel could turn him into a writhing pile of lust in seconds flat. "Please," he begged softly.
Axel obliged and took Roxas in his throat, swallowing around him. Roxas could feel Axel's throat muscles milking him and knew he wouldn't last. He grabbed a handful of red hair and pulled. "Ax…I can't. Oh, God."
Axel would have smirked if his mouth weren't full. He lifted his mouth off Roxas' aching flesh. "Hand me the stuff would you?" he asked before going back to work.
Roxas almost didn't understand the direction. He reached up under the pillows to grab the bottle of lube stashed under there. He handed it to his lover and watched with hungry eyes as Axel's head moved up and down his cock.
The redhead popped the top of the lube and squirted some on his fingers. He moved Roxas' legs open wider and plunged them inside his tight walls.
Roxas let out a yell; his back arched, his body pulling the fingers in deeper.
Axel tried to block out the noises his lover was making; the needy moans, the urgent shouts of his name.
"I'm gonna…cum Axel!" Roxas warned, hands tangled in his bright hair. Axel swallowed around him while his fingers simultaneously pressed firmly against his prostate. Roxas came with a shout of Axel's name and his entire body shook.
Axel pulled his head back after swallowing all that Roxas could give.
He continued to stretch the blonde; Axel watched as his fingers appeared and disappeared into the body before him and bit his lip.
Roxas was panting heavily, he could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He placed a gentle hand on Axel's shoulder. "I'm ready. Axel take me, make me yours, please."
Axel didn't need to be told twice. He pulled his fingers out and moved Roxas back further on the bed. He grabbed a condom, but a small hand stopped him before he could open it.
"I want to do it," Roxas said as he pulled open the wrapper and rolled it over Axel's prick. The redhead moaned at the feeling, Roxas squirted some lube into his hands stroking Axel with it.
Axel had to stop him before long; he needed to be inside him. He placed a hand on his hip Roxas when he turned onto his stomach.
"I want to see you." Axel explained picking up one of his legs and placing it on his shoulder, the other wrapped loosely around his waist.
Slowly, very slowly Axel pushed himself inside. He watched as Roxas' face scrunched up in initial discomfort before his lips parted and a sigh of relief passed through his lips.
Blue eyes fluttered beneath their lids and a slight blush dusted his cheeks. "Você parece tão bonita como esta. You are so beautiful like this. I wish you could see yourself," Axel said against Roxas' parted lips before pushing his tongue in.
They fenced against each other while Axel waited for Roxas to adjust. When the blonde began to shift underneath him, Axel knew he was ready.
Axel slowly pulled out before thrusting back in harshly, causing Roxas to gasp and moan.
The pace was too slow. Not enough, "Faster," Roxas demanded.
Axel obeyed his hips moving at a faster tempo; in-out-in. He was too far gone, his head in the crook or Roxas neck, mumbling praises in alternating Portuguese and English.
He didn't know what he was saying. All there is, was Roxas; Roxas yelling his name, gripping his back, biting on his shoulder.
His world consisted of only Roxas.
"Dizer o meu nome." He said in Roxas' ear. Even though it was in a different language, Roxas complied.
"Axel!" he moaned. He was close; then Axel shifted his hips, nailing Roxas' prostate with each thrust. He let out a few whimpered breaths; he was so, so close.
Axel reached in between them and stoked Roxas' reawakened flesh, the redhead grit his teeth; he was close but he wanted Roxas to come first, wanted to feel his walls clamp around him as he pushed him over the edge.
"Venha para mim. Come for me, Roxas," Axel moaned.
The blondes' entire body went stiff before he came, shuddering; an incoherent shout leaving his throat.
Axel lasted not even a minute longer before he too was coming with a cry of his lovers name for the world to hear.
Axel collapsed on his side, pulling out of Roxas' body.
Simultaneously they reached for each other. Tired bodies that slept restlessly for three months finally held each other. They shared small kisses and 'I love you's as before they both fell asleep.
The entire time Axel was in his arms, Roxas realized the voices said nothing.
OoO-oOo
A/N:
1.) That is what Roxas hears when he doesn't take his meds. In my psych class, they played us an audio of what a schizophrenic person hears, it's like a grip of different voices telling you things. Some yell, while others whisper. They tell you to do things and they play on the delusional fantasies you have. It's a very scary thing to have to deal with everyday.
2.) "I want you to make me scream." Okay, so I'm in love with a Portuguese Axel in case you haven't noticed. Hmm…sexy.
3.) "Shh...don't cry baby. I'll be your heart. You don't have to fight anymore."
4.) This is a Brazilian lullaby: Lightning rod, sleep. Time, sleep. Firefly, sleep. Lamp, sleeping. Ambulance, sleep. My love, sleep. Roxas, sleep. Sunshine, sleep. Sentinel, sleep. General, sleep. Caravela sleep. Carnival sleep. Candelaria, sleep. Candomblé, sleep. Tumbling, sleep. Hula hoop, sleep. Thinking, sleeping. Sensation, sleep. Tomorrow, he sleeps.
5.) Diazepam (or Vailum): A tranquilizing muscle-relaxant drug, C16H13N2OCl. Most commonly used to relieve anxiety.
6.) I promise you, my lover. Cross my heart
*Laughing manically* I'm finished! This story raped my mind until I finally had to sit down and write it. It took me like eight straight hours and my ass had fallen asleep.
I hope ya'll liked it. Now I've got to go write the next chapters of Struggle before you guys kick my ass.